


Always

by SpicyDinosaurAge



Series: When I'm Gone [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Rating May Change, Smut, i know i said there probably wouldn't be a whole lot of angst but whoops i lied, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-05-20 00:42:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 40,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14884358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyDinosaurAge/pseuds/SpicyDinosaurAge
Summary: It's been ten years since the Fifth Blight. Everyone has gone their separate ways to live out their own lives.No one knows where the others from the Blight are. Most importantly, no one knows where Warden-Commander Cousland of Ferelden has been for the past five years.Some say she's dead, while others say she's spending time in Highever. But no matter where they look, Warden-Commander Cousland is no where to be found.Despite everything Elissa has been through, her story is far from over.





	1. Orlais (9:34 Dragon)

**Author's Note:**

> Woo, it's finally here!
> 
> Okay, so if you haven't already, I suggest you read Part 1 to this series (Remember Me) or at least the last few chapters to get a good look at where the story leaves off.
> 
> In case you don't, here's some background:
> 
> Elissa Cousland and Leliana were together during the Blight. However, on the night before the final battle, Elissa broke up with Leliana because, as Elissa says, "It was easier for me to die with her hating me than loving me." She also knew that if they broke up, Leliana wouldn't want to be near her when the archdemon came around, thus making her in a safer position.
> 
> Elissa was in a coma for two months following the defeat of the archdemon. She was never told that Leliana stayed behind to make sure Elissa was actually alive and safe before she left for Orlais. Elissa only thought that Leliana left as soon as she was able to because she didn't actually love Elissa.
> 
> So, yeah, I think that's it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Warden-Commander Cousland sighed as she entered Halamshiral. 

It had been three years since the Blight. Two and a half since she had become Warden-Commander of Ferelden. 

She just wanted to retire somewhere nice.

But no, nothing was ever simple. Elissa, Kallian Tabris, and Nathaniel Howe were riding into Halamshiral on request of the Empress of Orlais. 

Amethyne was with them as well, though how she had convinced Elissa to let her come along was beyond her. 

"Answer me this, Warden-Commander," Nathaniel said as he slid off his horse and handed it to one of the handlers. "Why did I have to come?"

Elissa helped Amethyne off the horse. "Kallian came because she's my second in command, and you came along because you're one of the last Wardens I trust."

"And why did the kid come along?" he asked. "We don't know what we'll face here."

"Amethyne came along because she used her silver tongue to convince me," Elissa said, gesturing for them to follow her. "Besides, I'm gone a lot. We need to spend time with each other."

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "Let's just get this over with."

Kallian pat Elissa on the shoulder. "I'm sure the empress doesn't want much. We'll be fine."

Elissa snorted. "Do you know how many times we've said, 'We'll be fine' and then nothing goes fine?"

Both Wardens laughed, but Nathaniel was the one to say, "It's just our luck. Nothing ever goes right for us."

Amethyne tugged on her hand. Despite the fact that the little elf was a teenager now, she still acted like a kid. 

"What is it?" Elissa asked, her head tilting to the side. 

"Can I get something before we leave? I've never been here before."

"We'll see," Elissa said. "If you behave and do as your told, then sure. But if you misbehave, or you get in trouble, you're not getting anything."

Amethyne beamed. "I'll be on my best behavior,  _mamae_!" 

Kallian chuckled from behind her. "Even after three years, you still look uncomfortable when she calls you that."

Elissa shrugged. "I'm not used to it, is all. I didn't really think I'd ever have a kid."

"Well, now you do," Nathaniel said. "Hope it's worth it."

Elissa shook her head. "Sometimes it is. Other times not so much."

She took a deep breath before they entered the Winter Palace. 

Elissa told the man waiting for them their names as they walked into the ballroom of the Winter Palace. 

She already heard whispers from the Orlesians, but she wasn't sure who they were talking about. 

"Speaking for the Wardens," the man announced, "is Warden-Commander Elissa Cousland of Ferelden, Arlessa of Amaranthine, Champion of Redcliffe, and Hero of Ferelden." She scoffed at her titles before she bowed to the crowd. "Accompanying the Warden-Commander is Warden Kallian Tabris and Warden Nathaniel Howe."

Before they descended the steps, Elissa turned to Amethyne. "Listen to Kallian," she said. "I have to speak with the empress. If you need something, talk to either her or Nathaniel. I'll see you later tonight."

Then she descended the steps to the empress.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

One good thing about being Left Hand of the Divine was that Leliana had many resources.

Sometimes they were very helpful. She had learned that two years ago, Elissa Cousland had been declared missing in action. No one knew where she had gone. It was like she had never existed in the first place.

Which was why Leliana was surprised to hear her name announced. 

Leliana only knew it was Elissa by the claw-like scar on her jaw from the Blight, when Swiftrunner had swiped at her. 

She looked so different. Elissa was much paler than she had been during the Blight, and she was much skinnier. Less muscled. Her cheekbones stood out unhealthily.

What had happened to her all these years?

Elissa bowed to the empress, who was watching her with interest. She curtsied right back, however.

"Empress Celene," Elissa said. "I believe there was something you wished to discuss?"

Maker, her voice. There was no kindness to it, no sign of the Elissa during the Blight. 

It was a little frightening. 

Empress Celene nodded before she gestured for Elissa to follow her to one of the rooms. 

"Well, well, well," said an elven voice from behind Leliana. "Long time no see, Leliana."

Leliana smiled and turned to the voice. "Hello, Kallian. How have you been?"

"I've been great!" the elf said. She seemed to be ignoring the smaller elf tugging on her pant leg. "We all - well, most of us - have been pretty well under Elissa's command. And, I have a son!"

Leliana's smile grew. "Really? When did this happen?"

"A few months after the Blight, I realized I was getting a bit soft around the edges, despite my training. Several months later, I have a son."

So she hadn't been completely tainted yet. Not like Elissa had been. 

"How... How is Elissa doing? She doesn't look so good."

Kallian frowned, but before she could say anything, the little elf spoke up. 

" _Mamae_ is gone a lot," she said. "She doesn't like to talk about what happens while she's gone. But she always comes back looking empty and a lot thinner than last time."

Leliana glanced up at Kallian, an eyebrow raised. 

"This is Amethyne," Kallian said. "Pain in everyone's as - uh, butt."

" _Mamae_ says you don't have to watch yourself around me," Amethyne said. "I'm not a little kid."

"Well, if you aren't," said a male's voice, "you need to stop acting like one."

Amethyne stuck her tongue out at the dark-haired man. "When's Mama gonna be back? I want her to show me how to dance!"

"Your mother is very busy." Kallian crouched down to Amethyne's height. "I'm sure Nathaniel would love to teach you, though."

The dark-haired man - who Leliana assumed was Nathaniel - looked betrayed. "Fine," he grumbled. "But only because you're Elissa's daughter."

Kallian stood beside Leliana as she watched the two go down the steps to the dance floor. 

"She hasn't been good for quite some time," Kallian murmured. "Elissa, I mean. She barely talks to anyone anymore. She doesn't eat. Doesn't train. I don't know what happened. Solona tried talking to her, but I think that just made it worse."

Leliana nodded. "I can try to speak with her, see if she tells me anything."

But Kallian shook her head. "No, you might make it even worse than it already is. Leliana, she barely says a word on good days. She's only speaking today because she has to."

"Is Fergus worried?"

"Oh," Kallian said, "you don't want to see the fights they get into. She barely talks, yes, but once you get her pissed off... Maker, you better run for the hills. If she's talking to you, you know something bad-"

"Kallian," barked a voice. "Where's Amethyne?"

Kallian turned her head. "She's dancing with Nathaniel."

Elissa stepped into view, her Grey Warden armor shining. "Who are you - oh. Hello, Lady Nightingale."

Leliana tilted her head to the side. "After all this time, that's all you have to say?"

"I have several things to say," Elissa said. "But not right now. I'm busy."

She started making her way to the dance floor, but Leliana grabbed her wrist. "Say it, then. We're all adults."

"Are you going to let go of my wrist?" Elissa asked. "Or do I have to remove it myself?"

Leliana's brows furrowed, but she removed her hand. "Come to the balcony with me. We have several things to discuss."

A muscle twitched in Elissa's jaw. She gestured for Leliana to lead the way. 

"I'll keep an eye on Amethyne," Kallian called out to them. 

Elissa didn't relax even when they were away from prying eyes. She stood straight with her hands clasped behind her back, her eyes on the sky above them.

"What did you want to talk about?" Elissa asked, still no sign of the old Elissa. 

"What happened to you, Elissa? Everyone is worried."

Elissa shook her head. "They don't need to be. I'm their Warden-Commander, nothing else. I'm fine."

"You don't  _look_ fine," Leliana commented. "You look sick."

"Thanks," Elissa muttered. "Are we done here?"

"That's it?" Leliana asked. "You have nothing more to say?"

Elissa shrugged. "What would I say, Leliana? We're not friends any longer. We have no reason to talk."

"We were together for almost a year and that's all you have to say? You're not the woman I fell in love with."

"I wouldn't imagine. That woman died when you left before you even knew if I was still alive."

Leliana flinched at the bitterness in her tone. "Excuse me?" she asked. "I delayed my trip to Orlais for you. I didn't leave until I knew you were alive."

"That must have been quick. You were told I was still alive on the day I almost died, and you left soon after, right?"

Elissa's face was calm. Neutral. She showed no emotion on her face. 

"You didn't even care, did you?" Elissa asked, curiosity seeping into her voice. "'Well, Elissa could die, but her usefulness has run out. Time to run away to Orlais!'"

"I would have waited for you!" Leliana shouted. "If you hadn't broken things off between us, I would have stayed by your side. But it pained me to even be near you!"

"How convenient, right?" Elissa murmured. "I kept you safe and away from danger during a Blight, I killed your abusive ex-girlfriend for you, I took wounds for you that should have been inflicted upon you... But here you are, never once in any danger of dying while I almost bled out scared and alone on top of Fort Drakon."

"By the Maker, Elissa-"

"I bet you couldn't wait to be rid of me," Elissa interrupted. "First chance to leave and you took it." She shook her head, sorrow starting to line her features. "When I woke up, I wanted to explain my actions to you. I had this whole thing planned out, only to learn that you had left for Orlais."

If she thought about it, Leliana could see where Elissa was coming from. Because instead of trying to convince Elissa that Leliana loved her, she became defensive. 

"Saw all my flaws and left," Elissa mumbled, almost too quiet for Leliana to hear. "It really shouldn't be surprising." She cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes. "I should be going. The empress has no further need of me, and clearly, neither do you. Good evening, Lady Nightingale."

And just like that, Elissa was gone. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Elissa bein' a lil shit. But like, she had no idea Leliana stayed behind. She just thought Leliana left because she saw all of Elissa's flaws and didn't like what she saw. 
> 
> There won't be too much miscommunication (if this can even be called that) in future chapters. I'm just trying to set the stage, so to speak. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	2. Conclave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like how no one corrected the first chapter when it said 9:44 Dragon (it was supposed to be 9:34 Dragon). 
> 
> Okay so this chapter takes place in 9:41 Dragon, seven years after the last time Elissa and Leliana saw each other, and just before the start of Inquisition. I hope it made sense.
> 
> Also, I finally made a tumblr (@spicy-dinosaur-age) if you guys want to yell at me or just stop by and say hi. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Elissa had been making her way through Haven when it happened. 

She was supposed to have been at the Conclave held by Divine Justinia days ago. She had been stopped by someone who had recognized her, and she had been delayed. 

How anyone recognized Elissa was beyond her. 

Only a few people knew where she was and that she was actually still alive. 

It was mostly her trusted Wardens and the First Warden. Divine Justinia knew she was alive because of the First Warden. 

Elissa was only wanted at the Conclave because of her status as Warden-Commander. 

But it didn't seem to be turning out well. 

Elissa had been talking with one of the townspeople, asking for directions to the Conclave. Then there was a loud boom.

She glanced at the direction of the explosion. A green light shot from the valley into the sky. 

"Oh, Maker," Elissa muttered. 

There was another loud boom as the sky seemed to open up. The green light tore open the sky.

_What in the Maker's name...?_

Things shot out of the tear in the sky, crashing into the ground. 

Elissa turned on her heel and began to leave in the opposite direction of the tear in the sky, Reaper on her heels.

"Wait!" the man she had been talking to yelled. "Where are you going?"

Elissa pulled her hood tighter around her head before she shouted back, "To get help."

She didn't know where she would go. Maker, she didn't even know who she would ask for help.

But Elissa had to try.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

"Lady Nightingale," said a scout's voice from behind Leliana, "I have important news."

Leliana was preparing to look around the destroyed Conclave for any sign of the who had caused the explosion.

She wanted to see if there were any survivors. 

"What is it?" Leliana asked. 

"We saw someone leaving Haven in quite a hurry," the scout said. "They could be behind the explosion."

Leliana sighed. "And you didn't follow them? You didn't try to capture them for questioning?"

"Well... Harding said you would want to know. She's trying to follow them-"

"Show me where you saw them."

She followed the scout down the paths of Haven. It took only a few moments to get to where a few other scouts were standing.

"Harding said she saw who it was, but she ran off after them before she told us," another scout said. "She went that way if you want to-"

Someone cried out near them. Leliana was moving as soon as she heard it.

"Spymaster," Harding greeted. She didn't seem to be the one who was hurt. 

There was a person on their knees a few feet away from them, their back turned. They were clutching their shoulder, which had an arrow through it. There was a mabari who growled and snapped at anyone who came too close. 

_Was that-_

"Found her trying to outrun me," Harding said, leaning on her bow. "She almost did, but I'm good with a bow."

"I only saw someone chasing after me," the woman growled. "I don't even know who you are."

"If you had nothing to do with the explosion, then why were you running?" Harding asked. "Only guilty people run."

"Harding, that's enough," Leliana said. "Who are you and why were you running from Haven?"

The woman straightened a little before she turned to Leliana. Her face was hidden in the shadows of her hood. The mabari faced Leliana as well, its head tilted to the side.

"Leliana?" the woman asked, moving to pull down her hood. "What are you doing here?"

Leliana blinked at the woman, then blinked again. "Elissa?"

"You know her?" Harding asked as Leliana crouched in front of Elissa. 

"This is the Hero of Ferelden," Leliana said. She put her hand on Elissa's wound. "Of course I know her."

Elissa's eyes widened before she reeled away. "L-Listen," she said, "I didn't have anything to do with what happened. Divine Justinia wanted me there."

"Awfully convenient that you weren't there," Harding muttered. 

"Leave us," Leliana said to her scouts. 

Harding looked like she was ready to argue, but thought better of it. 

Leliana only spoke once she knew everyone was gone. 

"I want to believe you had nothing to do with this," Leliana said. "But the evidence is here."

"Leliana, you know the Wardens wouldn't get involved with something like this. Our purpose isn't political. We wouldn't blow up a Conclave unless there were a ton of darkspawn in it."

Some of the old Elissa was seeping through. Her eyes were so familiar now rather than the cold they had been the last time they saw each other.

"Please, Leliana," Elissa said. "You know me. You know I would never do something like this."

"I don't know you anymore." Leliana looked at Reaper. "Where have you been, Elissa?" she asked. "You disappeared years ago."

"I've been on Grey Warden business. Things I can't talk about."

Leliana shook her head. "Do you see how bad this looks?"

"You have to trust me," Elissa said. "I can get you help. I can send Highever soldiers to help you. But you have to let me go."

 _Do what needs to be done,_ Leliana thought.  _Don't let your emotions get in the way._

But Leliana nodded anyway. "All right," she said quietly. "You can go. Just let me help with your shoulder."

Elissa sat on her knees as Leliana began getting the arrow out of her shoulder. 

Elissa was the one to wrap it up when Leliana was done. She looked at her hands afterward. 

"Thank you," she mumbled. "And thank you for letting me go. I'll send the soldiers here as soon as I get to Highever."

Then she did something Leliana would never have expected from her. Elissa pulled Leliana into an embrace, her arms tight. 

Reaper barked happily.

Leliana was frozen. Her arms twitched to wrap around Elissa, but she fought it off. 

"I'm sorry," Elissa said as she pulled away. "If you should need to contact me, just ask for me at Vigil's Keep or Highever. People there will know where to find me. Goodbye, Leliana."

Elissa smiled at her before she stood and began making her way away from Haven. She was still clutching her shoulder. 

Reaper glanced at Leliana, a seemingly sad look in his eyes before he followed his mistress.

Leliana reached for the amulet around her neck. It was the same one Elissa had given her during the Blight. 

She watched as Elissa left her life once again.

Leliana just hoped she had made the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, Leliana. The question is: does she still have feelings for Elissa, or did she just keep the amulet for sentimental value?
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	3. Strange Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

A few days after Leliana had let Elissa go, she sent her former lover a letter. 

_Don't make me regret letting you go._

Almost two weeks later, after Leliana had met Evelyn Trevelyan, the Herald of Andraste, several soldiers from Highever arrived in Haven. One of them had a letter from Elissa. 

_I said you could trust me._

Despite herself, Leliana chuckled at the letter. 

She isn't prepared for Evelyn to come to her and ask, "Did you know the Hero of Ferelden?"

Leliana wanted to say everything bad about Elissa. She wanted to say that no, she didn't know the Hero of Ferelden. 

But instead, she settles with, "Yes. Or, at least, I thought I did. The Blight changed her in many ways, and not just for the good. And that's all I'm saying about it."

Evelyn tilted her head to the side. "Wait. You knew her before the Blight?"

Leliana merely smiled and turned back to her work. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Leliana,_

_I went back to Vigil's Keep. Most of the Wardens are gone. Oghren is still here, so I probably did something bad if he's still here. Nathaniel is too, and Kallian is investigating something for me in the west._

_Something is wrong. We can all hear the Calling. I know for a fact that I shouldn't be hearing the Calling for another few years._

_I'm scared. I don't know what this means. I don't know what to do._

_On a happier note, the Breach seems like it's been stabilized. It seems like you found someone to help your Inquisition._

_Did you find out who tore a hole in the sky? There are still demons and rifts all around Ferelden. To be honest, it's getting annoying._

_Do you know how many times my sleep has been interrupted by a demon screeching at me in the middle of the night? Maker, I do not look like a noble born anymore._

_Anyway, I hope to hear from you soon._

_Elissa Cousland_

_Warden-Commander of Ferelden_

Elissa sighed and leaned back in her chair. She had rewritten that letter four times already. 

The Calling in her head was quite distracting. 

She didn't even think she should be telling Leliana about it. But someone had to know. 

Elissa folded the letter before she put the Warden-Commander's seal on it. 

It had been a few months since Leliana had let her go in Haven. They sent letters when they could, despite them not really being friends anymore. 

She didn't even know what they were. 

Elissa wanted to be friends, of course, but she would let Leliana decide. 

Her feelings for Leliana hadn't gone away. They had dulled, but only a little. Seeing her in Haven had sparked emotions in her that she hadn't known for years. 

Elissa shook her head and stood from her chair. She made her way to one of the Grey Warden couriers. 

Whatever happened in the coming days, Elissa would have to deal with it on her own. 

She was used to it by now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	4. The Champion of Kirkwall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but this is just setting up for the next chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

"I know, Nathaniel," Elissa said, slumping back in her chair. "I don't know what's happening. I'll try to figure it out."

Nathaniel shook his head. "This is bad, Elissa. You're the Warden-Commander of Ferelden and you don't even know where your Wardens are?"

Elissa threw her hands in the air. "How am I supposed to know where they are? I asked you to keep an eye on them while I traveled to the Conclave."

Nathaniel sighed. "Warden-Commander Clarel of Orlais has gone silent as well. What if it's not just us?"

"Well, clearly, you didn't get the memo to disappear and leave everyone thinking the Wardens were the ones to cause the giant fucking hole in the sky."

"What?" Nathaniel asked. "Why would they think we did that?"

"Nathaniel, the Wardens have  _disappeared._ There is a giant hole in the sky that spews demons. Who wouldn't blame us for that?"

Nathaniel ran a hand through his hair. "So, what are we to do? We can't bloody well disappear either."

Elissa shrugged. "I don't know." She looked at her hands. "Kallian hasn't sent anything in months. Do you think she's gone rogue, as well?"

"I hope not," Nathaniel said. "Finding a cure for the Calling is too important to her. To all of us."

Before either of them could say anything else, someone barged into the room.

"Warden-Commander Cousland?" the woman asked, glancing between Elissa and Nathaniel.

"The one and only," Elissa answered, nodding at Nathaniel to leave. "And you are?"

"Marian Hawke, also known as the Champion of Kirkwall." She tilted her head to the side. "You look different, Elissa."

"Well, it has been years since we've seen each other. How's Bethany doing?"

Hawke moved to stand in front of Elissa. "I had Aveline take her far away from Orlais. Which reminds me: do you know why the Wardens started disappearing? Or why they're all hearing the Calling?"

"No idea. We didn't get the memo to disappear," Elissa said. "But I'm trying to figure it out."

"Can you do an old friend a favor?" Hawke asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Elissa shrugged. "Sure. It's not like I have anything better to do."

Hawke nodded. "Good. I think I might know why the Wardens are disappearing, but I need more evidence to prove it right. Can you look for me? Varric wants me to go to Haven."

"Sounds easy enough. What am I looking for?"

Hawke chewed on her cheek. "His name is Corypheus."

"Ominous," Elissa said. "Give me a few days and I'll head out. I'll let you know what I find."

Hawke nodded again. "Thank you for this, Elissa. I owe you one."

Elissa snorted as Hawke turned away. "You owe me more than one."

Hawke waved as she left Elissa's office. 

_Corypheus,_ Elissa thought.  _Doesn't sound evil at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot shorter than I originally planned, but the next chapter should be out tomorrow. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	5. This Can't Be Happening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just jump right in with the angst, shall we?
> 
> Also, I know I said I would post this like ages ago. That clearly didn't happen. Better late than never, though!
> 
> Enjoy!

 "I appreciate you coming with me, Solona," Elissa said. "I'm sure you have better things to do, though."

Solona shrugged and mounted her horse. "Not really. At least with you, the Templars won't try to kill me on sight."

"You never know." Elissa smirked at the younger mage. "You've met Templars. You know what they're capable of."

Solona's face scrunched up. "Yeah, I know."

Elissa snorted. "I'm not going to let some Templar take you away again. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did."

They rode in silence a little while longer, until Solona stopped her horse and whispered, "Did you hear that?"

Elissa slowed her horse to a stop and listened to the woods around them. There was a snap of a twig to her left. 

"It could be anything," Elissa said. "Probably just an animal."

"Sure, but it sounded-" Solona cut herself off with a grunt. Elissa glanced back at her to see an arrow sticking out of her chest. 

"Solona!" Elissa cried, hopping off her horse and darting to where Solona had fallen off of hers. 

She hadn't even heard a bow being pulled back. 

Elissa slid to her knees beside Solona, whose hands were shaking as she felt around her chest. 

"Sweet Maker," Elissa said. "You'll be all right. Let me get a poultice."

Just as Elissa stood, however, she was knocked back down. Someone pulled her head up by her hair and tied something around her eyes. 

"You're valuable to us, Warden-Commander Cousland," said a man from behind her. "Your friend, though... She's disposable."

"Who are you?" Elissa asked as someone tied her hands behind her back. "What do you want?"

"It's not what _we_ want with you," the man said. "It's what the Elder One wants. We need information from the Inquisition's spymaster, and you were close with her once. We'll get the information with you there."

_Spymaster?_ Elissa thought.  _He can't mean... No, it can't be her._

"This blade has poison on it," said another man from beside her. "Well, you can't see it, but it's got poison on it that will knock you out. Can't have you knowing where we're going."

A blade sliced into her forearm, burning as it went. The cut wasn't deep, but it was probably deep enough to get the poison inside her bloodstream.

It wasn't long before she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Please don't be Fort Drakon,_ Elissa thought as she was dragged through some dimly lit halls.  _For the love of the Maker, I better not be back in Fort Drakon._

Elissa could hear screams and groans of pain, but with the rag still around her eyes, she had no idea where she was or where they were leading her. 

They opened a door a few moments later and shoved her inside. One of the men leading her led her around the room before he shoved her down and began tying her hands behind what felt like a pole. 

When he was done, he ripped the rag around her eyes off and left the room.

Elissa blinked several times to adjust to the sudden light, but before she could focus on anything, an Orlesian voice called out to her.

"Elissa?" the woman asked. "What in the Maker's name are you doing here?"

Elissa squinted at the woman. "Leliana?  _You're_ the Inquisition's spymaster?"

Despite the situation they were in, Leliana smiled. "I am. You still haven't said why you're here."

"The men who captured me said they needed me to get information out of whoever the Inquisition's spymaster was," Elissa said. "They... Maker, they killed Solona. Who knows what they've done to the rest of my Wardens. Or even my family."

Leliana was tied to a pole, same as Elissa. 

Though they would probably be moved when the torturer came. 

"Where are we?" Elissa asked. "This doesn't look like Fort Drakon."

"That's because it's not," Leliana said. "We're in Redcliffe, in the castle dungeons. The Herald and some mage she brought with her were killed by a Tevinter magister. The men who brought you here - the Venatori - came to Haven and slaughtered almost everyone there. But... they kept me alive for some reason."

"Well, I would say I'm glad to see you," Elissa mumbled, "but considering the circumstances, I wish you weren't here."

Leliana chuckled. "You and me both."

As they sat in silence, Elissa studied Leliana's face. It had been some time since they had last seen each other, but Elissa knew Leliana's face shouldn't have been that pale. And her cheeks shouldn't have been so thin.

"What have they been doing to you?" Elissa asked quietly, her head tilting to the side. 

"It hasn't been good," Leliana replied. "They feed me and give me water every now and then so I don't die. But they take and they take, and I'm not sure how much more I can give."

"I'm so sorry, Leliana." Elissa's head bowed in shame. "This feels like it's my fault."

Leliana's brows furrowed. "Why would you say that?"

"If I had stayed in Haven instead of running off like a coward, maybe this could have been prevented."

Leliana shook her head. "You don't know that. What's done is done."

"I was supposed to be there for you," Elissa said. "But I ran from my feelings. I was terrified. Then I almost died, and you left for Orlais... Maker, I was such an ass in Orlais. I'm surprised you didn't hit me for what I said."

"I was tempted to," Leliana said, causing Elissa to smile. "But... You didn't seem to be in your right mind. I could tell you were stressed and probably confused and hurting. I couldn't do that to you."

"I was hurting and confused," Elissa agreed. "But that doesn't excuse my behavior."

The words that had come out all those years ago weren't what Elissa wanted to say. They had just... come out before she could think about what she was going to say.

"You're forgiven." Leliana smiled at her. "We're going to be all right, Elissa. I promise."

Somehow, Elissa didn't think either of them would be all right by the time this was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the angst wasn't too bad. I've been trying to write this chapter for days now.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	6. Breaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I get no sleep and I'm feeling like writing angst. 
> 
> Also I'm changing the rating from Teen and Up to Mature for future chapters. This one isn't too bad (I think???) but just in case I'm changing the rating.
> 
> Enjoy!

Leliana was ready to break. 

She didn't know how long it had been since the attack on Haven. She didn't know how long she had been in Redcliffe's dungeons.

Leliana only knew that if they hurt another hair on Elissa's head, she would tell them whatever they wanted to know.

A part of her knew she couldn't. But seeing Elissa like this...

She wasn't sure how long ago it was, as her days seem to blend together, but Elissa had told her not to say anything.

"Do not tell them anything," Elissa had panted just before the torturer hit her across the face again. " _Please._ "

Elissa's face was bruised and bloodied. They thought that by hurting Elissa, Leliana would tell them whatever they wanted to know.

They were almost right. 

Sometimes Elissa would be unconscious for hours, slumped over as best she could be with her hands tied behind a pole. Leliana was never able to tell if Elissa was still alive or not.

She tried calling to Elissa, yelling her name, but the Warden only woke again when the torturer would beat her awake. 

They were doing something else to Elissa. Her eyes had started to take on a paler hue, and her skin was much paler than it should have been. 

Leliana wasn't sure if it was just the poor lighting, but she could have sworn she saw some of Elissa's veins turning black.

When Leliana was around, they would mostly only beat Elissa. Only once they had brought in a mage to hurt Elissa. 

Leliana could still hear Elissa's screams from when the mage grabbed her and sent electric shocks through her.

"Do you know what they're doing to me?" Elissa asked quietly, her head bowed. Her speech was slightly slurred. "Because I'm a Warden, they're testing the effects of the blight on me." Elissa shook her head. "They're turning me into a ghoul."

"A ghoul?" Leliana asked. 

"Do you remember Hespith from when we were in the Deep Roads looking for Paragon Branka?" Elissa lifted her head a little. "She was turning into a ghoul. If she hadn't killed herself, eventually she would have turned on anyone she saw. She would have tried to kill anyone."

Leliana sighed. "And that's what they're trying to do to you."

Elissa nodded. "I'm not a ghoul yet. I don't hear any voices in my head." She paused. "Well, I  _do_ , but that's just the fake Calling. I think. I-I hope."

"I didn't know you still heard the fake Calling," Leliana said. "That's a little worrying."

Elissa shrugged as best she could. "What am I supposed to do? Ask for help? From  _these_ pricks? We aren't getting out of here alive, Leliana. I thought you knew that."

"Just out of curiosity," Leliana said, "is the voice you hear similar to what you heard in the Deep Roads during the Blight?"

"There's no voice telling me to hurt you, if that's what you're asking," Elissa mumbled. "I don't know, it's just... It's basically just a faint whisper in the back of my head. It's a bit ominous, if you ask me."

"I wish I could help you."

Elissa shrugged again. "What could you do? The Maker is finally punishing me for my sins. In turn, they've barely laid a hand on you."

"That's not entirely true," Leliana said. "They still do things to me. It's just... not as bad as what they're doing to you." Leliana shook her head. "Maker, Elissa, I'm so sorry. I don't even know how they knew we were close once."

"It happens." Elissa gave her a small smile. "It's not your fault."

It felt like Leliana's fault. If she had been more careful, maybe Elissa wouldn't have been in this position.

Maybe Elissa wouldn't be toeing the line between life and death.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa was ready to break. 

She stayed strong for Leliana. She made it seem like what they were doing to her wasn't all that bad. 

Elissa knew she would go unconscious for hours at a time. She knew that it wouldn't be long before she was gone from this world. 

Elissa told them things when they would ask. She would tell them lies, of course, which would get her off the hook for a little while until they found out about the lie. 

That was when they would torture her in front of Leliana. 

Elissa was proud of her former lover. However long it had been since she'd arrived, Leliana had never once told them anything about what they wanted to know. 

Hopefully, once Elissa was gone, Leliana would continue to be stubborn and not tell them anything.

_What do they even want to know? The Inquisition is destroyed._

Elissa wasn't sure. She only told them "truths" about the effects of the blight. 

They were never true. The lies she told were believable, sure, but only for a short time.

Elissa was fine, so long as they didn't hurt Leliana the way they were hurting her. 

She didn't tell Leliana about the other things they did when they took her out of the chamber. What they did made what happened in Fort Drakon seem like a picnic.

Even ten years later, Elissa would still wake up from nightmares in which she revisited what happened to her in Fort Drakon. 

She had learned to stifle her screams and cries as quickly as possible. She didn't want Amethyne to worry, after all. 

Maker, Amethyne. She had been in Kirkwall the last Elissa heard from her. She hoped her daughter was all right and that whoever these Venatori were hadn't gotten to her yet.

They must have found Fergus and his new family by now. Elissa prayed they had a quick death, not a drawn-out one like hers. 

Elissa had also lied to Leliana about how bad the Calling was getting. It was worse than it had been in the Deep Roads.

She would never admit it, of course. Leliana had enough to worry about as it was. 

"You know what this is, Warden-Commander?" asked the torturer, bringing Elissa back from her thoughts.

"Red lyrium?" Elissa asked. "I've seen it before."

The torturer grinned. "Well, do you know what happens to people who are around it long enough?"

"I bet it makes them go crazy," Elissa said. "Was I right?"

"You're awfully mouthy for someone who is about to ingest red lyrium."

Elissa smiled. "It's how I cope with the shitty situation I'm in."

The torturer shook his head before he shoved the red lyrium down her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Elissa is turning into a ghoul and she's now ingesting red lyrium? Man, she cannot catch a break.
> 
> Still, she's happy they're barely touching Leliana (for now). She'd rather they inflict pain upon her than upon Leliana (how sweet). 
> 
> Also, they're both ready to break but in completely different ways. Leliana wants to tell them anything they want to know just so they'll stop hurting Elissa, but Elissa just wants to give up and stop fighting. 
> 
> Depressing. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	7. The Herald Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)
> 
> Enjoy!

Leliana didn't know how much time had passed. 

It could have been weeks, months. Maybe even years. 

Leliana struggled against the chains holding her up as the torturer came closer. 

Elissa had been unconscious longer than usual. Maybe it was because of the pain she was in.

The torturer had recently taken out Elissa's right eye. Blood slid down her cheek and dripped onto the floor.

Elissa was chained to a wall this time, her arms above her head. She was still slumped over, and because she was in a dark spot, Leliana couldn't see if her chest was moving or not.

Most of the time, Elissa was unconscious. That was usually when they would start torturing Leliana. 

Despite however long she had been in Redcliffe's dungeons, Leliana never told them anything. And despite their best efforts to get information out of her by torturing Elissa, Leliana said nothing.

The torturer grabbed a knife from the table. He gripped her chin and brought her head up, pressing the blade against her. 

"You will  _break_ ," the torturer said, gripping her chin harder. 

Leliana's lip curled. "I will  _die_ first," Leliana said. 

The door opening made Leliana glance away from the torturer. In walked... No, it couldn't be her.

Leliana turned back to the torturer as he looked to the door. "Or you will."

Leliana brought her legs up and wrapped them around the torturer's head. After only a few seconds of struggling, she snapped his neck.

The Herald hurried to grab the key that would unlock Leliana's chains. 

"What are you doing here?" Leliana asked. "You're supposed to be dead."

As Evelyn unlocked Leliana's chains, the Tevinter mage said, "We weren't killed. We were sent forward a year in time."

Leliana steadied herself before she looked over to Elissa. 

"Who is that?" Evelyn asked, moving to stand beside Leliana. 

Leliana took a step forward, testing her balance. "That... is the Hero of Ferelden, Elissa Cousland."

She made her way to Elissa, dropping to her knees in front of her. Leliana cupped her face and gently brought it up.

Elissa was breathing, albeit very slowly. Probably too slow. 

"Give me the key," Leliana said, slightly turning back to Evelyn.

"What?" Evelyn asked. "There's no way we're bringing her. She'll be dead weight, Leliana."

"I can carry her until she wakes up," the Iron Bull said. "Won't be a problem for me."

Dorian rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I can try to wake her up now. Though I'm not sure how long it will take."

Leliana nodded. "Do it. Evelyn, give me the key."

Evelyn reluctantly gave Leliana the key. As Dorian crouched in front of Elissa, his hands glowing, Leliana unlocked her chains. 

Elissa immediately slumped forward as her chains were unlocked. Leliana wrapped her arms around Elissa's torso, the Warden's head resting on her shoulder. 

"That should do the trick," Dorian said as he stood. "Give her a minute."

A few moments later, Elissa groaned and shook her head a little. She moved back a little, blinking her good eye into focus. 

"Leli?" Elissa asked, her head tilting to the side a little. "What... What's going on?"

"We need to leave," Leliana said. "Can you stand?"

Elissa nodded. "I think so."

"We need to move," Evelyn said. "Can you stand or not?"

Leliana helped Elissa stand, only to have Elissa hiss and stumble as she tried to walk. 

"Forgot about that," Elissa groaned. She looked at Evelyn. "So, you're the Herald of Andraste? What do you plan to do?"

Instead of answering, Evelyn drew her sword and pointed it at Elissa. 

The Warden merely raised a brow. 

"You're a ghoul," Evelyn said. "You can't expect me to let you come with us."

"To be fair," Elissa said, "I'm not a ghoul yet. I'm well on my way, however."

"She can be trusted, Herald." Leliana gripped the fabric of Elissa's torn Grey Warden armor. "She hasn't tried to hurt any of yet like a real ghoul would have."

Evelyn shook her head and turned away, gesturing for her companions to follow her. "We'll give you two a minute to catch up. But we're getting out of here. All of us."

Leliana turned to Elissa as Evelyn left the room, shutting the door behind her. 

"This doesn't seem real," Elissa said. "I never thought this day would come."

"Are you able to fight?" Leliana asked. "We don't know what we'll face here."

Elissa nodded. "I should be able to. But there's something I need to tell you before we leave." 

Leliana's brows furrowed. "What is it? Is it something they did to you?"

"No," Elissa said. "I don't know if any of us will actually get out of here, least of all you and I. So, before we inevitably go to our deaths, I need to tell you that I... that I love you. So much."

Despite the dirt and dried blood on Elissa's face, Leliana could see that her cheeks had turned pink. She was fidgeting, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. 

Before Leliana knew was she was doing, she grabbed the front of Elissa's armor and crushed their mouths together. 

Elissa seemed startled at first, but her arms hesitantly wrapped around Leliana. 

"You should have told me earlier," Leliana said as she pulled away. She rested her head on Elissa's shoulder. "Maker, I wish you would have told me earlier."

"I was an idiot during the Blight," Elissa murmured. "I'm so sorry."

Leliana took a deep breath before she pulled herself out of Elissa's embrace. "We should go," she said. "The Herald is waiting for us."

Elissa nodded before she followed Leliana to the chest near the door. They both grabbed their weapons before joining the Herald of Andraste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, she finally confessed! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	8. Back in Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look I updated finally. 
> 
> I am SAD after writing this so I can't even imagine what you guys would feel. 
> 
> Enjoy! (or don't. that's not my business)

Throughout their journey to get to Alexius in the throne room, Leliana and Elissa spoke when they weren't fighting demons or Venatori. 

They mostly joked and tried to make the situation they were in better than it actually was. While the Herald and her companions went around collecting red lyrium shards, Leliana and Elissa sat in front of the door to the throne room, leaning against each other. 

Elissa's leg was stretched out in front of her, her swords at her side. A bit of fabric from her ripped Grey Warden armor was wrapped around her bleeding eye socket. 

Leliana was leaning against Elissa, her head resting on her shoulder, her bow somewhere nearby.

"You know," Elissa murmured, "now that I think about it, I thought I was going to die during the Blight, and yet here I am. Maybe we'll survive this after all."

"We just need to make sure Evelyn and Dorian get back to the right timeline," Leliana said. "Our fates don't matter."

Elissa bowed her head. "I know. I just..." She took a deep breath. "I don't want you to die. You deserve better."

"If this can go right, none of this will even have happened."

Elissa let out a quiet, humorless laugh. "The only bad thing is that if none of this happens, I'll probably never actually tell you how I feel. My only regret."

Evelyn and her companions walked back into the hallway. "We just need one more shard, it looks like," Evelyn said. "How are you two holding up?"

"We're okay, Herald," Leliana said. "Go on. We'll be right here." 

Elissa smiled. "Where else would we go?" she asked. "It's not like we can really go anywhere without them."

"Elissa." The Warden turned her head to Leliana, who was already looking up at her from beneath her hood. "I... I do still love you, you know." 

Elissa smiled wider and bumped her nose against Leliana's cheek, resting their foreheads together afterward. "I would hope so," Elissa said. "You don't have to lie to me, either, in case you don't actually love me anymore. I would understand."

"Why couldn't you move on?" Leliana asked, nothing but curiosity in her voice. "We haven't spoken or seen each other in years." 

"You're the only person I've ever loved, Leli," Elissa replied. "The only person that, no matter what, I wanted to protect with my life. How could I move on from someone as beautiful and amazing as you?"

Leliana chuckled breathlessly. "Flatterer," she said before she brought their lips together in a slow and sweet kiss. 

_Maker_ , Elissa thought as Leliana pressed harder against her,  _I'm going back in time to kick my own ass for leaving her._

One of Elissa's hands cupped Leliana's cheek as the other gripped her hip, her fingers digging into Leliana's armor. 

Leliana's hands gripped Elissa's waist, subtly tugging at the fabric. 

"I missed you so much," Elissa breathed as she pulled away, only to start trailing her mouth over Leliana's jaw and neck. 

Leliana gasped in Elissa's ear when the latter nipped at Leliana's pulse point. "Tell me again," Leliana said, her hands moving around Elissa's body. "Tell me you love me."

Elissa paused, slowly bringing her good eye up to meet Leliana's. Leliana was panting, everything about her vulnerable in this moment.

So Elissa whispered, "I love you. I love you so much, Leliana."

They both grinned like fools before their mouths connected again, this time with a fiery passion. 

Elissa had missed this so much. She missed being by Leliana's side through whatever ridiculous quest they were on. 

The clearing of a throat near them broke Elissa and Leliana apart as fast as lightning. 

"We found the last shard," Evelyn said. "We should probably get moving."

Leliana stood quickly, turning to help Elissa stand. Leliana, thankfully, grabbed both their weapons before following the Herald through the doors to the throne room. 

Elissa limped beside Leliana, who had her hand on the Warden's lower back to keep her steady. 

"I knew I hadn't killed you," a man in robes in front of the fireplace said. "I knew you would return. Not that it would be now, but I knew you weren't dead. My final mistake."

"Was this worth it, Alexius?" Dorian asked. "Look at what you've done. And for what?"

The man in question turned to them, a look of sorrow on his face. 

Leliana nudged Elissa with her elbow before she nodded at the young man crouching in the shadows beside the fireplace. 

She had a question in her eyes when she turned to Elissa. 

Elissa took a deep breath before she nodded, watching as Leliana slipped into the shadows, moving towards the young man. 

Just as Alexius was about to speak again, Leliana grabbed the young man and made him stand. She put a knife to his throat. 

Alexius turned, horror now written on his face. "Felix!"

" _That's_ Felix?" Dorian asked. "Maker, Alexius, what have you  _done_?"

"I had to," Alexius said. "He would have died!"

"Leliana, stop!" Evelyn shouted. "Don't hurt him."

Leliana's eyes found Elissa's. "No one should have to live like this," she said before she cut his throat. 

" _No_!" Alexius's face filled with rage. With a cry, he sent a blast that knocked everyone down. "You'll all pay for his death!"

Alexius summoned a rift above them. Not seconds later, demons were coming from the ground. 

A hand on Elissa's shoulder startled her, making her jump a little. 

"Let me help you stand," Evelyn said. "We need you in this fight."

Elissa grabbed Evelyn's hand and stood with her. Leliana was at her side a few moments later, her bow ready. 

Together, they killed any demons that came their way. 

The only problem was the terrors that were too tall for Elissa to deal any real damage. 

She was tall, but she wasn't that tall.

Still, Elissa swiped at their legs and, if she could reach, their bellies. When Leliana was free, she would shoot at their chests and heads. 

In between the rifts appearing, Alexius fought them. He went down easier than any of the demons had, surprisingly. 

After Alexius was dead, Dorian grabbed an amulet off his body. "This looks like the amulet he used to send us back in time," he said. "If I can get it right, I can-"

Before he could finish his sentence, the building around them shook, some stones falling. 

"The Elder One," Leliana said, looking around. "You two need to go."

Evelyn's other companions, the qunari and the blonde elf, nodded to each other before they started making their way to the doors. 

"Wait," Evelyn said. "I can't let you kill yourselves."

"Look at us," Leliana said. "We're already dead."

"The only thing that matters is that you two get back to the right timeline," Elissa said, putting a hand on Leliana's shoulder. "We don't matter anymore."

The building rumbled again. This time, screeches could be heard beyond the door. 

"Give me an hour," Dorian said as his hands began to glow around the amulet. "Then I can-"

"You don't have an hour," Elissa interrupted. "You need to go. Now. We'll hold them off."

Leliana said, "You have as much time as I have arrows." 

Elissa took a steadying breath and readied her swords. 

The doors shook, but they didn't open. 

"Are you ready?" Elissa asked quietly. "Because I'm not."

"No," Leliana answered. "But we don't have a choice."

Elissa nodded. "I love you, Leliana. Don't ever forget that."

She heard Leliana chuckle. "I'll try not to."

The doors to the throne room opened a few moments later. Evelyn's companions were thrown to the ground, almost as if they were nothing. 

Leliana loosed an arrow at a demon. Elissa made her way down the steps and to the demons awaiting them. 

She cut down shades and Venatori. Elissa fought with a terror until it apparently thought that it would be easier to stab its claws into her chest. 

The terror lifted her off the ground, her tainted blood dripping down its claws. It shrieked at her.

"Elissa!" Leliana shouted. 

An arrow was through the terror's eyes a second later. 

It dropped Elissa. She cried out as she hit the floor. 

Leliana collapsed to her knees beside Elissa, one of her hands on Elissa's bleeding chest. 

Leliana moved Elissa so that part of her torso was resting on Leliana's thighs. She was still able to shoot her bow. 

Behind her, Elissa heard Dorian shout, "You move, and we all die!"

Elissa looked up at Leliana. Rage was lining her face, but her eyes... Her eyes were filled with sorrow. 

A pang of hurt sprang in Elissa's chest as she rested her head on Leliana's chest. 

They would die just like her parents had. 

Her father had been laying on the ground after being stabbed, and her mother had cradled her father's dying body in her lap.

It was fitting, that she die like this. The last of the Couslands killed by power hungry monsters. 

One of the Venatori shot an arrow through Leliana's heart. Leliana grunted but continued firing. 

"Leli," Elissa whispered, "it's no use."

Leliana faltered on her next shot. She didn't pull back another arrow. 

Instead, she threw her bow to the side. Leliana wrapped her arms around Elissa as best she could. Elissa assumed they were as tight as they could be.

Leliana's face was buried in Elissa's hair, her body shaking with silent sobs. 

Elissa gripped Leliana's arms as tight as she could as the demons got closer. 

Elissa closed her eyes. She had one last thought before an arrow was through her throat. 

_I'm home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *high pitched screaming*
> 
> Uh oh, did Evelyn and Dorian actually make it through the portal and back to the right timeline? Leliana stopped firing arrows, so who knows?
> 
> (Me. I know)
> 
> (And you probably do too who am I kidding)
> 
> If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	9. Set Things Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess!! Who got!! A job!! and I hate it.
> 
> This is random but I only work Saturday and Sunday nights from like 5 pm to 12 am and so I'll probably start posting chapters once a week (maybe on Thursdays or Fridays??? idk yet) But yeah I am getting a schedule going now.
> 
> Enjoy!

"I appreciate you coming with me, Solona," Elissa said. "I'm sure you have better things to do, though."

Solona shrugged and mounted her horse. "Not really. At least with you, the Templars won't try to kill me on sight."

"You never know." Elissa smirked at the younger mage. "You've met Templars. You know what they're capable of."

Solona's face scrunched up. "Yeah, I know."

Elissa snorted. "I'm not going to let some Templar take you away again. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did."

They rode in silence a little while longer, until Solona stopped her horse and whispered, "Did you hear that?"

Elissa slowed her horse to a stop and listened to the woods around them. There was a snap of a twig to her left.

"It could be anything," Elissa said. "Probably just an animal."

"Sure, but it sounded-" Solona cut herself off with a noise of discomfort. Elissa glanced back at her, seeing Solona frowning with her hand rubbing her chest. 

Elissa's brows furrowed. "You okay?" she asked. 

Solona nodded. "I think so." She rolled her shoulders before looking back up. "I don't know what that was. Just a... sharp pain in my chest out of nowhere."

"Don't tell me you're about to have a heart attack," Elissa said. "Sorry, Sol, but I can't help you there."

Solona stuck her tongue out at Elissa. "Ass."

Elissa put a hand to her chest in mock offense. "Watch your language, madame. There could be young ones about."

Solona gave Elissa a flat look before she started moving her horse. Elissa followed after her.

"If it's all right with you," Elissa said, "I'd like to stop by Haven before we go to Crestwood, see how Leliana is doing."

"Your ex?" Solona asked, glancing back at Elissa. 

"Yes, thank you for reminding me." Elissa shook her head. "I just need to make sure she's okay."

Solona made a noise of curiosity. "You kind of sound like a stalker, Elissa. Ten years after you two broke up, and you're still 'just making sure she's okay'?" 

"We're..." Elissa trailed off before she could say  _We're friends._ Honestly, she didn't know what they were. 

Solona snorted. "Exactly."

"I'm serious, Solona," Elissa said. "What with Corypheus hanging around and the giant fucking hole in the sky spewing out demons, who knows what kind of danger she's in?"

"You know, they made these amazing things called 'letters.' Don't know if you've ever heard of them, but they're pretty neat."

Elissa sighed. "I get it, smartass. You don't want to see her."

"It's not that I don't want to see her, exactly," Solona said, her head tilting to the side a little. "It's just that I don't particularly want to go two weeks out of my way for someone who threatened to have me killed if you died on top of Fort Drakon."

"You can continue to Crestwood if you like," Elissa offered. She tried to ignore the flutter in her chest at the new information. "It's not like I'm tying you to your horse and forcing you to come along."

"No, it's fine." Solona's words were clipped, meaning it most definitely was not fine. "We can go to Haven."

Elissa wasn't sure, but she had thought that Solona still harbored feelings for her. She was always there when Elissa needed help, and she made her dislike for Leliana well known. 

Elissa was rusty on the affection side, so she could never be sure if some of the things Solona said were her just being nice or if she was flirting. 

Still, she would probably find out later. Solona hadn't made a move, which confused Elissa even more. 

Elissa only thought of them as friends, and maybe Solona knew that. 

If not, she would find out soon enough.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

After their two week detour to Haven, which Solona had been grumpy throughout, they had finally made it to what should have been the little village. 

But there was nothing but an unnaturally large amount of snow and a few scattered bodies. 

Solona glanced at Elissa through the dark, who looked to be panicking. 

Elissa hopped off her horse before she ran to the mountain of snow. 

Sighing, Solona dismounted hers before following.

"No. No, no, no, no."

Elissa dug through the snow, but she only found more bodies. 

Were those... Templars? In Haven?

Hadn't the Inquisition gone to the mages for help?

Elissa looked up from where she had been digging to what looked like a tent.

Elissa rushed to it, again digging through it frantically. 

"Elissa," Solona said softly. "We need to go."

The Warden froze, her breathing fast and unsteady. Slowly, she reached into the snow and pulled out an amulet. The rope holding it was snapped in half.

It looked familiar, but where had Solona seen it?

"Unless she truly hated me, she... she wouldn't have taken this off without a fight," Elissa whispered. "It... She was wearing it when I was shot outside of Haven."

The snapped rope showed signs of a struggle. Whoever owned the amulet was dead, or worse.

Solona took a step closer to Elissa, one of her hands reaching out to grab her shoulder. 

Elissa was hunched over the amulet, her whole body shaking.

Solona crouched beside a sobbing Elissa, running her hand up and down Elissa's back. 

It was true. She did still care for Elissa, more than a friend should. But now wasn't the time for her to be selfish.

Even so, Elissa turned and crashed into Solona's chest, her arms wrapping around Solona's torso. Her head was buried in the mage's shoulder, her fingers digging into Solona's shoulder blades. 

Solona hesitantly returned the gesture, her chin resting on the top of Elissa's head. 

Elissa's muffled sobs and cries caused a pang of hurt in Solona's chest. 

She was just glad she wasn't the reason for Elissa's pain. Not this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's okay you can yell at me now. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	10. Old Feelings

Leliana paced around her tent, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

Some of her scouts had gone out in search of Evelyn, but there had been no sign of her yet. Hopefully, she was still alive.

It was probably something she shouldn't have thought about, but Leliana was always reminded of how similar Evelyn and Elissa were. Both were willing to sacrifice themselves to save others. Both were kind and willing to help those in need.

Instinctively, Leliana reached up to grasp the amulet around her neck.

She only grasped cold air.

Leliana felt a muscle twitch in her jaw. While she had been making her way to the Chantry in Haven, one of the Templars had tried to grab her, only to end up grabbing the amulet and ripping it off her neck.

She hadn't really felt right without it. After all, it had been with her for years now.

It was her comfort when she was ready to give up. When she was ready to say _damn it all_ and disappear.

Leliana couldn't, obviously. She had a duty. But after the Inquisition had no further need of her...

Part of her - the part that was still stuck in the time of the Blight - would rather have Elissa by her side through all of this.

It was an absurd thought, of course. Elissa had her own duties. Not to mention the fact that they weren't even really friends anymore.

Even ten years later, however, that part of Leliana missed Elissa always being there for her.

She missed-

"Spymaster?" Harding timidly asked, her head peeking into the tent. "They've found the Herald."

"Who is 'they'?" Leliana asked as she stepped out of the tent, Harding on her heels. "And where is she?"

Before Harding could answer, Leliana heard shouting coming from the path above them. She could barely make out Cullen and Cassandra carrying the Herald down to their makeshift camp.

"Is she alive?" Leliana asked as she hurried to the advisors. 

"As far as I know, yes," Harding answered. 

When Evelyn came into view, Leliana heard herself let out a little gasp. 

The green mark on her hand was glowing, her skin looked too pale, and her lips were blue. 

It was a surprise she wasn't dead yet. 

Cullen and Cassandra laid Evelyn down on a cot one of the scouts had put out. Any mages nearby went over to see what the fuss was about. 

"Is she awake?" Leliana asked, moving to stand beside Cassandra. 

Cassandra threw her hands into the air. "She has been slipping in and out of consciousness."

"Keep her talking," Leliana said. "When she is awake, make sure you keep her talking."

Cassandra narrowed her eyes for a second but nodded nonetheless. 

Leliana remembered Elissa telling her about what to do if someone was at the risk of dying from the cold. 

After all, Leliana had almost succumbed to the cold in the Frostbacks all those years ago. 

She remembered how panicked Elissa had been. How the Warden had tried to play off her worry with humor. 

Leliana could see through that, of course. Still, it had been so easy to tease Elissa. 

Dorian speaking brought Leliana from her thoughts. 

"... and I can warm her up. At least to the point where she isn't at any risk of dying. She is our last hope, after all."

Both Cullen and Cassandra looked opposed to letting Dorian anywhere near Evelyn. 

"Do you want her to die?" Dorian asked. "Because she will if you don't let me raise her body temperature."

"Let him through," Leliana said. "Evelyn is the only one who can close rifts. Without her, we're all doomed. Dorian knows this."

Dorian scoffed. "At least one of you is smart."

Cassandra shook her head, but she stepped aside. "Hurry up, mage," she growled.

Dorian raised his hands defensively as he walked to Evelyn. 

Leliana hoped he would be fast enough.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

On the second week that they had been traveling to wherever Solas had told Evelyn to go, the Herald stopped by Leliana. 

"Hello," Leliana said somewhat timidly, tilting her head at Evelyn. "Do you need something?"

Evelyn shook her head. "No. I just wanted to talk."

Leliana nodded. "About?"

"You risked your life for me back in Redcliffe," Evelyn said. "During the time that wasn't supposed to happen, I mean, when Alexius sent Dorian and I through time."

Leliana hummed. "Of course I did. I've always loved a bargain." 

"There's something else," Evelyn mumbled. "Are you and the Hero of Ferelden close?"

"No," Leliana answered. "Not anymore, at least. Why do you ask?"

Evelyn scratched the back of her head. "Elissa Cousland was in the torture chamber with you. She was chained to a wall when I arrived. One of her eyes was missing, and blood had stained her clothes. It had looked like she had gotten it worse than you did."

"Are you going somewhere with this?" Leliana asked. 

"You two looked like you were close," Evelyn said, looking at the horizon. "You made me give you the keys to unlock her. You wouldn't leave her side. You helped her stand and helped keep her steady. We had even walked in on you two... uh... fiercely kissing.

"After we had killed Alexius, demons started trying to get in. You and the Warden-Commander held them off until a terror had stabbed her through the chest and lifted her into the air. You shot it, it dropped her, and then you held her. You gave up trying to defend Dorian and I to comfort her."

Leliana looked down at the snow crunching beneath her feet. "Why would I do something like that?" Leliana asked quietly. "Why would I jeopardize your chance to get back to the right timeline for someone who broke my heart? Someone who left me alone and scared?"

"Because you still love her," Evelyn said, just as quiet. "I heard you two. She said she loved you, and then it went quiet for a moment, and when you came out into the hallway, you were grinning like a lovesick fool."

Leliana shook her head. "I don't still love her."

"Is that why you're still trying to reach for that amulet she gave you?" Evelyn asked. She walked away a second later, leaving Leliana to realize she was reaching up instinctively for the amulet that wasn't there.


	11. Orlesian Wardens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some heavy cursing and a mention of being hurt but that's about it. Oh also Elissa questions her sanity for like a split second too.
> 
> I think that's it as far as warnings for this chapter go.
> 
> Enjoy!

"Shit," Elissa hissed as she ducked behind a rock. "Shit, shit, shit."

An arrow whistled by just above her head. 

"Come with us, Warden-Commander," someone shouted. "We don't want to hurt you."

"Tell that to the arrows you're shooting at me!" Elissa yelled back. 

Solona had wanted to stay in Crestwood to help the people there. A few hours later and Elissa was being shot at by Wardens from Orlais. 

She wouldn't kill them. She would just knock any that came after her unconscious. There were four of them to begin with. There were only two left standing. 

Hawke was supposed to have met her in Crestwood days ago. That clearly hadn't happened. 

Elissa glanced at another rock just a few feet away. If she rolled to it...

Reaper whined and nudged his head against Elissa's shoulder. 

She hadn't planned on him being there with her. He was getting too old. But after Haven, she had sent a letter to Fergus, asking him to send one of Highever's soldiers to Crestwood with Reaper. 

She wanted to be around something familiar. Something she could trust without a second thought. 

When she arrived, Reaper had bounded toward her and knocked her to the ground. 

Elissa nodded at Reaper. "I know, boy," she murmured. "We're getting out of here."

"Warden-Commander," one of the Wardens said. "You have ten seconds to come with us, or we shoot to kill."

"Wasn't that what you were doing before?" Elissa snapped. She readied her swords for a fight. 

The man started counting down. Elissa tightened her grip on her swords. 

As soon as he hit one, she and Reaper leaped over the rock. 

She knocked down the Warden with the bow. Reaper collided with the one with a sword. 

She hit the pommel of her sword against the Warden's head. She stood a did the same thing to the Warden that was struggling with Reaper. 

Reaper barked in what sounded like worry. 

Elissa crouched in front of him. "What is it, buddy?" she asked, reaching out her hand to touch his head. 

She stopped when she felt a sharp pain in her right shoulder. 

Elissa glanced at her shoulder. "Oh, fuck," she sighed, shaking her head at the sight of a dagger sticking out. 

Reaper nudged her good arm, a whine escaping. 

"I know, I know," Elissa said, standing slowly. "I had just had this armor repaired, too."

She couldn't pull the dagger out. Not without any bandages, at least. 

Sighing, Elissa looked down both sides of the road. Going back to Crestwood meant Solona would see her and would say that Elissa clearly wasn't able to be out on her own. 

Which was not true. 

It was just these damn Orlesian Wardens. 

What did Warden-Commander Clarel want with her anyway?

Elissa turned away from the way to Crestwood, instead going further out into the wilderness. 

As soon as she found somewhere away from prying eyes, Elissa had a complaint to write to Hawke.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Elissa,_

_Sorry I wasn't able to make it to Crestwood. I went to Haven, but by the time I had arrived, it was destroyed._

_Varric sent me a letter while I was on my way to Crestwood. He said to meet him in Skyhold, and even gave me some vague descriptions on how to get there._

_It's a fortress. Could probably withstand another attack from Corypheus._

_I hope you've found some things on him, by the way. I told the newly appointed Inquisitor that you were in Crestwood and that you had some things on Corypheus._

_Don't make me look bad._

_I'll be traveling to Crestwood a few days before the Inquisitor does. Hopefully, you'll tell me where you are so I don't have to trek through that muddy landscape._

_I won't be leaving for another week. If you can, write back to me as soon as possible. Let me know if it's safe to come to Crestwood or if I should wait longer._

_Thanks again,_

_Marian Hawke_

 

Elissa sighed and leaned against the cave wall. There was a raven that was still watching her on a rock just a few feet away. 

It had been watching her since she received the damn letter. 

That did explain why Hawke wasn't in Crestwood, though. She would do anything for Varric. 

Elissa cocked her head at the bird. "Are you from Skyhold?"

The raven mimicked her movement, squawking in response. 

Elissa chuckled. "And I'm talking to a bird. I wonder how much lower my sanity can go..."

She reached into her pack and grabbed some paper and her inkwell. She'd already had a quill, for some reason. 

Elissa had asked Reaper to get some bandages from Crestwood by getting Solona and pointing them out, and then had asked him to get some paper and some ink. 

She could still remember the first time he had come back.  _How in the Maker's name does "bandage" sound like "bone," Reaper?_

Elissa had let him keep the bone, of course, but only after he had actually gotten her what she asked for. 

Solona had written her a note.  _I hope you're doing okay. Don't hesitate to contact me if you need me._

It would have been nice to have Solona with her, but... They both had things they needed to do. Solona was helping the townspeople fend off the dead and Elissa was staying away from the town so she didn't endanger the townspeople just by existing as a Warden.

She might have also taken a few books on magic with her from Crestwood. When the townspeople found out, she didn't think they would welcome her back with open arms.

Even so, Elissa  _did_ have to find something about Corypheus. Why he wasn't dead yet, what he even was, and if he and the Architect had anything in common. 

He was a mystery, one Elissa wanted to figure out before it was too late.

Maybe he had something to do with the fake Calling every Grey Warden was hearing. Hawke thought there was some connection between Corypheus and the Calling, but there was no solid proof. 

Elissa looked down at the paper in her hand, her other hand reaching up to grasp the badly tied amulet around her neck. The one from her Joining sat comfortably next to the one her "father" had given her when she was in the Temple of Sacred Ashes. 

_I wish you were here, Leli_ , Elissa thought.  _You would know what to do._

She released the amulet with a shaky exhale. 

Elissa glanced at the raven still watching her one last time before she began writing a response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I forgot to mention that Elissa doesn't even know if Leliana is still alive or not. Whoopsie. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	12. Leaving for Skyhold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Elissa lifted her head when she heard muffled voices coming from the entrance to the cave. 

Reaper whined, his head tilting to the side as he sniffed the air. He gave her a worried look.

_Could it be more Wardens?_ Elissa thought.  _Did they find me?_

Elissa quietly unsheathed her swords as she stood. She wasn't sure how far sound could carry in the cave. 

There was a laugh. It was closer than the voices had been a few moments ago. 

Elissa slowly backed away from the door that blocked off part of this little cave. She and Reaper hid behind the rock in the middle of the room. 

She could hear footsteps now. Elissa took a deep breath as the door opened. 

She quietly made her way around the rock, her eyes narrowing at the woman who had entered. 

The woman had her back turned to Elissa, her head turning to look around the little cave. 

Elissa watched the woman. She slowly lifted her sword and pointed it at her. 

The woman turned around and immediately paused, her eyes going wide. 

Others entered, drawing their weapons as the woman raised her hands defensively. 

Just as Elissa was about to speak, a familiar face entered the cave. 

"Wait!" Hawke cried, looking like she was about to reach out for Elissa. "It's fine, they're allies. This is the Inquisitor."

Elissa narrowed her eyes for a second before she sheathed her swords. "Inquisitor," she greeted, bowing slightly. "A pleasure to meet you."

The Inquisitor nodded warily. "Please, just call me Evelyn, Warden-Commander."

Elissa smirked and crossed her arms. "Elissa."

"I should have told you we would be arriving together," Hawke said. She scratched the back of her head. "But, we're here now."

"I haven't found much on Corypheus," Elissa said, glancing down at Reaper standing by her legs. "Though... One of my Wardens caught wind of a meeting in the Western Approach. I'd say you'll find some of your answers there."

Evelyn sighed. "Thank you, Warden-Comm- er, Elissa. I do have one question, however." She tilted her head slightly to the side. "Are the Wardens involved with Corypheus in any way?"

Elissa shrugged. "I'm not sure, to be completely honest. I know that the Wardens I trust are not. Apparently, we didn't get the memo. All the other Wardens have been gone for quite some time. I don't know where they went."

"Some Warden-Commander you are," a blonde elf mumbled. 

"Sera," Evelyn warned, turning slightly to the elf, "that's enough."

Elissa waved them away. "No, it's all right. I haven't been there for my Wardens. Warden-Commander Clarel of Orlais wants something to do with me, and it's my job to figure out what."

"Speaking of Wardens," Hawke said. "I passed by some on my way here. They were from Orlais. Sounded like they were pissed and looking for you."

Elissa nodded. "I ran into them on the way here. Knocked them all out. I would imagine they are very pissed off."

"Thank you for your help, Elissa," Evelyn said. "Will... you be traveling back to Skyhold with us?"

Elissa snorted. "Don't tell me you came all the way to Crestwood just to talk with me for five minutes."

Evelyn smiled and shook her head. "No, we were going to help the people here anyway. There are rifts that need closing." She raised her left hand and wiggled her fingers. "Hawke knows where Skyhold is. You can travel with her if you want."

Hawke nudged Elissa's shoulder. "I'm sure you've got other things to attend to, Elissa," she said, "if you don't want to come to Skyhold."

"I think I'll come," Elissa said. "See where the Inquisition's new base of operations is."

Evelyn nodded. "Good. We can talk more there. In the meantime, we have to get going. Innocent townspeople to help, and all."

Hawke stayed behind as Evelyn and her companions left. 

She looked like she was about to say something, but Elissa blurted out, "Solona is here."

Hawke nodded slowly. "I am aware. I ran into her in Crestwood."

"I'm... I'm going to ask if she wants to come to Skyhold. If that's fine with you, of course."

Hawke shrugged. "'Course it's fine with me. She's my cousin."

"She hasn't spoken with Daylen in a while," Elissa said, shaking her head slightly. "I remember those two used to be inseparable."

"I'm sure he's fine," Hawke said. "They're Amells. They can survive anything." 

Elissa laughed quietly. "That is true. Even so, are you sure you're fine staying here at most another day? I'm sure Solona doesn't really want to travel again."

"Really?" Hawke asked, a knowing smirk on her face. "If it's with you, she'll go anywhere."

Elissa shook her head. "I doubt it. I'll ask her, just in case."

Hawke began leaving the little cave. "Whatever you say, Elissa. Just don't hurt her this time."

Elissa's brows furrowed as she grabbed her pack and began following Hawke. "When have I ever hurt her?" 

"You hurt her everytime you're around her," Hawke stated, glancing back at her. "We don't talk much, but we do talk. She has told me about you recently, you know."

"I'll talk to her." Elissa rubbed the back of her head. "I'll make it right."

Hawke waved her hand. "Do what you want. But if you break her heart again, I'm coming for you. She's family."

Elissa nodded but said nothing else. 

Solona was a good friend. She couldn't lose her. 

Not now.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa knocked on the door of the house Solona was supposed to be staying in. 

She hoped she had gotten the house right. 

"The dead don't knock," yelled a man from inside. "Who's there?"

Elissa sighed. "My name is Elissa. I'm looking for a woman named Solona. She was supposed to be staying in this house for a little while."

The door opened a moment later, and Solona's form came into view. Reaper barked happily. 

"Hi," Solona said. She sounded slightly breathless. 

Elissa smiled. "Hello."

Solona glanced back inside before she stepped outside, shutting the door behind her. "What are you doing here? I thought you were-"

"I'm going with Haw- uh, Marian. To Skyhold. Where the new Inquisitor is."

Solona nodded. "Okay? What does that have to do with me?"

Elissa looked down at her feet. "Uh, would you like to come along? To Skyhold, I mean. You don't have to, you can stay here-"

A hand on her shoulder stopped her. "Elissa. Sure, I'll come with you. Just give me an hour or two to get my things together." 

"You don't have to come," Elissa said, frowning slightly. "You can do whatever you want."

Solona smiled and cocked her head to the side. "I do want to do this," she said quietly. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have said yes."

She went back inside with a pat on Elissa's shoulder. 

Reaper nudged her leg and barked. 

"Huh," Elissa mumbled. "That was easy."

Elissa looked around, wondering what she would do while she waited for Solona.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana glanced up from a letter when she heard familiar shouting at the gates of Skyhold. 

Someone important was entering. 

She narrowed her eyes slightly and looked out the window. 

Two horses, one mabari, and three people entered. Leliana recognized one as being the Champion of Kirkwall, but the other two had their hoods up. Hawke was riding by herself and the other two were riding together. 

Leliana knew at least one of them had to be a Grey Warden. That was why the Inquisitor had gone to Crestwood, after all. 

Hawke and the others hopped off their horses, Master Dennet coming to lead them to the stables. 

The tallest one leaned over to Hawke, nodding before they began lowering their hood. 

Leliana could see the familiar pale hair braided back and the familiar flash of a Grey Warden-Commander's armor. 

Leliana gasped as the figure turned to face the rookery's tower. 

She only had one thought. 

_No._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	13. Hello, Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Elissa chuckled as Solona took in her surroundings. 

"This place is huge!" she exclaimed, her eyes bright. She turned to Elissa. "I'm glad I came." 

Elissa patted her on the shoulder. "The only bad part is that you'll have to stay with me," she said. "We don't know anyone here. And I'm a Grey Warden. Have you heard the rumors going on about us?"

Solona scoffed as they both began following Hawke across the courtyard. "Of course I've heard. I have been traveling with you for months, you know."

"Yeah, yeah," Elissa said. "But I'm serious. Stay with me until we know who we can trust."

"You can trust me," Hawke said, glancing back at them. "And Varric. The Inquisitor. That's... really all I've met so far."

Elissa clasped her hands behind her back and stood straighter as they passed by nobles. 

It was a habit, if nothing else. 

Solona and Hawke continued talking as they walked into the entrance to Skyhold. Hawke was strolling through as if she owned the place. 

They stopped in the dining hall and Hawke began speaking with them about where and where not to go. 

Elissa looked down at her legs, where Reaper should have been, but started to panic when he wasn't there. 

Both Solona and Hawke seemed distracted, so Elissa began backing away to look for her mabari.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana took a deep breath before she opened the door to the dining hall slightly. 

"Looking for someone?" Solas asked from behind her. 

Leliana shook her head. "The Hero of Ferelden is here."

Solas made a noise of curiosity. "Looking for her, then?"

"I'm trying to avoid her," Leliana snapped. "But I don't see her..."

She only saw Hawke and Solona Amell. The latter looked like she was ready to say something to Elissa, but she paused when she realized no one was there. 

She said something to Hawke, who turned around and began looking around. 

They left the dining hall a few moments later. 

Leliana breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door all the way. She began making her way to Josephine's office, looking around the hall the whole time. 

But she stopped just outside of Josephine's door when she heard talking. 

"... don't know how he even got in here," a woman was saying. "I'm so sorry, again."

"Do not worry," Josephine said. "He's a good dog. What's his name?"

"Reaper," the woman said. "He's a trouble-maker."

Josephine laughed. "He does look like it." 

_Oh no._

"Again," the woman said, "I'm so sorry he bothered you. He should know better."

"It was no trouble. I assume you will be staying in Skyhold?" 

"I will be. For now, however, I shall leave you to your work."

Leliana didn't have any time to move before the door was swinging open. The woman inside knocked into Leliana, but she grabbed the spymaster's arms before she could fall. 

"I'm so sorry!" the woman exclaimed. "I didn't see- oh, sweet Maker."

Elissa let go of Leliana's arms almost like she had been burned. 

"Elissa," Leliana sighed, shaking her head slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh." Leliana looked up to see Elissa's face flushed red. She was rubbing the back of her neck. "The, um, Inquisitor wanted me here."

"Why?" Leliana asked. "You aren't-" She paused when she looked down at Elissa's chest. 

She was wearing the amulet Leliana had lost back at Haven. 

Leliana reached for the amulet, murmuring, "Where did you get this?"

"I tried to visit you in Haven," Elissa said, relaxing when she seemingly realized that Leliana wasn't going to hurt her. "But... when I got there, it was buried in snow. I thought you were dead."

"Why would you think I was dead?" Leliana asked. 

Instead of answering, Elissa quickly asked, "Do you hate me?"

Leliana blinked in surprise. "What? No. I don't hate you."

Elissa nodded before she began taking the amulet off. "Good, that's good. Um..." She held the amulet out to Leliana. "You can have this back."

Leliana gently took the amulet from Elissa. Its familiar weight was comforting in her hand. 

"Thank you." She tilted her head to the side. "Will you come with me? We need to talk."

Elissa nodded again, gesturing for Leliana to lead the way. 

Leliana made her way back up to the rookery. It was one of the only places she felt she could be safe talking to Elissa. 

"Wow," Elissa said as she entered the rookery, taking in her surroundings. "This isn't ominous at all."

Leliana smacked her arm. "Shut up," she said, but she was smiling. "We need to talk about some things if you're going to be here."

"What do we need to talk about?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms and leaning against a pillar. "I stay away from you, you stay away from me, we both win."

"Elissa, I..." She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I don't want to stay away from you."

She looked back at Elissa, who had her eyes narrowed, her head cocked to the side. "Who are you and what have you done with Leliana?"

Leliana chuckled. "Funny." 

Elissa shrugged. "I try."

"I'm serious, Elissa," Leliana said. "I don't hate you, and I have a feeling you don't hate me either."

"You know," Elissa said, "you probably should hate me. I mean, after all I've done to you?"

"The problem is that I don't, even after all the times you've hurt me." She added quietly, "Quite the opposite, in fact."

Elissa's brows furrowed as she straightened. "What was that?"

Leliana shook her head. "Nothing. It was nothing."

Elissa nodded and looked out the window. "I can stay away if you want me to, you know," she said. "I don't have a problem with that."

"Elissa. I want to be around you. I want to be your friend."

"Why?" Elissa asked. 

"Because..." She quickly tried to think of an answer, one that wouldn't give her away. "Because you're all I have left."

Leliana turned away and bowed her head. Not a moment later, Elissa's hand was on her lower back. It was light, barely there, but it was comforting nonetheless.

"Leliana. You know I'll always be here for you."

If Evelyn's confession was true, and if Elissa really did love her... Leliana couldn't lose that. 

"I'm sorry about everything," Elissa murmured. "I shouldn't have left you. I shouldn't have abandoned you. I... Damn it, I really should have been there for you. But if you want, I can be here for you now. I can make it up to you."

Leliana nodded and took a deep breath. "I know you can. It will be hard, I'm not going to lie. But I want to try this." She closed her eyes. "I can't lose you again."

"You won't," Elissa said. "Unless you want me to, I'm not leaving you again."

"Thank you." Leliana looked back at Elissa. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have work to get back to. I'll see you around."

Elissa nodded and stepped back. She gave a slight bow. "See you around, Leli."

Leliana couldn't help the flutter in her chest at the nickname. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't really how I wanted to chapter to go. I wanted to put more angst and such (because I'm a monster) but I'm happy they're off to a good start.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	14. Training Sessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, I'm updating frequently now. What a shock.
> 
> Enjoy!

Leliana smiled and tilted her head at the scene in the courtyard. 

She had been walking with Josephine along the ramparts, allowing the Antivan to speak of her troubles. 

And then there had been shouting.

Both Leliana and Josephine had expected the worst, but the scene before them was much better than Leliana had thought. 

Elissa was shouting at Solona, but she looked to be smiling. Both had their weapons drawn. 

"Come on, Sol!" Elissa yelled. "You can do better than that."

Several Inquisition soldiers were watching them. Even a few of Evelyn's companions were, as well. 

Elissa looked to be wearing a loose shirt and pants. They were clinging to her body from sweat. 

Solona moved into a fighting stance. She raised her staff into the air, spun it once, then slammed it to the ground. 

A crack in the earth spread towards Elissa, who looked panicked for a second before she jumped out of the way. 

Elissa laughed and shook her head. "That was new, but it still sucked!"

"You try something, then!" 

Elissa rolled her shoulders before she rushed toward Solona. 

Not a moment later, she was being thrown into the air, her swords flying out of her reach. 

Leliana made a noise of displeasure as she watched Elissa land on her stomach. 

Elissa curled in on herself, cradling her wrist to her chest. 

Solona dropped her staff and dropped to her knees beside Elissa. 

Elissa clearly had other ideas.

She rolled over, flipping Solona underneath her in the process.

Elissa said something to her before she climbed off. She stood slowly, shaking her hand and cocking her head at it. 

"You should talk to her," Josephine said quietly. 

Leliana sighed. "I have talked to her. But we're both busy."

"It does not look like she is busy right now." Josephine put a hand on her shoulder. "Go. I should get back to work anyway. Thank you for the walk."

Josephine left, leaving Leliana to stare after Elissa alone. 

Elissa must have realized someone aside from the soldiers was looking at her. She looked to the ramparts, smiling and waving when she saw Leliana. 

Leliana smiled a little wider. She turned away, wondering if Elissa would go up to the ramparts or continue training. 

She got her answer a few moments later. 

"Fancy seeing you here," Elissa said, making Leliana glance to her side. 

Leliana chuckled and leaned against the stone wall, crossing her arms over her chest. "I do live here, you know."

"But you don't live on the ramparts," Elissa said as she stood next to Leliana. "I saw you watching, by the way."

"What can I say?" Leliana asked. "You know I'm drawn to women with muscles."

Leliana blushed as soon as it had come out, but Elissa didn't seem to notice what she meant.

"Really?" Elissa asked, surprise in her voice. "When I look at women with muscles, I get called a creep and get things thrown at me." She sighed and shook her head. "I wish it were breasts getting thrown at me, but alas, it's usually rocks."

Leliana snorted. "Your sense of humor hasn't changed a bit, I see."

Elissa was grinning when Leliana looked at her. "Nope," Elissa said. "I haven't really changed, honestly."

"The crooked nose is new," Leliana pointed out. 

"Oh, that," Elissa mumbled. She gently touched her nose. "Yeah, there were a bunch of darkspawn that came out of nowhere. I mean hundreds, maybe even thousands. I killed most of them, of course, because this is me we're talking about. But there was one hurlock that bested me-"

Leliana was laughing as soon as she realized Elissa was joking. "You are so full of shit," Leliana interrupted. "What really happened?"

"I got really drunk a week or two after I woke up." Elissa looked down at the courtyard, her brows furrowing. "It was after I realized that..." She cleared her throat. "That the Blight was over."

"What does you getting drunk have to do with your crooked nose?"

Elissa sighed. "There was a man. He was hitting on this girl, being really inappropriate. I didn't really care, but then he touched her in a way that clearly made her uncomfortable and I... I snapped. Shoved him, told him to back off. He called me some pretty nasty things."

Leliana put a hand on Elissa's shoulder. "Is he the one that did that to you?"

Elissa shook her head. "No. It was the girl, actually. She punched my nose - really hard, might I add - and... yeah, she said some bad things too. Homophobic pieces of shit." She rubbed the back of her neck. "I suppose that's what I get for trying to be chivalrous."

"Why didn't you get it fixed?" Leliana asked. "Why not get it set?"

Elissa hummed, the corners of her lips twitching up. "Did I mention that I was really drunk? I wasn't thinking."

Leliana chuckled. "It adds to your charm."

"Aw, you think I have charm?" Elissa asked. "Trust me, I don't. But the nose does add to the whole, 'Sweet Maker, what happened to you?' thing I get with the werewolf scar."

"I can't believe people still ask about that."

"Imagine you never met me," Elissa said, glancing at Leliana. "Then, you meet me after I have the scar. What would your reaction be?"

Leliana shrugged and shook her head. "I wouldn't make a scene about it. I'm used to seeing scars."

"Sure," Elissa said, "but this is a scar across my jaw. Don't tell me you wouldn't be curious."

"I didn't say that." Leliana sighed and stepped away. "I should get back to the rookery. I still have work to do."

"Well, Leliana, I enjoyed this little talk," Elissa said. "We should do this more often."

Leliana nodded. "Come visit me in the rookery when you have time. It's where I usually am."

"You've told me before." Elissa smiled kindly. "I will. Visit you, I mean. It's not like I do much, anyway." Her eyes widened. "Oh Maker, I'm turning into Reaper."

Leliana laughed. "I've seen him lying around Skyhold."

"He's such a lazy dog." Elissa shook her head fondly. "Anyway, I'll let you get back to your work. I have a nap planned."

"Really? When did you start sleeping?" Leliana asked as she began backing away. 

Elissa just smirked and winked. She turned away, heading back down to the courtyard.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Before Elissa descended the steps to the courtyard, she looked back to Leliana. 

Just being around her made Elissa's heart ache. And now that they were having normal conversations...

It was almost like they had been friends all this time. Elissa didn't feel like bringing up what happened between them in case Leliana was with someone else. 

Elissa would be surprised if Leliana wasn't with someone else. 

She wanted to be friends again, of course. Even ten years later, she felt so bad about abandoning Leliana. 

Elissa sighed and called out, "Leliana, wait."

The woman in question stopped in her tracks and turned around. "What is it?"

Elissa made her way to Leliana, her arms dangling uselessly. "Would you... Will you be busy tonight?"

Leliana shook her head, her brows furrowing slightly. "I shouldn't be. Why? What do you need?"

"Would you want to get a drink with me tonight?" Elissa asked, a blush starting to come to her cheeks. 

It was only because she was hot from training. 

"What, at the tavern?" Leliana was smirking, amusement in her eyes. 

"Well..." Elissa looked at the mountains surrounding Skyhold. "No. Meet me back here at sundown. I'll have some drinks set up." She paused. "You still like wine, right?"

Leliana nodded. "Of course. Meet you here at sundown." She smiled. "I'll see you then."

Elissa's heart fluttered in her chest at the smile Leliana gave her. 

Maybe it would be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, what's going to happen when they have drinks together?
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	15. Let's Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Sundown had come much quicker than Elissa wished. 

She had gotten wine and two glasses, but before she could pour any, a young blond boy had appeared seemingly out of thin air.

_"She likes honey in her wine," the boy said, his head tilting to the side slightly._

Elissa had almost fallen off the ramparts. Her heart was still racing from the encounter. 

Elissa was currently leaning against the stone wall, her wine glass in hand. She sipped it slowly, her anxiety rising with each passing minute. 

She hadn't known what she should wear to this little get-together. Elissa had debated the subject for about an hour before deciding on her Grey Warden dress robes. 

They were the only decent looking clothing she owned.

Elissa was ready to pack everything and go back to her room when she heard, "You know, I didn't actually expect you to be here."

Elissa looked to where Leliana was walking toward her. "You know I wouldn't leave you waiting," Elissa answered, a smile pulling at her lips. 

She handed Leliana a wine glass. When Leliana took a drink, she hummed and said, "This is sweet. What did you do to it?"

"A young man appeared out of nowhere and told me you liked honey in your wine," Elissa answered, turning to lean her elbows on the opening in the stone wall. 

Leliana copied her movement. "That would be Cole."

"What... is he?" 

Leliana shrugged and took another sip from her wine. "We thought he was a spirit, but now we're not so sure."

Elissa nodded. She looked to Leliana, studying her for a second. 

She was wearing the amulet from Elissa's Joining. It hung loosely from her neck. 

"Do you ever wear anything else?" Elissa asked jokingly, gesturing to Leliana's armor. 

Leliana chuckled and shook her head slightly. "Not really, no. This makes me feel protected."

"Really? No one to keep you safe these days?"

Leliana gave her a questioning look before she hesitantly answered. "No. There hasn't been for some time. Why do you ask?"

Elissa raised her free hand defensively and drank some of her wine. "Just curious. Don't mind me."

"What about you?" Leliana asked. "You and Solona seem close."

"Sol?" Elissa shook her head. "No. We're just friends. I, uh... I know she feels things for me, but no. I don't think of her like that."

"Are you sure she knows you're just friends?"

" _Yes,_ Leliana," Elissa said, annoyance creeping into her voice. "I've made it clear what we are."

They stood in silence for a few moments, until Leliana asked, "Why did you want to meet here?"

Elissa shrugged. "I like the view at sundown. It's peaceful."

Leliana nudged their shoulders together. "I forgot you liked watching the sun go down."

"It's not like it was a big deal," Elissa said. "They just remind me that there are still beautiful things in this world."

"Why did you really want to have drinks?" Leliana asked, putting her chin on her hand. 

Elissa rubbed at her neck. "Because I wanted to tell you something, but I needed alcohol in me to work up my courage."

"Is there enough alcohol in you now?"

Elissa shook her head. "Nope. Not even close."

She looked at Leliana, who was smiling at her, her eyes curious. "Can you tell me anyway?"

Elissa turned away and closed her eyes for a second as she thought. 

They hadn't been talking long. What if she ended up scaring Leliana away?

She couldn't lose Leliana. Not a second time. 

Elissa sighed and reopened her eyes. "Why don't we talk for a little while longer?" 

Leliana nodded and looked back to the setting sun. "What do you want to talk about, then?"

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

They had talked for about another hour. It was mostly about what had happened since the last time they had seen each other. 

Leliana told her about her travels. Told her about being Left Hand of the Divine.

In turn, Elissa told Leliana about her family and about how bad everything had been recently. 

"In all honesty," Elissa said, "I never actually thought the Wardens would be declared traitors again."

"I thought you said the Wardens had nothing to do with the Breach?"

Elissa shrugged and drank more of her wine. "I'm not so sure they had nothing to do with it. The evidence adds up, doesn't it? The Wardens are to blame."

Leliana was quiet for a moment. "Do you hear it too?"

Elissa looked at Leliana. "What? The Calling?" At Leliana's nod, she sighed. "Yeah, I do. But it's quiet, barely there. It's only worse when I'm alone."

"Then let's make sure you're not alone," Leliana said gently. "You know we won't let anything happen to you."

"Well, I know  _you_ won't let anything happen to me," Elissa said. "Can't say much about the people you work with."

"You trust me, don't you?" Leliana asked. 

Elissa nodded. "Of course I do."

"And I trust the people I work with. Trust me, Elissa. If I say so, they won't let anything happen to you."

"All right," Elissa said. "Can I tell you that thing?"

"Of course."

Elissa looked at the valley below them. "So, uh..." She cleared her throat. "You know we were a thing during the Blight. Maker, what am I saying, of course you know." She smiled a little when Leliana chuckled. "You know I cared about you. A lot."

"I do know that," Leliana said slowly. "Where are you going with this?"

"Well... I never actually told you how I felt. I mean, I showed you, sure, but I imagine it would have made you feel better if I told you." Elissa took a deep breath. "I... I love you, Leliana. Even ten years after the Blight. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when I needed to be."

When she looked at Leliana, part of her was expecting a slap or a punch to the face. But all she saw was rage lining Leliana's features.

"Why now?" Leliana asked, turning to Elissa with disbelief in her eyes. "Why now, after all this time?"

Elissa's mouth opened and closed as she tried to find something to say. After a moment, she settled with, "I just thought you should know."

Leliana stood straight and shook her head. "Ten years, Elissa. You're ten years too late."

Elissa's heart cracked as she watched Leliana leave. She felt tears sting her eyes. 

One fell down her cheek when she bowed her head. 

"Warm arms on cold nights," said a familiar voice from behind Elissa. "Feeling safe, protected. Feeling wanted again. Maker, why now,  _why now_?"

Elissa rubbed at her eyes. "Hello, Cole."

Cole put a hesitant hand on her shoulder. "She loves you too, you know. You hurt her years ago, but that did not change the way she feels."

"No, she doesn't," Elissa snapped. "If she felt the same, she wouldn't have just left like that."

Elissa shook her head once before she turned away and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	16. Time to Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

It had been two weeks since Elissa's little confession. The Warden had been avoiding all Leliana's attempts to speak with her for those two weeks.

It had been frustrating, to say the least. 

Tonight was the night before Elissa would be leaving for the Western Approach. 

And Leliana had had enough.

She was standing outside Elissa's room, her hand hovering over the door. 

Did she really want to do this? What if Elissa wasn't even in her room?

That was a lie. She knew Elissa was in her room. 

Her agents had been very helpful.

Taking a deep breath, Leliana rapped her knuckles against Elissa's door. 

There was only a groan on the other side of the door.

Curious, Leliana tried opening the door. 

It was unlocked.

Leliana slowly opened it, trying to keep the squeaking to a minimum. 

Elissa was the only person in the room. She was laying on the only bed, stomach down, with the sheets halfway down her torso. 

She wasn't wearing a shirt. 

Leliana stepped fully into the room, eyeing the mark on Elissa's back. 

It looked to be a tattoo. Was that... a  _griffin_?

The tail curled onto her shoulder and part of her bicep. 

The shirt she had been wearing after her training session had covered it up.

Something like a whimper came from Elissa. She curled in on herself, her head burying further into her pillow. 

Leliana took a few steps closer. "Elissa?" she asked softly.

The closer she got, the more she realized how badly Elissa's body was shaking. 

A nightmare, then.

Leliana sat on the edge of the bed. "Elissa?" she asked again, louder this time. 

Elissa only continued to shake and whimper. 

Panicking just a little, Leliana stood, this time so she could shake Elissa awake. 

When Elissa rolled onto her back, her eyes were open. 

But they were white. 

"Elissa," Leliana said urgently. "Wake up. It's just a dream." 

Elissa shuddered, her eyes closing, her breath coming out in sharp exhales. 

As they opened, Elissa's blue eyes reappeared. 

And then they widened when they focused on Leliana.

Elissa yelped and jumped from the bed, the sheets tangling around her legs as she fell over the side. 

Leliana couldn't help the small smile on her face as she climbed over the bed, peeking down at Elissa's groaning form. 

"Maker, Leliana," Elissa sighed, pulling the sheet tighter around her chest. "What are you doing in here?"

"I... wanted to talk." Leliana moved away from the edge so that Elissa could sit on the bed. "But you've been avoiding me."

"It's not like I didn't have a reason," Elissa said, settling on the bed. "I finally tell you how I feel, and you snap at me and leave? I'd call that a good reason."

Leliana sighed. "I just... I wasn't prepared for you to say any of that. A part of me didn't think you still felt the same."

"The blond spirit boy, Cole. He said you still love me." Elissa looked up at Leliana, confusion and hurt and hope flashing in her eyes. "Do you?"

Leliana looked away, her brow furrowing. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it and shook her head slightly. 

The movement didn't go unnoticed by Elissa. 

"All right, then," Elissa said, standing and moving away from the bed. "You know where the door is."

Elissa had her back turned to Leliana, clutching the sheet around her body. Her head was bowed.

"I didn't mean it like-"

"Leliana," Elissa said sternly, "get out."

"Will you just let me talk?" Leliana asked as she stood.

Elissa turned around, fury now lining her features. But her eyes held sorrow. 

"No," Elissa snapped. "I gave you your chance. Twice. I'm not going to chase after someone that only considers me a friend. I've been hurt too many times and I'll be damned if I let you hurt me again."

Leliana shook her head, somewhat fondly. "Oh, you idiot."

Ignoring Elissa's hurt expression, Leliana strode towards her. Then she grabbed Elissa's face and crushed their mouths together. 

Leliana smiled a bit when Elissa almost immediately melted into the kiss. 

Elissa's arms came around Leliana's torso as her tongue hesitantly ran across Leliana's bottom lip. 

Leliana could feel the sheet between them as their mouths and tongues explored. 

"Maybe," Elissa said as she pulled away, only to place a kiss on Leliana's jaw. "We should do this." Another kiss, this time on Leliana's cheek. "When I'm not naked."

Leliana chuckled a little breathlessly. "You know that's the way I prefer it."

Elissa pulled back, a big grin on her face. "I do, indeed."

Leliana traced Elissa's jaw, a finger sliding down her neck. "I missed you so much."

"Did you miss me, or did you miss my mouth?" Elissa asked, her head tilting to the side slightly. 

Leliana lightly smacked her shoulder. "I missed  _you_. Your mouth is just a bonus."

Elissa placed their foreheads together, an affectionate smile on her face. "I'll be sure to use that bonus, then."

Elissa kissed her forehead before her arms grew slightly tighter. 

They stood there embracing each other, neither caring that the sheet around Elissa was starting to slip.

"For what it's worth, I missed you, too," Elissa said softly. "And I love you. So much."

Leliana hummed. "I love you, too."

"So..." Elissa pressed her cheek against Leliana's head. "Does this mean we sleep in the same bed again?"

"Whatever you want," Leliana murmured. "But you're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?"

Elissa nodded. "Yeah, and I want to spend as much time as I can with you before I leave." She pulled back, nothing but seriousness on her face. "We don't have to if you don't want to. I'm not going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"Only sleeping?"

Elissa smiled slightly and nodded again. "Only sleeping. I promise. On a Warden's honor."

Leliana placed another kiss to Elissa's lips. "Then let's sleep."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Elissa woke the next morning and felt something heavy on her chest, she almost panicked. 

And then the memories from the night before had started to creep in. 

Elissa smiled fondly and placed a quick kiss to Leliana's head before she began to slip out from beneath the blanket. 

Leliana groaned softly and reached across to Elissa's side of the bed. She quickly sat up on her elbows when she realized no one was there.

"I'm right here," Elissa whispered. "I'm not leaving yet."

Leliana leaned into her touch when Elissa placed her hand on Leliana's cheek. "A part of me thought last night was just a dream."

"I wish it was," Elissa said. "Then I wouldn't have to leave you yet."

Leliana frowned, turning her ocean eyes on Elissa. "How long will you be gone?"

Elissa shrugged and slowly retracted her hand. "I don't know. A month, at most. I promise I'll be back before you know it."

"You'll keep in touch?" Leliana asked, her eyes starting to droop a little. 

"Of course," Elissa said. "I'll send letters whenever I can. I swear it."

That seemed to satisfy Leliana some. She settled back into the bed. 

"Do you have to go so early?" she asked. Her accent seemed a little thicker. 

"Well..." Elissa put her elbows on the bed that didn't have a part of Leliana's body on it. "I suppose I don't  _have_ to, if there was a certain Orlesian in my bed that asked me to stay..."

Leliana smiled sleepily. "Will you stay for just a little while longer?"

"I don't know. You drive a hard bargain, Leli."

"Please?"

Elissa smirked. "All right, all right. You win. I'll stay for just a few moments."

Leliana beamed. She moved so that Elissa could get back in the bed. 

"Go back to sleep," Elissa murmured. "I'll be here when you wake up."

And she was, when Leliana woke just a few hours later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that line where Elissa says, "No, I gave you your chance" was actually from a conversation I had with someone. The actual conversation didn't end up happy like this one did, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately.)
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this sappy chapter!
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	17. Leaving Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, fluff! With maybe just a dash of angst!
> 
> I have no self-control.
> 
> Enjoy!

For now, both Elissa and Leliana had agreed to keep their newfound relationship a secret.

At least until they were both comfortable enough to show affection around other people.

Elissa had more enemies now than she had had during the Blight. So did Leliana. It wouldn't be good for one of their numerous enemies to see them together.

While Elissa had been about to leave for the Western Approach, they had embraced but had kept it friendly. Even so, both Hawke and Solona had raised their brows at them.

Elissa had pulled away with a blush and a mumble of, "I should probably get going."

After Elissa and Hawke had left Skyhold, and after Elissa had quickly kissed Leliana's cheek (feigning that she had tripped), Leliana had made her way back to the rookery.

Only to be ambushed by Josephine.

"Tell me what happened," Josephine said before Leliana was even halfway through the door. 

Leliana frowned, closing the door softly behind her. "What are you talking about?"

Josephine gave her a flat look. "Don't play dumb. I saw you and the Hero of Ferelden in the courtyard."

Leliana couldn't help the small smile that escaped. "What can I say?" she asked. "I suppose we're together again."

"I haven't seen you smile like that in such a long time!" Josephine beamed. She gasped. "You two are actually together again?"

Leliana nodded and crossed her arms as she leaned against the door. 

"Tell me what happened!" Josephine exclaimed. 

"Well..." Leliana smiled fondly and shook her head. "I had wanted to speak with her. She had been avoiding me for two weeks - two! - after her confession of love. I was... well, I was scared. And confused. Scared because she had already hurt me once before and I didn't know what would happen if I let her in again. Confused because it's been ten years."

Josephine nodded along, her eyes filled with curiosity. "What did you do?"

Leliana shrugged. "I went to her room. I knocked first, but she hadn't answered. I was about to leave when I heard her groan. I was curious, so I opened the door. She had been laying on her stomach, naked, might I add, with the sheets of her bed tangled around her body."

Josephine gasped slightly. "Then what?"

"Then Elissa had whimpered," Leliana said. "She sounded so scared. I went to wake her up, only to realize how badly she was shaking. She was having a nightmare, most likely one caused by the fake Calling she hears in her head.

"I shook her awake after I panicked a little. She wasn't waking up, after all. But... she rolled onto her back, and I expected her to be awake. Her eyes had been open, but they were pure white."

"Is that what happens to Wardens when they have nightmares?" Josephine asked, her head tilted to the side slightly. 

Leliana shook her head. "No, not for every nightmare. Only ones having to do with their Warden-ness. During the Blight, I had to wake Elissa several times from nightmares. After Fort Drakon, they had only gotten worse."

Josephine looked confused. "What happened in Fort Drakon?"

Leliana took in a sharp breath. Her memories of that time were far from pleasant. 

"Elissa... she had been tortured in Fort Drakon. For a week. She was barely alive when we found her." Leliana closed her eyes when she felt tears beginning to form. "Maker, if she had died... Who knows where any of us would be."

Josephine nodded in understanding. "I imagine she had nightmares from this place?"

"She did. For a very long time. She feared the dark for weeks after that, and she was always afraid I was going to leave her when she saw how damaged she was. They did things to her, Josie. Things she still won't talk about to this day.

"Anyway, when I finally woke her up, her eyes were back to normal. It took her a minute, but she was finally able to focus on me. And when she did, she flung herself from the bed, entangling herself even more."

Leliana chuckled a little. "We talked. She asked what I was doing in her room, I told her. She asked if I still loved her because Cole told her I did. I... I shook my head, but I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean for it to come out like I didn't."

"So what did she do?"

"She wouldn't let me explain that I was just trying to clear my thoughts for something to say. Elissa snapped at me, told me I'd hurt her too many times already and that she wouldn't let me hurt her again.

"I then called her an idiot, but it was said fondly. She looked hurt, but I only had one goal in mind - to let her know just how I felt. So I kissed her, and she immediately kissed back. It just... it felt so nice to be in her arms again."

Josephine was grinning. "I would imagine so. She looks very strong."

Leliana hummed. "She is. I adored her muscles during the Blight."

"Smiling is a good look for you," Josephine said. "I'm glad you two are together again."

Leliana nodded. "Me too."

"Just know that if she hurts you again," Josephine warned, "I will send the Couslands down into poverty for you." 

Leliana didn't think Elissa would intentionally hurt her again, but she couldn't help but laugh.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"So..." Hawke started when they were a little ways away from Skyhold. "You and Leliana?"

Elissa blinked. "What about us? We're friends."

"Uh huh. And I suppose that little kiss on the cheek was just a friendly gesture?"

Elissa fought the blush that threatened her cheeks. "Was it that obvious?"

Hawke shook her head. "No, not really. I just know Leliana, and I know that she would have had a knife between your ribs if you two weren't together and you had done that."

"Yeah, she probably would have." Elissa hummed. "I'm happy to be with her again, but I didn't want to leave her."

"I know that feeling," Hawke murmured. "Don't worry, we shouldn't be gone long. You'll be back before you know it."

Elissa nodded. "I hope so."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_Leliana,_

_We made it! To the Western Approach, I mean. We arrived before the Inquisitor did, but it's late. Hawke and I will try to get some rest before we investigate further._

_We should only stay here about a day or two more before we head back to Skyhold. I already miss you so much._

_Actually, you know, by the time I eventually get this written and send it to Skyhold for you, I may already be on my way back. Doubtful, though. It depends when the Inquisitor arrives. We can't do this without her._

_I suppose we'll wait and see how long this damned bird takes to get to Skyhold, eh?_

_I wish you were here. ~~I want to fight by your side again.~~_

_On a more serious note, I wouldn't bother writing back to me. I'll probably be gone by the time a letter from you arrives._

_Unless it's a sexy letter. Then I will wait._

_Anyway. Hawke is now looking at me like I'm insane, so I'll have to cut this short._

_I hope to see you soon,_

_Elissa Cousland_

_Warden-Commander of Ferelden_

_Love of Leliana's Life_

_(P.S. The "Calling" is much worse here. I have a very bad feeling about this.)_

_(P.P.S. I love you.)_

Leliana chuckled and shook her head at the letter. The Inquisitor's advisors had already received a letter from Evelyn telling them that she and her party were delayed and would take a few more days to get to where they needed to be.

So Elissa would be stuck in the Western Approach for a few days longer than she wished. 

Which was... It was fine, really. Elissa had a duty. Leliana couldn't afford to be selfish. 

But that didn't mean she couldn't miss her Warden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elissa is literally the gayest dork. But Leliana loves her anyway.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	18. Traitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this took forever I'm sorry.
> 
> Enjoy!

The Inquisitor had been three days late. 

She had arrived at the tower just a few minutes after Elissa and Hawke had decided to try this on their own and report back at a later date. 

Elissa hadn't been in a good mood. She was supposed to be leaving the Western Approach by now.

Although she couldn't really blame the Inquisitor. She knew all about being the hero.

"Good, you're here," Hawke said, dragging Elissa's gaze away from the tower and to the Inquisitor. "Took you long enough."

"Apologies," Evelyn said. "You know how it goes. I have to go halfway across the country just to retrieve something. This time it was the Grand Dildo of Ferelden. It's said that it's bigger than Orlais's."

Elissa snorted. "At least one of us is in a good mood."

Evelyn turned her gaze to Elissa. "What's got you in a bad mood?"

Elissa shook her head and looked back to the tower. "I recognize some of those Wardens. They're mages. They've been killing warriors and rogues, but... I can't see why." She took a deep breath. "I recognize some of the bodies, as well. Some Warden-Commander I've been."

"Were they your charges?" one of Evelyn's companions asked. It was the Tevinter mage.

"Some of them were, yes," Elissa answered. She shook her head again. "It doesn't matter. We need to interrupt before they kill more Wardens."

Hawke nodded. "I agree. Let's go."

Evelyn took the lead, as usual, Elissa and Hawke taking the back.

"What's this?" the man at the top of the stairs asked. "The Inquisitor, the Champion of Kirkwall, and the Hero of Ferelden?" He grinned. "What did I do to deserve this treat?"

"It's over, Erimond," Evelyn said. "Whatever you're doing to these Wardens needs to stop."

Erimond tilted his head to the side. "And, let me guess, you're going to try to stop me?"

"We aren't going to  _try_ ," Hawke spat. "We are stopping this."

"Not for long, you aren't." He turned his attention to Elissa. "Tell me, Warden-Commander: how easy would it be for me to get into your head, too?"

Pain shot through the back of Elissa's skull. Elissa frowned, squeezing her eyes shut and bowing her head. 

She was stronger than this. The archdemon had tried, and it had...

Maker, no.

Elissa collapsed to her knees, her hands gripping the sides of her head. Hawke crouched next to her, a hand on her back.

"Whatever you're doing, you prick, you'd best stop if you value your life!" Hawke shouted. 

Erimond laughed. "She was too easy. Bring me a challenge next time, Inquisitor."

When Elissa reopened her eyes, everything was blurry. 

She shoved Hawke off of her, standing on shaking legs. 

Erimond was still laughing. "You know what to do, Warden-Commander."

_No._

Elissa didn't want to repeat what happened in the Deep Roads. She didn't want to relive it. 

But she wasn't strong enough to resist what lies Erimond was spilling into her head. 

Why did she ever think this was a good idea? Why did she think she would be strong enough for this?

"N... No." 

Elissa's voice was strangled. It didn't sound like her. 

Her back hit a wall, her hands covering her face. 

Erimond made a noise of curiosity. "Stronger than she looks. No matter. Continue with the ritual."

"Wait!" cried a familiar voice. "Please, you know this isn't right."

Elissa's head snapped up. She looked to the Wardens. 

"Kallian?" 

The elf in question glanced at Elissa before she turned back to the Warden advancing on her. She ducked under his dagger. 

Elissa pushed herself off the wall. She unsheathed a dagger of her own, advancing on the rogue Warden. 

She grabbed Kallian around the waist, pulling her back before she jabbed her dagger into the rogue Warden mage's throat. 

He made a gurgling sound before he collapsed. 

Elissa stared at the body. 

_I just killed a Warden._

"You're here," Kallian said, wrapping her arms around Elissa in a tight hug. "What... What are you even doing here?"

"Oh, Warden-Commander," Erimond said. "You've now become the traitor."

"What are you doing to them?" Evelyn asked, standing beside Elissa and Kallian. 

Erimond chuckled darkly. "The Wardens are under my control." Elissa looked up at him before he spoke again. "Watch. Hands, up." The Warden mages raised their right hands. "Hands, down." The hands lowered. 

"Let them go," Elissa said. 

Erimond let out a tsk. "Soon, you'll be under my control too, Cousland." He turned to Evelyn. "Do you know the nature of your mark? The Anchor?"

The Inquisitor shook her head. 

Erimond looked delighted. "It was meant to be used to cross the Veil safely. It was not meant for  _you_."

Evelyn shrugged. "If you want it so much, take it." She held out her left hand invitingly.

Erimond raised his staff. It wasn't much longer before the Anchor was glowing bright green. 

Evelyn let out a grunt of pain, but other than that, she was silent. 

"My master, Corypheus... He'll be pleased to learn that I have successfully-"

Evelyn had a grin plastered on her face. Her Anchor hand was outstretched, but it was clenched. 

She was doing something to Erimond. 

The Inquisitor ripped her hand away a second later, sending Erimond flying back with a cry.

He groaned as he stood, an arm over his stomach. 

"Kill them!" he shouted before limping away.

The Warden mages turned to them. 

Elissa didn't want to kill more Wardens, but it seemed she didn't have a choice in the matter. 

The Warden mages and their demons were dead a few moments later. There were more of the Inquisitor's allies than there were demons.

When Elissa had sheathed her swords, she felt a strong hand on her shoulder. 

"I'm glad you came when you did," Kallian said. "Otherwise, I'd probably be dead, and my son would no longer have a mother."

Elissa shook her head and smiled. "What are you doing here? I thought you were looking for a cure?"

Kallian nodded. "I was - am. I am looking for one. But I heard something calling to me, and before I knew it, I was here. And then I was in this haze. I didn't know what was really happening until Erimond focused on you."

"What of Zevran?" Elissa asked. "I was sure he was traveling with you."

"He is. He's probably scouring the Approach as we speak looking for me." She wrapped an arm around Elissa's shoulders. "Thank you for saving me. Again."

Elissa gave her a mock bow. "The pleasure was all mine, Warden Tabris."

"Why would they do this?" Evelyn asked, coming to stand beside them. Hawke followed suit. "Do either of you know?"

"I do," Kallian said quietly. "They wanted to travel into the Deep Roads and kill the Old Gods while they slept, thus preventing any other Blights in the future."

"So they used blood magic?" Hawke asked angrily. 

Elissa sighed. "They didn't know what they were doing. They were confused."

"I'll say," Hawke spat. "Blood magic is a coward's way out."

Elissa's lip curled. "This isn't their fault. Their minds are corrupted."

"This is why we shouldn't even have Wardens. Your purpose is done. You're too easily corruptible."

"Disband the Wardens?" Elissa asked, disbelief in her voice. "And then what will you do when there's another Blight?"

Hawke scoffed. "We certainly won't need your help."

Elissa shook her head. "Yes, you will, you idiot. Wardens are the only ones who can truly stop a Blight."

"You say that, and yet you survived, unfortunately."

"I saved your sister, mind you," Elissa snapped. "If not for me, she would likely be dead by now."

"I didn't want her to even be a Warden!" Hawke crossed her arms. 

"That's enough!" Evelyn shouted. "Neither of you are children, so stop acting like you are."

Both Elissa and Hawke backed down, but they refused to look at each other. 

"I believe Erimond went to Adamant Fortress," Elissa said quietly. "I can scout ahead-"

"Let me," Kallian said. "I'm already out here. I can send word to... well, wherever your base of operations is, Inquisitor. Do let me know before you leave." She winked at Elissa. "I'm sure you all have more important business to attend to."

As everyone else turned away, Elissa grabbed Kallian's forearm and leaned down to whisper, "Who else knew you would be in the west?"

Kallian shrugged. "Zevran is the only one I told. He then insisted he come with me and leave our son with my family in the Alienage. But he's the only person who knew I would be going out west."

Elissa's most trusted Wardens knew that Kallian would be doing something for Elissa, but they didn't know what she would be doing or where she would be going. 

Elissa had only told Leliana. 

"Zevran would never put me in danger like this," Kallian said. "I don't know how they knew I would be here."

Elissa shook her head. "I know who it was." She cleared her throat and gave her friend a smile. "Be sure to write me. And tell Zev I said hi."

Kallian nodded. "I will.  _Dareth shiral,_ my friend." 

Elissa said her farewells, but she was distracted. 

She and Leliana had some things to talk about when she arrived back at Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh.
> 
> I feel like the "talk" is going to have a lot of angst, and knowing me, it probably will. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	19. Guess Who's Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, there's no angst! (I think? There's definitely more fluff than there is angst.)
> 
> Enjoy!

It took another two weeks for Elissa to arrive back in Skyhold. 

Elissa had prepared what to say to Leliana when she arrived, but as soon as she saw Leliana waiting for her at the gates...

Every thought of speaking with her about what happened in the Western Approach fled Elissa's mind. She had immediately hopped off her horse and ran to Leliana. 

They had embraced, burying their heads in each other's shoulders. 

Neither of them cared who saw them. 

Hawke cleared her throat behind them. "All right, lovebirds," she said. "Break it up. We have some things to discuss."

Elissa and Leliana reluctantly broke apart, but Elissa still had an arm wrapped around her waist. 

"You look troubled," Leliana murmured as they made their way to the War Room. "What happened?"

Elissa sighed. "I'm sure Inquisitor Trevelyan will tell you all what happened in the Western Approach."

Leliana leaned her head on Elissa's shoulder. "You know I can always tell when you're not telling me something."

"That's not entirely true," Elissa said. "To this day, you still don't know that I have a kink for-"

Leliana smacked her shoulder. "I'm serious!" she hissed. 

"Leli, I joke about everything. I promise I'm not hiding anything." 

Leliana nodded. "All right." She stopped them just outside of the War Room. "How are you? Everyone looked so glum when they came back."

"Troubled," Elissa answered, looking to the stone floor beneath them. "Everything that could have gone wrong did. We learned valuable information, but..." 

"At a cost," Leliana finished. "I understand. Let's... Let's join the others."

They entwined their fingers as they entered the room. Everyone was chatting quietly. 

"There you two are," Evelyn said. "Now we can begin."

"We were just discussing our next move," Lady Josephine said. 

"What  _is_ our next move?" Elissa asked. 

Evelyn leaned her hands on the wooden table. "We have two options. We can either head to Halamshiral and save the empress first, or we can send our army to Adamant Fortress." She turned her attention to her advisors. "What do you all think?"

Leliana had stiffened at the mention of Halamshiral.

Elissa couldn't blame her. That hadn't been a good time for either of them.

"Halamshiral sounds like our best bet," Josephine said. 

"And just let the Wardens bring through a demon army?" Commander Cullen asked. "No. It's out of the question until we stop the Wardens." He looked panicked as he realized what he had said. "Warden-Commander, I apologize-"

"No need," Elissa interrupted. "The Wardens don't know what they're doing. Corypheus has corrupted their minds."

Evelyn tilted her head to the side a little. "Are you still fit for duty, Warden-Commander?"

Elissa nodded. "Yes. Or at least I should be. Erimond tried getting into my head, but corrupt beings have tried it before. I know what to expect now." She sighed. "The Calling is getting worse. I fear that the Wardens who have been corrupted will become more desperate."

Leliana's hand tightened. "What is this about the Wardens trying to bring a demon army into the world?"

"The Wardens have been manipulated," Elissa answered. "The fake Calling each of us is hearing is manipulating us in some way. They're scared."

"That doesn't excuse their actions," Hawke mumbled. 

Elissa shook her head. "I didn't say it did. What they're doing is wrong, and we need to stop them before it's too late."

Evelyn took a deep breath. "So you think we should go to Adamant Fortress first?"

"No," Elissa said. "If the empress is killed, it will only make things worse for us. Thedas will erupt into chaos, allowing Corypheus and the corrupted Wardens an even better chance at succeeding with the demon army."

"Halamshiral it is, then," Evelyn announced. "You're all dismissed. Before we leave, we'll need to figure out who's coming, what we need to do-"

"We'll figure it out," Cullen said. "For now, I think we could all use some rest."

Everyone murmured their agreement. 

"I'd like to sleep in an actual bed for once," Elissa mumbled to Leliana as they made their way out of the War Room.

"Mine is always an option," Leliana said. "Or yours. I should be free for the rest of the afternoon if you want to... well..."

Elissa raised a questioning brow. 

Leliana rolled her eyes. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Elissa."

Elissa raised her free hand defensively. "My mind is pure and innocent, thank you very much."

She received an unamused look. "If you keep telling yourself that, maybe one day you'll start to believe it."

Elissa gasped in mock offense, putting a hand to her chest. "Why, you wound me, madame."

"Sure," Leliana said with an unconvinced look. "Anyway... I was going to say that we could always stay in bed together this afternoon."

They were still holding hands as they made their way to the rookery. 

"So, did you mean like cuddling and snuggling in bed or did you mean-"

"Is that all that's on your mind these days?" Leliana asked, irritation clear in her voice.

Elissa tilted her head to the side, hoping to give Leliana her best curious puppy look. "What? Sex?" At Leliana's nod, Elissa laughed. "No, not all the time. I'm mostly just thinking of ways that I can tease you and make you blush."

Leliana shook her head. She opened the door to the rookery, leading Elissa through before closing it behind them. 

Leliana was pouting. 

"Aw, don't have a sour face," Elissa said, reaching out to pull Leliana into an embrace. "This is just payback for what you did ten years ago."

Leliana pulled back to look Elissa in the eye. Her brows were furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Do you remember when you teased me in front of Arl Eamon and our companions?"

Realization flooded Leliana's features before she grinned. "I forgot about that."

"Leli, I know you like I know the back of my hand. I know what to tease you about and I know how to make you blush."

Leliana shrugged. "But it's been ten years. How can you be sure that any of your antics will work?"

Elissa smiled. "Watch." She leaned in close to Leliana's ear to whisper, "You look amazing in those clothes, but they would look even better on my floor."

Leliana made a choking sound before she buried her face in Elissa's neck. 

Elissa could feel the heat radiating from Leliana's face. 

"Now, I don't want to say it, but I told you so," Elissa said, smugness in her voice. 

"So cocky," Leliana murmured. 

Elissa hummed. "You love it."

Leliana quietly laughed. "I'm serious about cuddling in a bed. I missed you."

Elissa felt herself blush a little. "I missed you, too."

"I'll meet you in your room?" Leliana asked. "I need to tell some of my agents that I won't be available for the rest of the night."

Elissa nodded. "Of course. I'll be waiting."

Elissa kissed Leliana's cheek before she left the rookery and made her way to her room.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

"You're still troubled about something," Leliana murmured, almost too quiet for Elissa to hear. 

Elissa felt her brows furrow. "I don't think I am."

They had been lying in Elissa's bed for hours. They had talked and sometimes would drift off to sleep. 

Leliana softly kissed the spot between Elissa's brows. "You are. You always get this adorable little crinkle between your brows when you're overthinking." She tilted her head to the side. "What are you thinking?"

Elissa smiled. "I'm thinking a lot of things. Some of them are dirty, some of them are sweet."

"Tell me the sweet ones."

"All right." Elissa began running one of her hands under Leliana's nightshirt. "I'm thinking about how much I wanted you to be by my side again while I was in the Western Approach. I'm thinking about how beautiful you are when you think no one is watching."

"Such a flatterer," Leliana said, tucking her head under Elissa's chin. 

"I'm also thinking about how wanted you make me feel. About how safe I feel when you're around."

"You feel safe around me?" Leliana asked. She reached a hand up to begin tracing the werewolf scar along her jaw. 

The gesture seemed older than time itself. But in reality, Leliana was likely only doing it because she was beginning to fall asleep.

"You go from 'here have a flower' to 'stabby stabby' in a matter of seconds, my love. I think I'm safe around you."

Leliana smiled. "I feel safe around you as well,  _mon coeur._ You, a big bad Grey Warden, can scare away just about anyone."

"Big bad Grey Warden, eh?" Elissa asked. "You know, that sounds like a turn-"

"Romantic moment ruined," Leliana interrupted. She rolled off of Elissa. "Thanks."

Elissa laughed and moved to sit up on her elbow. "Don't be like that. I'm kidding."

"We were having a nice bonding moment," Leliana sighed, "and now it's ruined."

The smile she was still wearing told Elissa that she was just teasing her.

"Oh, is it?" Elissa moved to lean over Leliana, kissing her softly on the mouth. "How's that for romantic?"

Leliana sighed in content. "I'm not sure. I think you'll have to do it again for me to be sure."

Elissa broke out into a goofy grin before she kissed Leliana again, a hand traveling down her side. 

Whatever Elissa needed to tell her could wait. 

Right now, she just wanted to make Leliana happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff so cute it'll make your teeth hurt.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	20. What Happens Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't abandoned I'm just a lazy bitch.
> 
> Enjoy!

"All I'm saying is that it's weird," Elissa told Leliana as they walked hand-in-hand down the ramparts. "What does he want with us anyway?"

Leliana hummed but said nothing. She squeezed Elissa's hand a little in encouragement. 

They'd recently made their relationship "public." It's not like they'd stood at the top of the courtyard and shouted, "Hey! We're together again!" But they weren't exactly hiding the fact that they were in a relationship again. 

They would hold hands in front of various people, or they would wrap their arms around each other. Elissa would sometimes kiss either her cheek or the top of her head. 

The only time Elissa had kissed her on the mouth in front of others was when she caught someone new looking Leliana up and down. 

She wasn't normally the jealous type, no... but Leliana knew that with their relationship still new and fragile, she didn't want to lose Leliana. 

Even though Elissa also knew that Leliana would never leave her for someone she barely knew.

It was still a little sweet watching Elissa get jealous over a  _recruit._  

Elissa wasn't the controlling type, either. Leliana couldn't recall a time when Elissa had controlled her or something she wanted to do.

She was broken, sure. They both were. But they both had respect for each other, and that was just one of the many things Leliana loved about Elissa. 

"Hey," Elissa said softly, bringing Leliana from her thoughts. "Can I ask you something?"

Leliana nodded. "Of course. What is it?"

"What do you plan on doing?" Elissa asked. "After all of this is done, I mean. After we take down Corypheus and save the world. Again."

"Well, hopefully, you'll still be involved in my life." She glanced up at Elissa before quickly looking down again. "I have a few options. There have been...  _rumors_ that either I or Cassandra will be named the next Divine."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elissa's face crumble. "Divine," she repeated.

"I know it sounds awful," Leliana said, "but think of all the good I could do as Divine. Think of the possibilities!"

Elissa shook her head. "No, don't get me wrong, Leli, I completely understand. You'd do great things. You'd make an amazing Divine."

Leliana frowned. "I sense a 'but' coming on."

Elissa sighed. "You know I love you, and I would support you if this was something you wanted to do and if it was something you were chosen to do." She cleared her throat and rubbed at her eyes with her free hand. "I just don't understand how you expect us to be together if you're Divine."

"We'll figure it out," Leliana murmured. "Just like we always have before."

Elissa nodded. "You're right, I'm sorry. I'm sure it's still a long way away before they decide."

"Whatever happens, I'm not letting anything separate us again."

"I know," Elissa whispered. 

"What about you?" Leliana asked. "What are you planning on doing when all of this is over?"

Elissa smiled. "I have some things in mind. Most of them involve you, if you still want me after all of this is over."

"I figured as much," Leliana said. "What of your family? I'm assuming they will still be a part of your life."

Elissa shrugged. "Fergus, his wife, and my nieces are still in Highever last I heard. Amethyne is somewhere in Kirkwall, I think."

"Wait." Leliana blinked and shook her head. "You have nieces?"

Elissa turned to her. "Did I not tell you?" She frowned a little at Leliana's head shake. "Huh. Yeah, I do. Mattie and Carolyn. Demons in disguise, I swear. They like to attack me any time I see them."

Leliana chuckled. "Sounds like they could wear you out."

"With my endurance?" Elissa laughed. "No, I usually wear them out. Although, I usually have a lot of bruises by the time they're done with me. I practice fighting with them sometimes, and they team up on me to hit me with their practice swords."

"It sounds like they don't see you very often."

Elissa shook her head. "No, they don't. Warden duties, and all that. Speaking of..."

Elissa stopped, looking out to the setting sun. Leliana stopped walking as well, moving to lean into Elissa's side.

"You know I'm a traitor now, right?" Elissa asked quietly. "If the First Warden finds out what I did-"

"Elissa, you  _had_ to kill those Wardens. They were corrupted."

"Maybe," Elissa said. "But that doesn't excuse it. Wardens are bound, Leliana. Under no circumstances are we supposed to kill other Wardens."

Leliana unentwined their fingers so that she could wrap an arm around Elissa's waist. "What will the First Warden do if he finds out about this?"

"There are a few things he could do." Leliana could have sworn she felt Elissa shudder. "He could execute me. That's the only way a Warden can be killed by another Warden. If a Grey Warden, no matter their position, is found of treason, the First Warden can execute them.

"Or he could strip me of my title as Warden-Commander and send me on my way to make up for my treason. He could strip me of my Grey Warden status entirely." Elissa sighed. "It's more likely he'll execute me."

"Elissa, I'm so sorry."

Elissa shrugged. "If I do die because of my actions in the Western Approach, can you promise me something?"

Leliana nodded. "Anything."

"Can you take care of Amethyne? She's a grown woman, she doesn't really need help anymore, but... In case she does, can you be there for her?" Elissa turned to Leliana and pulled her into an embrace. "Also Reaper? He loves you, and if he lost me..."

"Yes," Leliana breathed, "of course. You don't even have to ask."

"Thank you." Elissa kissed the top of her head. "I love you so much."

Leliana hummed, smiling against Elissa's shoulder. "I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing that."

Elissa moved back a little to grin at Leliana. "Good, because I'm planning on saying it a lot more." She bent down to press a kiss to Leliana's nose. "I fear I've kept you too long. You still have your spymaster duties to attend to."

"I do, but I can do it tomorrow."

Elissa laughed and shook her head. "No, I can't do that to you. My room after you're done with everything?" 

Leliana nodded. "I'll see you there."

Elissa gave her one last kiss before she set off toward her room.

Leliana couldn't help but stare after her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana had gotten everything done far later than she wished. 

Elissa was sleeping when Leliana entered her room. There was a book on her chest, her back and head against the headboard of the bed. 

Shaking her head fondly, Leliana quickly changed before making her way to Elissa's sleeping form.

She smiled before gently grabbing the book and setting it on the table beside the bed. She set a hand on Elissa's cheek. 

"Elissa," she said quietly. "Wake up."

It took a slight shake on her shoulder to wake her up. Elissa groaned softly before blinking herself awake. 

"Leli?" she asked. "Was I asleep?"

Leliana smiled and kissed Elissa's cheek. "Yes. I wouldn't have woken you, but I imagine sleeping against the headboard isn't comfortable."

"Not particularly."

Elissa gently took her hand and pulled her to the bed. They both laid down, wrapped around each other. 

"It would have been more comfortable with you here."

Leliana frowned. "I'm sorry. I was caught up."

But Elissa just smiled and shook her head. "Don't be sorry. I know you have a job to do."

Leliana sighed and tucked her head under Elissa's chin. "I was thinking about something while I was working."

"Oh?" Elissa asked. "Do tell."

"I know the outfits Josephine is choosing for Halamshiral," Leliana murmured against Elissa's skin, "and I'm assuming you're wearing your Grey Warden robes. I'm planning on stripping you out of them."

Elissa made a sound that was similar to a choking noise. Leliana fell asleep with a smug grin.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When Leliana woke the first time, it was to Elissa trying to sneak out of bed.

Leliana wrapped her hand around Elissa's wrist with a murmured, "Where are you going?"

Elissa moved her hand to entwine their fingers. She then brought Leliana's knuckles to her lips. "I just need to get some air."

Leliana frowned, one eye opening slowly. "Don't take too long."

Elissa smiled. "I won't. I'll be back before you know it."

With that, Elissa kissed her forehead before turning away and quietly leaving the room.

When Leliana woke the second time, it was to someone urgently knocking on the door to her room.

Elissa's spot on the bed was cold. 

"Leliana?" asked a familiar voice. "Are you decent?"

Groaning, Leliana sat up and rubbed her eyes. "Yes, Josie. You may come in."

Josephine entered the room not a second later, her eyes panicked. "Thank the Maker. We have a problem."

"Can I assume it involves Elissa?"

Josephine grimaced. "The Warden-Commander is missing."

Leliana blinked. " _Missing_?"

"The Iron Bull said he saw her at the tavern. She was there for quite some time drinking. He went upstairs for just a few minutes, and when he went back down, she was gone."

"Has nobody seen her?" Leliana asked, quickly getting out of the bed. 

Josephine shook her head. "We've searched all of Skyhold before I came here. She's nowhere to be seen."

"She has to be here somewhere," Leliana snapped. "Elissa doesn't run from her problems anymore."

Josephine looked like she was about to say something, but at Leliana's glare, she closed her mouth.

"I'll find her," Leliana said. "Tell my agents I won't be available today."

Leliana shooed Josephine out of her room to change into her spymaster armor. When that was done, she set out to find Elissa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not sure if any of that Warden stuff I said is actually true, but it would kinda make sense. I can't remember if they actually mention what happens to Wardens who kill other Wardens, if anything happens at all.
> 
> On a more angsty note, what happened to Elissa? She has to be somewhere in Skyhold... right?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	21. Why Did You Leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overuse of italics? In MY story? It's more likely than you think.
> 
> This chapter is a real heart-wrencher. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It had been hours since Leliana had started searching for Elissa, and still, she found no sign of her Warden ever being in Skyhold.

Well, aside from some of her belongings still in her room. 

Elissa's pack was still in her room as well, so she couldn't have gone too far. 

Reaper was nowhere to be found either. That was what worried Leliana the most. If Reaper was gone, that could very well mean Elissa was no longer in Skyhold. 

Nobody could recall seeing Elissa after she left the tavern. It was possible that she had a disguise on when she left, and that was why no one had recognized her. It was also possible that no one paid another drunk soldier much attention. 

Leliana was currently searching through Elissa's room for any clue as to where she could have gone. So far, nothing was out of the ordinary. 

Sighing in frustration, Leliana stood and made her way to Elissa's window. She reached up to grasp the amulet around her neck. 

The door to Elissa's room opened, and Leliana turned, hope blooming in her chest. 

Only to see Scout Harding peeking her head in the room.

Leliana sighed, her shoulders sagging, and turned back to the window. 

"Spymaster?" Harding asked hesitantly. "The Inquisitor thinks she may have found the Warden-Commander."

That got Leliana's attention.

Leliana turned again, her eyes narrowing. "Where is she? Is she all right?"

Harding nodded. "She's fine. Well, she's a little drunk. Follow me."

Leliana followed Harding down the stairs and through hallways that eventually led to the garden.

"Hawke was the one who suggested it," Harding said. "She told the Inquisitor to look in the last place they thought the Warden-Commander would be." Leliana saw the Inquisitor standing outside of a room that Leliana recognized as the chapel.

"Elissa usually hated anything having to do with the Chantry," Leliana murmured. "Why didn't I think of this before?"

Harding gave her a sympathetic smile. "People change over time, Spymaster. Perhaps you thought she still hated the Chantry."

Leliana shook her head. "No. I know she still hates the Chantry."

Their talk of Leliana possibly becoming Divine had reminded her.

"She's inside," Evelyn said softly. "I suggest only you enter, Spymaster."

Nodding, Leliana gently opened the door. Elissa was on the floor, bottle in hand, in front of the statue of Andraste. Reaper was laying beside her, his head on her thighs.

She was facing the door.

"I said I wanted to be alone," Elissa mumbled a little snappishly. "Go away."

Leliana took a deep breath after closing the door behind her. "I've been looking for you for hours."

Elissa's head slowly rose. "Leli?" she breathed. "What're you doing here?"

"I was worried," Leliana answered. She took a step closer. "You told me you wouldn't be gone long."

Elissa bowed her head in shame. "I'm sorry."

Leliana walked until she was standing in front of Elissa. She then crouched, gently taking the bottle from where it was cradled in Elissa's hand. 

Reaper whined softly, pressing his head into Elissa's stomach. 

"I thought you didn't drink," Leliana joked weakly. 

Elissa shrugged, absentmindedly stroking Reaper's head. "I don't. Not normally. But last night, I just..." Elissa shook her head. "I need to tell you something. Or ask you something. I'm not sure yet."

"Is everything okay?" 

Elissa looked at Leliana, confusion and pain clear on her face. "Does... Did you tell anyone about Kallian going to the west?"

Leliana blinked. "What? No, of course not. Why would you ask that?"

"Kallian was in the Western Approach," Elissa replied bitterly. "Nathaniel Howe knew she was searching for a cure to the Calling, but he didn't know where she would be going. And he knows better than to cross a Cousland.

"Zevran knew where she would be going because he would be traveling with her. But you..." Elissa shook her head. "There are so many reasons you could have betrayed us, Leliana."

Leliana threw her hands in the air. "What reason would I have to betray you like this?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're still bitter about me dumping you ten years ago that you thought to get back at me by endangering one of my closest friends?"

"You are utterly ridiculous," Leliana muttered. "You would believe a  _Howe_ over me?"

Elissa stood, though she swayed a little on her feet. "Nathaniel has proven his loyalty. Nathaniel didn't  _abandon_ me when I needed him the most."

"I was so angry with you," Leliana spat. "After you ended things between us. I could barely look at you."

"Do you know what that sounds like? That sounds like  _disgust_ , Leliana." Elissa let out a humorless laugh. "Maybe I was right in Halamshiral. Maybe you were just using me, and once you saw how broken I was, you decided that I wasn't worth it."

"What in the Maker's name are you talking about?"

"Now that I'm a Warden-Commander," Elissa said, "I hold so much power. People actually listen to me. Or they did. But it took a lot of pain and suffering to get me this far. I've  _seen_ the way you look at me sometimes, Leliana, and it isn't a look filled with love."

Leliana's hands clenched at her sides. "And you didn't stop to think for one second that those looks are of sadness at what you've had to go through? I went through something similar. I know how awful it was."

Leliana's voice softened the more she spoke. 

It seemed to calm Elissa down a little. 

"Did you ever think that maybe someone working for Corypheus or Erimond or whoever intercepted the letter?" Leliana asked. "I would  _never_ betray you, Elissa."

Leliana could see tears beginning to pool in Elissa's eyes. 

Elissa shrugged again. "How would they know, Leliana?" She sighed. "This isn't even about that. I need to know I can trust you again."

"You can trust me."

"Words coming from you are just that. Words," Elissa said. "You're the spymaster for a large group of people with a large network of spies. You never tell me what goes on during the days we're separated. Sometimes it feels like you don't even trust me."

Leliana nodded. "So you don't trust me because of my position as a spymaster?"

"Yes. I know there are things you can't talk about, and I get that. It's the same with me." Elissa looked down at Reaper, her arms crossed over her chest. "It's just... Leli, if we can't trust each other-"

"Don't," Leliana interrupted softly. "Don't you dare finish that sentence."

Elissa raised her head to look at her. Her eyes held a sorrow that Leliana hadn't seen since the night before the final battle with the archdemon.

Leliana stepped closer. "Elissa, we can make it through this. Just like we always have before."

This definitely sounded familiar. 

"It's been ten years," Elissa whispered. "We're different people, and I'm not sure we're compatible anymore."

Elissa moved to leave the room, but Leliana stepped in front of her, a hand on her cheek.

"Elissa," Leliana murmured, "please. Don't do this. Not again."

Elissa bowed her head until their foreheads rested together. They stood like that for a few moments, Leliana's hand on Elissa's cheek, Elissa's hands fidgeting with Leliana's armor. 

"Just..." Elissa sighed. "Just give me a few days."

"We leave for Halamshiral in two days."

Elissa pulled back to smile sadly at Leliana before stepping away and leaving Leliana alone in the chapel.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sometimes, when Leliana would pass by Elissa's room, she could hear muffled crying. 

Often times, Leliana would stand outside Elissa's door, her hand hovering over the handle. 

She wanted so desperately to go to Elissa. To comfort her. To show her Warden that she could trust Leliana.

_Can I even call her my Warden anymore?_

But... Elissa wanted time. She wanted space to figure things out. And Leliana would give that to her. 

It was the least she could do.

After letting her own heart break at the sound of Elissa's sobs, Leliana would leave and return to the Rookery. She would bury herself in her work until she could no longer keep herself standing. 

Josephine was clearly worried, but she never made a comment in regards to Leliana's sudden need to work until she fell over.

Leliana had waited ten years for this. 

She could wait a few more days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst? In my stories? It's more likely than you think.
> 
> Hoo boy, this chapter made me sad. Don't worry, though! It'll get better! Probably.
> 
> I don't even know if I wrote the tension right. Like, Elissa isn't sure if she can even trust Leliana now that she's a keeper of secrets. She wants to trust Leliana, she really does, but considering what she still thinks happened when Leliana "abandoned" her, she's not too keen on trusting her again.
> 
> My poor gay baby is confused and upset.
> 
> Leliana wants to be together again, but she knows Elissa has trust issues from past experiences and is willing to give her time to figure everything out. She misses her poor baby.
> 
> Still... ten years is a long wait. What's a few more days compared to ten years?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	22. Orlais (Again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally posted some stuff on my tumblr, so now you guys can come yell at me or start a conversation if you want.
> 
> My tumblr is spicy-dinosaur-age.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Leliana wasn't sure what hurt worse; the fact that Elissa was still around her and acting as her friend or the fact that Elissa  _still_ hadn't made a decision regarding their relationship.

While they were traveling to Halamshiral, Elissa rode a horse next to Leliana's. They bickered and bantered back and forth. 

Elissa was even  _flirting_ with her. 

"Did you know beautiful is my favorite color?" Elissa asked once she made sure no one was listening to them. 

Honestly, most of the soldiers had likely tuned their bantering out.

Leliana rolled her eyes with a smile and a head shake. She knew where this was going.

"Beautiful isn't a color, Elissa," Leliana said, looking over at the Warden.

Elissa nodded, looking to her with a smirk. "Sure it is," she said. "It's the color of your eyes." 

She then had the audacity to  _wink_ before turning her head back to the road in front of her. 

Despite herself, a blush rose onto Leliana's cheek. She grumbled an insult in Orlesian as she pulled her hood tighter around her head. 

"You know," Leliana said, "we have the same eye color."

Elissa looked over at her with an offended look, raising a hand to her chest in mock offense. "Excuse me? My eyes are a lighter shade. I'm offended that you don't know that."

Leliana sighed. "Your eyes are barely lighter than mine."

Elissa nodded again. "Your eyes are like the ocean, Leli. Which is very beautiful, by the way."

Groaning, Leliana said, "Are you going to be like this the entire ride over to Halamshiral?"

"Like what?"

"Are you going to keep flirting with me the whole ride over?"

"Oh, I'm not flirting with  _you_." She grinned. "I'm flirting with your eyes."

Leliana smacked her shoulder. 

Elissa laughed, her head tilting back. "Leli. I'm your  _girlfriend_. I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to flirt with you after I somehow got you to be with me."

That made Leliana pause. Her brows furrowed, a frown on her face as she looked down at her hands.

"Leliana?" Elissa asked hesitantly. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I thought..." Leliana looked up at Elissa, who looked so  _adorable_ when she was worried. "I thought we weren't together anymore."

"Because of what I said in the chapel?" At Leliana's nod, Elissa gave her a sad smile. "I was drunk as shit. I said some pretty unkind things, and if I could, I would take it all back."

"But you said you didn't think we were compatible anymore."

Elissa shook her head. "I know. But I don't believe I ever actually broke things off between us, did I?" She rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. "We  _are_ compatible, Leliana. Relationships take work. And in my drunken state, I apparently didn't want to try to make things work.

"I'm an idiot. But I was upset and confused. Then you told me that you didn't tell anyone, and that someone could have intercepted the letter, and I... I hated even thinking that you could have betrayed me. I do trust you, and I trust that you would keep our friends safe."

"We live in a crazy world, Elissa," Leliana said. "Anything could have happened to that letter. Anybody could have intercepted it."

"I know. I realized that sometime later, after I'd become a little soberer."

Leliana moved her horse a little closer to Elissa's. She put a hand on the back of Elissa's shoulder. "I walked by your room a few times when I was running around trying to help get everything ready for Halamshiral. I heard you crying a few times."

"And I suppose you want to know why I was?" 

"Of course I do. I have to know who hurt you so I can hurt them."

Elissa smiled and leaned a little into Leliana's touch. "You'd have to hurt me, then. I was crying because I had realized just what I'd said to you. Maker, I was so awful." She shook her head, her smile fading. "I would understand if you didn't want to be together. I'm an ass and I hurt you again-"

"Elissa."

"-and I'm sure you're getting tired of having an on-again-off-again relationship-"

"Elissa," Leliana said more sternly. "Stop."

Elissa bowed her head, her brows furrowed. "Sorry," she muttered. "Go ahead."

"You have hurt me," Leliana confirmed. "Several times, actually. But as you said, this needs work. We need to set down some rules if we're really going to try this."

Elissa nodded. "Of course. What did you have in mind?"

"We need to talk with each other if something is bothering us," Leliana answered. "No matter how minuscule it is. We talk to each other about our problems,  _especially_ if it involves one of us."

"What about no yelling or shouting during arguments?" Elissa asked. "And no physical activity or threats during arguments. I think we've both been through too much shit to be physical with one another when we're bickering."

"We talk like the adults we are." Leliana nodded and smiled. "I can get on board with that." 

Elissa grinned. "Good." She reached behind her to gently grab Leliana's hand. She brought Leliana's palm to her mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to it before interlacing their fingers. "I love you so much, you know that?" 

Leliana hummed. "I do. But I enjoy you telling me."

Elissa's cheeks took on a slightly pink shade. "I enjoy telling you."

Leliana chuckled. "Pay attention to the road."

Elissa gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa was on guard duty at Halamshiral, apparently. 

Once they had arrived, Evelyn had walked over to them and dragged Elissa away, mouthing  _sorry_ over her shoulder. 

Elissa was standing just a few feet away from Leliana, but it was too far. She was standing straight, one of her hands on the handle of the blade on her hip, the other on the sheath. 

Every now and then, Elissa would glance at Leliana. She would smirk and wink before turning away again. 

Leliana downed some of her wine everytime Elissa did that. 

Unless she was speaking to someone, Leliana was staring after Elissa. She looked handsome in her Grey Warden robes, and the hairstyle she was wearing only added to that. Really, her typical braid was just wrapped around the crown of her head. It wasn't much, but Leliana was still fascinated by it. 

Well, she was also fascinated by Elissa, but that was a given.

Elissa walked until she was in front of Leliana. She stood just barely in front of Leliana and to her left. 

"Scandalous," Elissa murmured as they watched the Inquisitor and Grand Duchess Florianne dance.

"I thought you liked scandal," Leliana said, just as quiet, moving so that she leaned into Elissa's side. 

"Oh, I do." Elissa gently took the glass of wine from Leliana's hand and took a sip before handing it back. "Which is why I'm planning on asking you to dance later."

Leliana wrapped her free arm around Elissa's waist as Elissa wrapped one of hers around Leliana's back. Her hand gently wrapped around Leliana's bicep, squeezing lightly before rubbing her thumb over the fabric covering Leliana's arm.

Elissa snorted. "I realize I just spoiled my own plans."

Leliana laughed quietly and kissed Elissa's cheek. "Shouldn't you be watching the crowd for assassins?"

Elissa shrugged. "I can watch them just fine from here."

"I wouldn't let the Inquisitor catch you away from your post," Leliana teased. 

"I'm a grown woman," Elissa said. "I can take on the Inquisitor's wrath. Maker, I'm already, like, ten years older than she is." 

"How do you know that?"

"I knew her when I was younger."

Leliana's confusion only grew. "What? How?"

Elissa turned her head a little to the side. "Do you see the scar on my brow?" she asked. "Evelyn caught me kissing her sister and told on me. Well, she told her parents that Ellie was kissing a  _girl_ , of all things, and my mother had been standing close enough to overhear it. My mother, uh...  _scolded_ me later."

Leliana grimaced. "I'm sorry."

Elissa shrugged. "It was a long time ago. About twenty years, to be exact." She frowned. "Maker, am I really that old?"

"You're thirty-five. You're not old."

Elissa mumbled something that sounded like, "Sure feels like it."

Leliana huffed. "There is no pleasing you, is there?"

"Nope," Elissa said, popping the  _p_. Elissa stood a little straighter. She pressed a quick kiss to Leliana's forehead before disentangling herself. "Thought I saw something. I'll be back in a few moments."

Elissa gave her a smile before she turned, her hand on her sword. She quickly left through one of the large doors in the ballroom. 

In Leliana's tipsy state, she couldn't be sure where Elissa was headed. 

So, Leliana was left to pout in her dark corner with a glass of nearly-empty wine, waiting for Elissa to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I am That Gay, I had to give them a happy ending. Sort of.
> 
> Hmm... I wonder where Elissa went... or who she saw...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	23. The Events of Halamshiral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally sat down and wrote this thing. 
> 
> Trust me, it's not abandoned. I've been busy with some personal stuff. Hopefully I'll keep on track with this from now on.
> 
> Enjoy!

Elissa, with her hand on her sword, followed the mysterious figure through one of the large ballroom doors.

Part of her was hoping it wasn't really who she thought it was. 

With her sword halfway drawn, Elissa said, "You know, sneaking around can get you killed."

The woman snorted, shaking her head as she turned. "Hello to you too, Warden."

Elissa sighed and sheathed her sword a little too violently. "Morrigan. I was hoping it wasn't really you I saw." 

"Surprise."

"Can I assume you aren't one of the assassins?" Elissa asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Even now, you don't peg me as the 'Killer for Hire' type."

Morrigan shrugged and brought her hands in front of her. "No, the assassin is not me. Though I need to stay close to the empress. I think the assassin is someone close to her."

"Well, there are plenty of people close to her," Elissa said. Her brows furrowed. "What are you even doing here? I thought you disappeared through the eluvian."

"I could ask the same of you," Morrigan answered. "Is it because of a certain redhead that I thought you had broken things off with?"

Elissa blinked. "I'm here because I'm part of the Inquisition. The Inquisitor wanted me here."

Morrigan smirked. "You didn't answer me."

Elissa rolled her eyes. "I... Okay, yeah, she's part of the reason. I can't deny that I still have feelings for her. I was an idiot, and I shouldn't have left her."

"You finally learned." Morrigan shrugged again and looked around. "I was sure it was you I saw standing with her. You aren't hard to catch the attention of." Morrigan took a deep breath. "I needed to speak with you."

"About what?"

"A lot of things. But not here." Morrigan gestured for Elissa to follow her. "Who knows who could be listening. It won't be long."

Though a little hesitant, Elissa nodded, glancing around the room before following Morrigan to wherever they were going.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leliana rolled her eyes as the man in front of her resumed his speaking. She took a sip of her wine and looked around the room.

Elissa had been gone for quite some time. Leliana had been watching the doors and the crowd for any sign of her Warden. 

There had been none. 

Leliana rubbed the bridge of her nose. The man in front of her rambled on about Maker-knew-what. 

"Excuse me, ser." 

The man stopped his rambling to turn and look at the woman standing behind him. 

"And just who do you think you-"

"Warden-Commander Cousland of Ferelden, at your service, ser." Elissa bowed quickly. When she stood straight, she leaned into the man's ear and whispered, "Leave my girlfriend alone. Otherwise, I'll start to think you're stalking her. And believe me, ser, you don't want me to think that."

The man huffed, lifting his chin and walking away. 

Elissa rolled her eyes, smiling at Leliana. "I'm sorry I was away for a while. I, um... I found someone."

Leliana blinked. "Found someone?"

Elissa nodded. She went to stand next to Leliana, crossing her arms over her chest and looking out at the crowd. "I saw Morrigan."

Leliana's eyes widened. 

_I forgot to tell her._

"She said she saw some of your agents here. That you knew she was here." Elissa shook her head, her brows furrowing. "You didn't tell me she was here."

Leliana put a hand between Elissa's shoulder blades. "Elissa, I'm so sorry. I meant to tell you. Everything has just been... Well-"

Elissa turned her head to her, surprise on her face. "Oh, no, I'm not that mad. It really isn't that big of a deal. I mean, the last time we saw each other, we didn't exactly get along."

"You seem to have a reputation for that."

Elissa huffed out a laugh, smiling as she nodded. "Yeah, I deserved that."

"You're better now," Leliana said, moving her hand down to the lower part of Elissa's back. "More mature. And I like that."

"You seem to like a lot of things about me." Elissa turned her body to stand in front of Leliana, her hands cupping Leliana's face. "I don't mind. I like a lot of things about you, too."

"Flatterer."

Elissa shrugged. "I try."

Then, slowly, Elissa leaned forward, pressing their lips together. Leliana smiled into the kiss, one of her hands resting on Elissa's chest as the other dug into the fabric of her Warden's robe. 

Elissa broke away, only to press a kiss to Leliana's cheek, her jaw. A final kiss was placed just underneath her jaw. 

When Elissa pulled away fully, a shy smile on her face, Leliana blinked. "That was quick."

"You're a little tipsy, my love." Elissa tucked a strand of hair behind Leliana's ear. "Going any further would be taking advantage of you, and I can't do that."

Leliana pouted. "What if I wanted you to?" she asked quietly. "You're ever the gentlewoman, Elissa, but what if I were to tell you yes? I'm not as drunk as you think I am."

Elissa hummed. "Sure. You're definitely not getting drunk, and you swaying on your feet has nothing to do with the fact that you've been drinking."

Leliana rolled her eyes, looking down at her feet. 

"Hey," Elissa said softly. Leliana looked up at her through her lashes. "I'm just teasing. I know you haven't been drinking a lot. You'd be a lot more grabby if you had been."

"So... what's your answer then, Warden-Commander?" Leliana asked, smoothing her hands over Elissa's shoulders. "Mine is yes."

"Tempting," Elissa murmured. Elissa took a deep breath before she said, "Dance with me."

Leliana grinned. "What?"

Elissa stepped back, bowing a little and extending her hand. "Dance with me, my love."

Leliana took Elissa's hand without a second of hesitance. She allowed herself to be led to the ballroom dancing floor just as another song began. 

"Are you sure you know the steps?" Leliana asked in a teasing tone.

"I take offense to that," Elissa replied. "I was noble born. I can dance the moves to dances from the last Age."

Leliana patted Elissa's cheek. "Try not to step on my toes."

Elissa, with a mischievous grin and darkened eyes, began moving along with the music, pulling a joyous Leliana along with her.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

When the Inquisitor had arrived at last, she had brought with her grave news. 

Grand Duchess Florianne, cousin to Empress Celene, had been planning to kill the Empress of Orlais all along. 

Of course, each advisor had their bets as to who the actual assassin was. Most thought it would be Gaspard. 

Between Florianne being taken into custody and the empress thanking the Inquisitor for saving her life, Elissa had disappeared. 

She'd wanted to get some air. The whole assassination thing had brought back...  _memories._

She hadn't gone far. Just out to the balcony that had the most privacy. And 'most privacy' meant anyone that had seen the Warden-Commander of Ferelden had left, quite quickly, too. 

She was debating going back in when she heard Leliana say, "So this is where you ran off to."

Elissa sighed, turning to the doorway to the balcony. "Being in there brought too many memories. I'm sorry."

Leliana's features softened. She was leaning against the doorway, her arms crossed. "Of your family?"

Elissa nodded. "It seems like a parallel," Elissa said. "Betrayed and almost killed by people we thought we could trust. Well, my family  _was_ killed. Most of us, anyway."

"Howe got what he deserved. You know this."

Elissa took a deep breath. "How are you? I can't imagine this is easy."

Leliana shrugged and looked into the night sky. "How am I supposed to feel about all of this? If I had put more agents here, if I had... If I had paid more attention to my work, maybe we could have saved the empress before she was on the edge of death."

"This isn't your fault." Elissa walked until she was in front of Leliana. "None of this is your fault. You're human. A person. You're going to make mistakes, just like anyone else."

"I shouldn't be making mistakes!" Leliana yelled. She closed her eyes. "What if next time it's someone I care about?" she asked, her voice quieter. "What if next time it's... it's you that could be assassinated and I couldn't save you?"

Elissa gently put her hands on Leliana's shoulders. "Leli, my darling, the love of my life. If it was someone you cared about on the line instead of someone we barely know, I know for a fact you would do everything in your power to make sure they were safe. You couldn't have known."

"But I  _should have_ known," Leliana whispered. "I don't hold many people close, Elissa. There's you, and Josie. In my line of work, you learn to not get attached. Because anything could happen, and you could lose anyone at any given time."

"I know one thing for certain." Elissa smiled, putting a finger under Leliana's chin to lift her head. "You aren't going to lose me. Not again. And I can bet my entire fortune that Lady Josephine won't, either." That hand drifted up, curling around Leliana's jaw. "We're here for you, Leliana."

Leliana leaned into the touch, still looking into Elissa's eyes. "I know," she mumbled. 

Leliana moved to wrap her arms around Elissa's neck. Elissa, in turn, gently wrapped her arms around Leliana's waist. 

They stood like that for a few moments, breathing each other in. Reminding the other that they were real. 

"How would you feel about... just swaying to the music?" Elissa breathed into Leliana's ear. 

She could faintly hear the music from the ballroom. If they were quiet enough, she could hear it. 

Leliana just nodded, tightening her arms. 

Elissa, with a smile, began swaying them, not even to the beat of the music. 

They swayed together, in the doorway of a balcony in Halamshiral, the moonlight shining over them. 

In the end, with their swaying, they began to forget about the troubles outside of this moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, fluff. 
> 
> Elissa must really love dancing, sheesh. 
> 
> Anyway, I should start uploading more frequently now. No promises, but yeah. I was going through some stuff before I wrote this but I'm a lot better now. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	24. Let's Just Stay Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This still isn't abandoned! I'm just being a lazy bitch again.
> 
> Good news though, I'm done with school until next month so I should be able to upload a lot more often this month. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

"I think you should officially meet my family," Elissa murmured, taking a sip from her glass of wine.

The ball had mostly stopped. There was no more music, but people were still hanging around the ballroom. Even better, they were still serving drinks. 

Leliana hummed, leaning part of her weight against Elissa. They were both leaning against one of the railings on the balcony, Elissa's arm around Leliana's waist as they both occasionally drank from their glasses. 

"I believe I have already met your brother," Leliana said. "It would be nice to see him again."

"Well, yeah, but I meant my sister in law and nieces. I'm sure they'd love to meet you."

Leliana laughed softly. "I'd wager they're more likely wanting to see the person who taught you to not have such a cold heart."

Elissa smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of Leliana's head. "Only around you, darling. You're the only one I let see that side of me."

"I consider myself very lucky then."

Elissa glanced at the moon, tilting her head far enough to rest it on Leliana's. She let out a little huff before she asked, "Do you ever miss the Blight? Not the actual Blight part, but when we were traveling Ferelden, off in our own world with our friends at our back?"

"Sometimes, yes," Leliana answered. "I miss the old us. We were so young, so innocent. Neither of us knew what we were doing. You had never really been shown that kind of love before, and I had never really trusted anyone like that after Marjolaine. Until I met you."

"I don't really miss the old us," Elissa said with a little shrug. "I sometimes wish I could go back to that time with the knowledge I have now and just... just fix everything. Not be as much of an ass to you, fix things between us. Maker, I'd go back just to make sure Loghain never betrayed the Wardens." Elissa blinked, her brows furrowing. "But then... I would have never officially met you. And who knows what could have happened."

"I suppose we'll never know." 

Elissa untangled herself from Leliana, setting her glass down on the stone ground as she walked to the other side of the balcony. "Have I ever told you what I was going to say to you after I woke up from the end of the Blight?"

She heard Leliana coming up behind her. "No, I don't think so. Perhaps you told me in the alternate reality."

Elissa hummed. "Maybe." She glanced at Leliana before continuing. "I was going to apologize first. For breaking your heart, for leaving you when you needed me the most. When we needed each other the most. I didn't expect you to ever take me back, but after I was done begging for your forgiveness, I was going to tell you how I felt, if you would have let me.

"I wanted to grant you some sort of peace. Closure, I suppose. I was going to officially tell you why I broke things off between us." Leliana put a hand between her shoulder blades. Elissa sighed and closed her eyes at the touch. "I only broke things off to keep you safer. And I didn't tell you about how I had to kill the archdemon because I knew you would never let me do it."

"Oh, Elissa-"

"Hold on, darling," Elissa said as she opened her eyes, smiling at Leliana. "Let me finish." She waited until Leliana nodded. "I know now that it was a foolish and stupid thing to do, trying to control you like that. And I never meant it like that. I could just never live with myself if you had gotten hurt because of me."

"You didn't need to do that," Leliana said softly. "I knew you had a duty. I knew that you could die by the end of the Blight. But I stuck around, didn't I? Because what is life without a little excitement?"

Elissa snorted. "Yeah, try telling that to my twenty-five-year-old self."

"You're here now, Elissa. And you're trying to be a better partner. That's more than some can say."

Elissa shrugged. "I am a better partner this time around. The only time I'm leaving you again is if I somehow get stuck somewhere I can't get out of." She huffed out a laugh. "Like the Fade. Do you remember when we were stuck there?"

Leliana groaned. "Maker, that was an awful time for us."

"Oh, most definitely," Elissa laughed. "But, we survived that. I'm making you a promise. Even if I somehow get stuck in the Fade once more, whether physically or mentally-"

"You'll die if you get stuck there physically."

Elissa held up a finger. "That has not been proven. We just... never hear from those people again."

Leliana snorted, holding a hand up to cover her mouth. "Yes, I'm quite sure that means they died."

Elissa, still smiling, shook her head. "Let me finish, you ass. I'm trying to be romantic."

"By making me a promise that even if you die in the Fade because you were stuck there permanently-" She stopped talking when she joined in on Elissa's laughing. Maybe it was the wine making them laugh so much, or maybe it was the company. "I apologize, continue."

" _Anyway_ ," Elissa said with a mock stern look toward Leliana, "even if I get stuck in the Fade again, I'll always find my way back to you. In any case, I'll come back as a spirit and just occasionally knock things off your desk. Maybe write you a spooky spirit letter."

Leliana pressed a kiss to Elissa's cheek, grinning. "I appreciate the thought."

They stood in silence for a few moments, enjoying each other's presence.

It was nice having friendly banter with Leliana again. Maybe they were finally making progress. 

Leliana made a noise of curiosity, pressing her cheek against Elissa's shoulder. "How would you feel about retiring to our rooms?"

"Well, that depends," Elissa answered, turning to face Leliana. "What would we be doing in these rooms?"

Leliana drew an invisible line from Elissa's collarbone to her neck. "Our activities would involve undressing," Leliana said, replacing her finger with her mouth. "Then caressing each other. I'm quite sure there would be a tub involved."

Elissa groaned, leaning her head back to allow Leliana more access. Then she blinked, pulling away from Leliana for a moment. "Wait. What's the tub for?"

Leliana took hold of Elissa's hips, effectively pushing her against the railing. Elissa leaned her hands on the railing, trying to understand why the hell a tub would be involved in what she and Leliana would be doing.

"Well, you know," Leliana said in a coy tone, her thumbs rubbing circles on Elissa's hips. 

Elissa spluttered. "Uh. Leli? I actually have no idea what you're getting at."

Leliana merely smiled, apparently not wanting to give up her little game. She leaned up to Elissa's ear, whispering, "Why don't you come to our rooms and find out what it's for?"

Elissa was already nodding. "Y-Yeah, of course."

Leliana laughed quietly, stepping away from Elissa. "I don't remember you ever being this shy about it."

"It's the wine," Elissa said with a little shrug. 

Leliana pat her cheek, already making her way off the balcony. "I'm going into our rooms to change into something more... comfortable. Meet me there after you're done picking up the wine glasses you insisted we have," she said with a nod to the glasses on the stone floor. 

By the time Elissa had registered what had just happened, Leliana was gone, leaving her to pick up what was left of their little outing on the balcony. 

Elissa couldn't help but grin and shake her head as she picked up the wine glasses.

_Maker, that woman is going to be the death of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you all know what's coming in the next chapter, huh?
> 
> Also I wrote this at 3 AM so if there are any mistakes you can find, feel free to let me know! 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	25. Never Leaving Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope y'all are in the mood for some smut. 
> 
> No. Seriously. This chapter is just smut. 
> 
> You don't have to read this if you don't want to. Nothing that furthers the story is in this, so skip it if it isn't something you want to read. 
> 
> Fair warning, I'm still not that good at writing it, at least in my opinion, so I apologize in advance. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Leliana smirked as Elissa entered the room, stripping out of her coat. She set it on a nearby chair. 

"Leliana?" she called out. "Are you - oh, sweet Maker."

Leliana was sitting in a furnished chair near the window, nothing but a thin sheet covering her from her breasts down. 

"You took your sweet time getting here," Leliana said in a low voice. 

Elissa blinked, her head snapping up from where she had been looking at Leliana's body. "It was, uh... I had to find a servant to take the glasses."

Leliana, her smile dropping a little, tilted her head to the side. She studied the way Elissa was standing, the way her hands were wringing together, the way she kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other. 

Elissa was  _nervous._

"Elissa?" Leliana asked hesitantly, moving her arms so that they covered her breasts. "Are you all right?"

"Who? Me?" Elissa laughed, but it sounded forced. She waved her hand. "Of course! Never been better."

Leliana nodded, unconvinced. "Right. Is that why you're giving me all the signs of you being nervous?"

Elissa's cheeks and neck flushed a deep red, and she ducked her head. "I-It's just... Leli, it's been years."

And then it clicked. 

"Ah," Leliana said. "Years since you've taken someone to bed, or years since we've bedded each other?"

Elissa shrugged, her flush turning into an even deeper shade of red, if that were even possible. "I... I haven't  _bedded_ anyone since you," she mumbled, just barely loud enough for Leliana to hear. "It didn't feel right. And up until recently, I wasn't in a good place. Not really a good person to be giving pleasures to someone else."

Leliana felt her heart ache, and before she knew it, she was standing and walking toward Elissa. She gently grasped Elissa's face. 

"Well, it's not like I've changed so much that I don't still enjoy the simple things," Leliana said. "If you're still up for it, just do whatever you're comfortable with doing. Do what you would want to be done to yourself."

"You make it sound so easy," Elissa breathed, a smile finally twitching on her lips. "I'm still a willing participant, so long as you are, as well."

"Of course I am." Leliana reached back to Elissa's hair, pulling at pins until her braid was free. "You know, you looked quite handsome tonight."

Elissa chuckled quietly, leaning forward to rest her forehead on Leliana's. "Only for you, darling."

"You got this dressed up just for me?" Leliana asked, gently pulling the tie free from Elissa's hair. After that was done, she ran one of her hands through Elissa's hair. "My, my, you do like to spoil me."

Elissa hummed, closing her eyes and leaning into Leliana's hand in her hair. "There are other ways I could spoil you, you know."

"What's this?" Leliana pulled back, one hand still in Elissa's hair. "Elissa Cousland finally making a move? How very daring."

Grinning, Elissa merely shushed her before leaning forward and capturing Leliana's lips. 

Elissa's hands moved to Leliana's hips, pulling her closer. Leliana tightened her hand in Elissa's hair, the other cupping her Warden's jaw. 

Their kiss started as something slow, their lips moving together, tongues hesitantly brushing. As time passed, it grew more desperate, and soon, both of them were trying to feel as much skin as possible. 

It started with Elissa tugging on the sheet still somehow around Leliana's body. Then came Leliana's hands, pulling Elissa's shirt out from where it was tucked underneath her pants. 

Elissa pulled back slightly, panting, trying to get the shirt off her body while Leliana's mouth attacked her throat. 

Elissa groaned in the back of her throat, throwing the shirt to the ground as she pushed Leliana in the direction of the bed. 

Leliana sat down on the edge, about to pull Elissa down with her, but she stopped at the sight of Elissa's nearly bare chest. 

She'd never seen the damage the archdemon had caused after it had plunged its spiky tail into Elissa's chest. She had imagined what the scars would look like, of course, but this...

The scars were deep and jagged, the low light making them look deeper than they probably were. There were only a few, but the biggest scar was in between Elissa's breasts. 

From where the scars were alligned, it was a miracle Elissa hadn't been paralyzed. 

"What are you-" Elissa cut herself off when Leliana gently dragged a finger over one of the scars. She looked down at Leliana's hand. "Ah."

"I never saw them," Leliana murmured. "The scars the archdemon left you with. They're even worse than I thought they would be."

Elissa shrugged. "Yeah, well... that's what happens when a dragon sends its tail through your chest."

Leliana blinked, looking back up at Elissa's face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Elissa put a finger to Leliana's lips, a soft smile forming. "Don't worry about it. You're curious, I know."

Elissa replaced her finger with her mouth, gently removing the sheet before pushing Leliana down on the bed. 

She lay in between Leliana's hips, supporting her weight on one arm while the other trailed down Leliana's side. 

"Your beauty will never cease to amaze me, Leliana," Elissa said, leaning down to kiss the tops of each of her breasts. 

That comment seemed to always bring a grin to Leliana's face, as well as make her stomach flutter. 

Elissa's free hand trailed down to her thigh before grabbing it and hoisting it over her own hips. Her hand remained firm on Leliana's thigh as her hips ground down. 

Leliana let out a noise that was between a hum and a moan. Her hands moved on their own accord, one grabbing the back of Elissa's head to guide her to her neck while the other dug its fingers into the hard muscle of Elissa's back. 

Elissa did not disappoint. 

Her mouth kissed and nipped at Leliana's exposed throat, even sucking on the skin at some points. Her hips continued to ground down on Leliana's, setting an easy rhythm between them. 

"Let me know if something doesn't feel good," Elissa breathed in between sucking at Leliana's throat. "Whatever it is, just let me know."

Leliana nodded, not trusting her voice enough to speak. 

Seemingly satisfied, Elissa pulled back briefly to grin at her before moving her kisses down to Leliana's chest. She let go of Leliana's thigh, making her way down her body, leaving open-mouthed kisses as she went. 

Just as she made it to Leliana's hips, and after nipping at the sensitive skin, she stood. 

Leliana didn't realize what she was doing until she saw Elissa removing the rest of her clothes at a fast pace. 

Soon, they were both bare, and Elissa was climbing back over Leliana's body. 

"You're still good?" Elissa asked, genuine concern written on her face. 

Leliana nodded, feeling slightly relieved that Elissa was at least checking up on her. "Trust me, if something wasn't good, you'd know already."

Elissa took up her original position, but this time, her free hand was stroking Leliana's cheek. "Tell me what you want."

Instead of speaking, Leliana grabbed the wrist near her face and pushed it down to where she needed it. Elissa merely smiled and gave her a kiss before dragging one finger along her growing wetness. 

Leliana's hips rolled, trying to seek more friction. Her hands once again found the skin of Elissa's back, moving over the scars there. 

Just as she was about to demand Elissa stop teasing her, her Warden ducked her head to one of Leliana's breasts as a single finger entered her. 

Elissa set a steady pace with her finger as her tongue began to swirl around the tip of Leliana's breast. 

Leliana dug her fingers into Elissa's back, her own back arching as her hips rolled once more. She tried pulling more of Elissa's weight on top of her. 

Elissa moved her mouth from one breast to the other just as she curled her finger inside Leliana. 

Leliana moaned, this time digging her fingernails into Elissa's back. 

Leliana moved her hands to cup Elissa's face, bringing it up to crash their lips together. Elissa's tongue swept into her mouth, their teeth clashing together. 

Elissa added a second finger, along with her thumb beginning to make tight circles around her bundle of nerves. Leliana pulled away to moan loudly at the pleasure she was feeling from Elissa's fingers and mouth. 

Elissa began to suck at her pulse point, hard enough to leave a mark. 

"Elissa," Leliana moaned, trying to grip onto something before she lost the ability to think clearly. 

"I've got you," Elissa breathed against her chest. "Let go, darling. I'm here."

The tight circles around her bundle of nerves became tighter, Elissa's fingers curling with every thrust. Her mouth continued its attack on her throat. 

Within moments, Leliana came with a cry, her nails biting harder into the skin on Elissa's back. 

Elissa slowed her thrusts gradually, as well as slowed her kisses until she planted a final one on Leliana's lips. 

She removed her fingers and untangled herself, flopping down on the open space on the bed. 

Leliana grabbed Elissa's clean hand, interlacing their fingers as she said, "You definitely learned some new things."

Elissa laughed breathlessly. "Yeah, you learn a few things when you grow up." She nudged Leliana's shoulder with her own. "How are you feeling?"

Leliana let out a content sigh. "Amazing. Better than I've felt in years."

"Was it better than when you first saw me again after seven years?"

Leliana smacked Elissa's arm. "I don't have to answer that."

She could practically feel Elissa's smug grin. "I'll take that as a 'no.'"

"You're insufferable."

"Sure," Elissa said, "but you love me anyway."

Leliana turned her head, kissing Elissa's cheek. "That I do," she mumbled, watching Elissa for a moment. 

She looked calm. Relaxed. The hand that had been inside of Leliana moments ago was now clean and behind Elissa's head. 

"Tell me," Elissa said, turning her head to look a Leliana, a soft smile forming when she saw Leliana already staring back. "How long had you been planning this?"

"I'll never reveal my secrets." Leliana mimed locking her lips. "I am a spymaster, after all."

Elissa hummed, already beginning to move. "Is that so?" she asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes. She straddled Leliana's hips, her hands hovering over Leliana's waist. "Well, I know of one way to get my little Orlesian spymaster to talk."

And then she began tickling Leliana. 

Through her tears of laughter, Leliana could see Elissa grinning. 

Their joyous laughter filled any silence in the room, and for a moment, they forgot about the world outside of this very moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this took me three hours to write, by the way. 
> 
> Just in case some of you didn't want to read the smut, the next chapter should be out shortly. You didn't have to read this one to understand the story. 
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	26. Change of Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse.

Leliana woke when she heard something hard hit the floor. 

She rubbed her eyes, yawning and sitting up in the bed. 

Only to see Elissa struggling to put her pants on. 

Leliana chuckled softly. "My love, what are you doing?"

Elissa stopped what she was doing to jerk her head up to Leliana. "Uh." Elissa gave her something between a grimace and a smile. "Well, you know. Just... getting dressed."

"Mhm." She smiled sweetly at Elissa. "And what are you really doing?"

Elissa bowed her head, her brows furrowing. "I thought you would have regretted last night," Elissa mumbled, barely loud enough for Leliana to hear. "I mean, we were drinking, and you might not have been in your right mind. I didn't want to wake up to you telling me you regretted what happened."

"So you decided to leave?" Leliana asked, beginning to frown. "I thought we agreed to talk about these things."

Elissa shrugged. "It's not like I was planning on escaping out the window or something. I was just going to find Lady Josephine, or Cullen, or the Inquisitor. Or someone."

Leliana sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Elissa. Come here."

Elissa stood, hesitantly making her way over to where Leliana was sitting. She had her pants and shirt on, her hair still down over her shoulders. She stood in front of Leliana, her hands wringing together. 

Leliana gently grabbed her hips, pulling her down to her knees. 

Elissa now kneeled in between Leliana's legs, resting her arms on Leliana's legs. 

"You know," Leliana murmured. "Sometimes, you can be quite the idiot." 

Elissa's brow furrowed. She bowed her head, her shoulders dropping. "Leli, I-"

"But," Leliana interrupted, cupping Elissa's face and lifting it, "you're  _my_ idiot."

Elissa merely blinked at first. Then her eyes widened, and a small smile formed on her face. "You don't regret what happened last night?"

Leliana shook her head, smiling softly. "Of course I don't. I want to spend every moment I can with you."

Elissa leaned forward, resting her head on Leliana's chest. She moved her arms to wrap around Leliana's chest. 

"I really don't want to go to Adamant Fortress," Elissa murmured. "I don't know that I can face the Wardens that betrayed what we stand for."

Leliana frowned. "You won't be there alone. As far as I know, I'm coming with you."

Elissa leaned back to look into Leliana's eyes. "You are?"

"The Inquisitor thought it would be best. We don't need someone with your status going rogue on us."

Elissa nodded. "I understand. You've helped me out of it before. I'm sure you can do it again." 

"I wasn't supposed to go, at first," Leliana said. "But... the Inquisitor told me about what happened in the Western Approach with Erimond. About how he almost had control over you."

"He didn't get that control, though. I fought it off."

Leliana smiled. "I know you did, my love. That's why you're here and not some mindless slave at Adamant Fortress."

Elissa looked down, seemingly lost in thought. "What if you can't bring me back?" she asked quietly. "What if I become a mindless slave like I was in the Deep Roads? Or worse, what if-"

"Elissa." Leliana waited until her lover glanced up at her. "I won't let that happen."

"But you don't know." Elissa sighed and began to stand. "We don't know what will happen. And that scares me more than anything."

Elissa walked off, putting on her boots and tying up her hair. 

"All I can say is that whatever happens, as long as we have each other, we can make it through," Leliana said.

Elissa paused. For a moment, she didn't move or speak. Then, she turned and mumbled, "I know." 

"Elissa, wait," Leliana said as she stood from the bed, wrapping a sheet around her body. "Don't leave yet."

Elissa smiled and winked. "Oh, I wasn't going to. I was going to sit right here" - she sat on the chair in their room, her ankle on her opposite knee - "watching you dress.  _Telling_ you about the things I'm planning on doing before we leave for Adamant Fortress."

Leliana swallowed, a blush coming to her cheeks. "And you don't think I will retaliate?"

Elissa's smile turned into a grin. "I'm counting on it. The catch is that you must get dressed without asking or telling me to do anything to you." Elissa tilted her head to the side, amusement in her eyes. "Do you think you can do that?"

Well, it was up for debate. But Elissa was challenging her. Which meant that Leliana had to take the challenge.

Leliana nodded. "I believe I can," she said as she made her way, nakedly, to her clothing. "We'll see who has to resist by the end of this."

Elissa chuckled darkly, resting her chin on her fist. "We'll see."

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

In the end, neither of them had been able to resist. 

Really, it was Elissa's fault. She had sat calmly in that damn chair, a smile on her face as she told Leliana what she was planning. 

Leliana had gotten frustrated quickly. She had only gotten her shirt on before she was stalking over to Elissa, straddling her lap and kissing her senseless. 

Somehow, by the end of their little game, Leliana had been pressed against a wall, legs around Elissa's hips and hands buried in her lover's hair. 

What they had done had left them late for a meeting with the Inquisition. 

Leliana was currently standing next to Elissa. Her arm was around one of Elissa's, her body pressed into Elissa's side as they listened to the Inquisitor speak. 

"Sometime during the night, we received a letter from our army." Evelyn held up a scroll. "Our plans have changed. We need to move to Adamant Fortress immediately."

"We weren't supposed to leave for another few days," Elissa said. "What happened?"

Evelyn shrugged. "All I know is that the battle at Adamant Fortress is worse than we thought. Our army needs our help. Otherwise, we lose this chance to stop the Wardens."

"So, we leave," Leliana said. "What are we still standing around for?"

Evelyn sighed. "Leliana, you are needed back at Skyhold. You won't be coming with us this time." As both Elissa and Leliana began to protest, Evelyn said, "It was your scouts that said the army would need help quicker than we thought. Warden-Commander Cousland will be fine. I'll make sure of it."

Soon after, everyone was dismissed. They were given a few hours to say their goodbyes before Elissa had to leave.

"Promise me you'll come back," Leliana said, her head against Elissa's shoulder as they stood embracing each other on their room's balcony. 

Elissa nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of Leliana's head. "I promise. I'll come back in one piece, Leliana."

Leliana felt tears prick her eyes. "I don't want you to leave. Not without me."

Elissa ran a hand down her back. "I know, love. I don't want to go either. But I have to. I have to stop the Wardens."

"No heroics?" Leliana asked. 

Elissa chuckled softly. "No heroics."

Leliana nodded silently, tightening her grip on Elissa. 

She would be gone for quite some time. A month, maybe two. 

Leliana just hoped she would return. 


	27. Adamant Fortress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

"Don't look so glum," Hawke said as she rode next to Elissa. "You'll see your lady again soon."

Elissa nodded and let out a sigh. "I know, I know. I just don't know what will happen."

Hawke shrugged. "None of us do. Isn't that the fun of being a lackey?" 

"Sure." Elissa gripped her reigns tighter. "I'll keep you safe if you keep me safe?"

Hawke snorted. "All right, Cousland. I can do that."

"Pay attention," Evelyn snapped. "We need to get there as soon as possible."

Elissa and Hawke shared a glance before turning back to the road. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

The fight at Adamant Fortress was worse than Elissa had thought. 

There were demons and rogue Wardens everywhere. Every time Elissa took one Warden down, the more her heart sunk into her stomach. 

Eventually, they made it to where Warden-Commander Clarel was. 

The rift where the rogue Wardens were attempting to bring in a demon army was glowing. It looked like they were close to pulling the demons through.

"Warden-Commander," Evelyn said, turning to Elissa. "They aren't listening to me. Can you say anything?"

Elissa looked around at the Wardens, her brows furrowing. 

What could she say, really? She didn't want to blame these Wardens for just panicking. For just wanting to do what they thought was right.

She had done it.

But these Wardens were too extreme. They were endangering everyone.

Elissa sighed and walked forward until she was in front of everyone. "Wardens," she said, addressing even Clarel. "Most, if not all of you, know who I am. I am Warden-Commander Cousland of Ferelden, also known as the Hero of Ferelden. If you recall, I saved Ferelden from the Blight.

"I know you are scared." Some of the Wardens looked to be questioning their position on the demon army. "I was scared during the Blight. I didn't know what was going to happen. But listen to me. We are  _Grey Wardens_. We save people. We don't bring demons into the real world."

"But this is the only way!" one of the Wardens said. "How else will we stop future Blights?"

Elissa swallowed a lump in her throat. "By doing what we do best. We kill the darkspawn, we stop the Blight. We don't need the demons to help us."

"If I remember correctly, Cousland, it took you over a year to kill the archdemon." Clarel tapped her staff against the ground, Erimond grinning behind her. "With the demons, future Blights will be ended quicker."

"Listen to yourself," Elissa said. She took another step closer. "I recognize some of you Wardens. You were serving under me in Vigil's Keep. Is this really what you want?"

There were murmurs throughout the crowd. 

"Clarel, listen." Elissa was close to begging for them to stop this madness. "If you go through with this, you're only doing what he wants. Erimond is not your friend. Look at what you've done. You've killed Wardens, and for what? A little bit of power?"

Clarel bowed her head. "You are right, Cousland. We have an honor. And what we have done today has betrayed that honor."

Erimond laughed. "You think you can get away with this. Every time you bind yourselves to a demon, you become enslaved to the Elder One."

Elissa's eyes widened.  _So that's how he's doing it._

Clarel shook her head. "I'm stopping this, Erimond. Look at what you've made us do to the Order!"

" _I_ didn't do anything," Erimond said. "All I did was dangle a little bit of power in front of you."

Clarel glanced between Elissa and Erimond. She began stalking toward him, her staff raised, as she yelled, "Wardens, help the Inquisitor!" 

"Clarel, wait!" Elissa shouted.

A pride demon began clawing its way through the rift, the ground shaking as a large dragon landed on one of the ramparts. 

Elissa's eyes widened as the dragon roared. "Is that... an  _archdemon_?"

No, no. It wasn't trying to talk to her. It wasn't trying to tempt her. It couldn't be an archdemon.

Still, her mind was clouded. Whatever Erimond was doing to the Wardens...

No. She couldn't focus on that right now. She needed to focus on helping the Inquisitor.

Clarel and Erimond were getting away, but she could do nothing. 

Elissa looked to the Inquisitor, who just looked annoyed at the demon. 

"Any plans on how to take it down?" Elissa asked, unsheathing her swords. "Some of the Wardens still look like they want to kill us."

"Let them take care of each other," Evelyn said. "We'll deal with the demon. Everyone, focus your attacks on the big guy!"

Evelyn charged off toward the demon, her companions following suit. 

"She's brave, I'll give her that," Hawke said from beside Elissa. "Probably stupid for trying to face a demon head-on."

Elissa shrugged. "What else can she do?" She watched for just a moment more before jerking her head in the direction of the Inquisitor. "Come on. We should help."

Hawke groaned, but she followed Elissa nonetheless. 

Evelyn was working on closing the rift while her companions attack the demon however they could. 

It seemed like it would be a long fight.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

As soon as the pride demon was taken care of, Elissa sheathed her swords and bolted in the direction of Clarel and Erimond.

She faintly heard the Inquisitor shouting something from behind her, but Elissa paid no mind. 

The dragon tried slowing her down, but she didn't let it stop her. Demons got in her way, but she merely cut them down. 

Finally,  _finally_ , she found Clarel and Erimond at the top of the building. 

Clarel was using her magic to back Erimond towards the edge. 

"You ruined us!" she shouted. 

"Now, now, Clarel, let's not be rash," Erimond said. "We can talk about this."

Before Clarel could respond, the dragon landed behind them, shaking the ground. 

Elissa stumbled and fell to her hands and knees. 

Erimond laughed as the dragon stalked closer. Clarel backed away, fear written on her features.

Elissa tried to stand to get Clarel out of the way. There was a hand on her shoulder before she could do anything.

Hawke was crouching next to her, watching the scene before them. 

"I need to help her," Elissa said, dread pooling in her stomach. 

Not a moment later, the dragon opened its mouth and grabbed Clarel. 

"No!" Elissa shouted, standing and running to the Orlesian Warden-Commander. 

The dragon tossed Clarel to the side. Blood pooled around her waist. 

Elissa fell to her knees beside Clarel. 

"We should have listened to you sooner," Clarel said. "Let me make up for it."

Magic gathered in her hands. She slammed her hands onto the ground, causing it to begin shaking. 

Erimond was the first to fall as the building began to crumble. The dragon lept off of the landing, presumably going to grab Erimond. 

The landing was crumbling fast. Clarel was lifeless, or maybe just unconscious. Either way, there was no saving her. 

None of them could get away fast enough. Soon the ground fell from beneath their feet, sending them plummeting from the sky. 

Then there was a tear in the Veil, and Elissa fell headfirst into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	28. The Fade

Elissa groaned, lifting her head and blinking her eyes open. 

Where the hell was she?

Everything was either some shade of green or black. In the distance, Elissa could hear the shriek of a terror. 

Her eyes widened, frantically looking around.  _Am I_ -

"No, no, no, no," Cole was saying. "I can't be here. I can't!"

"Cole?" Evelyn asked. "What's wrong?"

Hawke snorted. "It would appear we are in the Fade."

Elissa's heart dropped to her stomach as she stood. She really should just shut her mouth once in a while.

"How are we even here?" Elissa asked. "What happened?"

Evelyn looked down at her glowing hand. "I must have opened a rift."

"We need to leave," Cole said. "Now. We shouldn't be here."

Elissa nodded. "I'll second that. I've been in the Fade before. I didn't enjoy my stay."

She nearly shuddered at the mere thought of it. 

Evelyn sighed. "Then let's get going. I'm sure somebody already needs me."

They all began moving, not really sure where they would be going. 

The Fade was a confusing place the last time Elissa was here. She couldn't even imagine what it would be like now. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_You couldn't even save your family, Warden. What makes you think you could save anyone else?_

That demonic voice still played in her head, over and over again. She really had not planned on being reminded of her failures. 

To make matters worse, there were  _things_ that kept appearing randomly to fight them. 

The Inquisitor saw them as spiders, Cassandra saw them as maggots, and Elissa saw them as ghouls of people she knew and cared for. 

It had nearly broken her to kill one with Leliana's body and voice. 

"Where the hell are we?" Elissa said through gritted teeth, pulling her sword out of a demon that looked strangely similar to herself. 

Evelyn shook her head. "I don't know. We just need to keep going. The Divine-"

"Do you really believe that what we're following is the Divine?" Elissa snapped. "Would you like someone to knock some sense into you? I'll be the first volunteer."

"We don't know, that's the problem." Evelyn scratched the back of her neck. "But she's the only lead we have."

Elissa groaned and bowed her head. "You're right, I'm sorry. We'll probably all die in here anyway, so what's the harm in following a possible demon?" 

She just really wanted to leave. 

Hawke nudged her. "What's your problem, Cousland? Don't like being cooped up?"

Elissa shrugged. "Nobody has entered the Fade physically and survived. Our chances of survival are slim to none."

That just caused Hawke to grin. "Really? Is it that, or are you just missing your lady?"

Well, if she were being honest, it was a bit of both. Instead of answering, Elissa grumbled and began walking away.

"It is not much farther," Divine Justinia said, appearing out of thin air. "You need not worry."

"That's reassuring," Elissa mumbled. 

"Don't mind her," Hawke said. "She's pissy. It's past her bedtime."

Elissa threw her hands in the air, giving Hawke a mock offended face. "You say that like you aren't older than me."

They continued bickering for a few moments until Evelyn yelled at them to shut up.

Justinia chuckled at them. "I remember both of you. You were both troublemakers."

"We still are," Elissa said. "I'm working on changing my middle name to Trouble."

Hawke and Elissa snickered at that, nudging each other. 

Evelyn sighed and shook her head. "Don't pay attention to them. They've been acting like children the entire time."

Elissa put a hand on her chest, but she said nothing. 

"How much farther?" Evelyn asked. "I'd like to leave this place."

Justinia bowed her head. "I feel I should warn you. If you have not figured it out already, you are in the realm of a nightmare demon. Before you can leave, you will be tested once more."

"Great," Elissa said. "So I'm assuming we just kill this bastard demon and we can leave?"

Justinia said nothing. Instead, she smiled sadly at them before leading the way again. 

Elissa scoffed. 

"Ooh, I love it when they're ominous," Hawke whispered with a grin. "Makes it all the more exciting."

Elissa merely shook her head, following Evelyn and her companions. 

Honestly, how much more could they have to do? They had already killed two pride demons, several despair demons, terrors, and shades. They had already trekked through so much of the Fade. 

They had been walking so long that they had found a gravesite with everyone's fears on them. 

That hadn't been a fun one to see. 

The whole "being stuck in the Fade" thing was becoming quite annoying in Elissa's opinion. If they didn't get out soon, she would tear another rift open herself.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

It turned out that the nightmare demon had not been the problem of the century, shockingly. 

No, it had been quite easy to bring down, actually. The only problem were its minions - the ghoul things Elissa saw. They had just kept appearing, but eventually, they had taken every demon down. 

And that was when a giant fucking spider had decided to crawl up from Maker knows where.

"As if our day couldn't get any worse," Elissa muttered. "We have to kill it if we want to make it out of here. It's blocking the way out."

Evelyn shook her head. "There's no time. One of us has to stay behind to make sure it doesn't follow us."

"I'll do it," Hawke said, stepping forward. "The people in the real world need you. All of you. My time is over."

"Like hell it is." Elissa put her hand on her sword. "I'll be the one who stays behind to make sure it doesn't come through. Hawke, people need you. You inspire them."

"And you think they don't need you? You are the  _Hero of Ferelden_. You are a Warden-Commander. You're the only one that can keep them in check."

Elissa bowed her head. "They don't need me. What have I ever done for them that they appreciated?" She looked up, right at the giant spider. "No. They will listen to you, Hawke. Just... Keep them safe for me, all right?" 

Hawke put a hand on her shoulder. "Elissa..."

"If you see her," Elissa said, beginning to walk toward the giant spider, "tell Leliana I'm sorry. And that I love her so, so much."

Elissa watched as everyone left the Fade through the closing rift. Hawke was the last to go, looking at her with nothing but sorrow. 

"Good luck," was the last thing Elissa heard Hawke say before she disappeared through the rift. 

Elissa looked up at the spider, unsheathing both her swords. She grinned before running toward it. 

It was time to end this.


	29. Where Did You Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, my finger slipped. 
> 
> So, I'm going through some stuff right now. I'm trying to write these chapters when I don't feel like absolute shit. Thank you all for understanding.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Leliana sighed, rubbing her eyes as she glanced out the window of her room. Reaper was sleeping on the bed by her feet.

He had been acting strange lately. He followed her around more than usual, never really letting her out of his sight. Typically, he slept on the floor, but he had begun to insist he sleep in the bed with her. 

Really, how was she supposed to say no? He gave her puppy eyes, making him impossible to turn down.

Even so, his strange behavior had worried Leliana. Elissa was still out there, somewhere. She was supposed to have sent some kind of letter by now. 

That alone was worrying. 

Leliana often laid in her bed worrying over her lover. Was Adamant Fortress worse than they had thought? Did something happen while they were traveling? 

Were they even still alive?

Dawn would be creeping over the horizon soon. Leliana would have to ask her scouts. 

Just as she was about to start trying to sleep once more, Leliana heard the horn by the gates of Skyhold, announcing someone's arrival. 

She sat up, Reaper doing the same. They both listened. 

Leliana quietly stood, walking over to the window. Sure enough, there were riders coming through the gate. 

_Inquisition_ riders. 

Reaper whined, his ears nearly flat on his head, his eyes big. 

Leliana quickly moved to get her armor on, buckling some of the belts as she moved down the stairs, Reaper on her heels. 

She met Josephine in the main hall. Together, they walked towards the courtyard, idly chatting their nerves away.

Soldiers were already gathered in the courtyard, as well as others who lived in Skyhold. 

Leliana and Josephine stood at the front of the crowd. Reaper sat next to them as he searched the incoming crowd. 

Evelyn and her companions were in front, but where were Hawke and Elissa?

"Inquisitor?" Josephine asked as Evelyn climbed off her horse. "What happened?"

Evelyn ran a hand through her hair, looking around at the crowd of people gathered. She sighed before addressing them. "We lost a lot of good people," she said. "Adamant Fortress was a lot worse than we thought it was. Fortunately, we stopped the Wardens before they could bring a demon army through the Fade. The danger has been defeated."

Leliana stepped forward. Reaper whined again, standing in front of her. "Evelyn," she said. "Where is Elissa?"

"And where is Hawke?" Varric asked nearby. 

"We sent what remained of the Grey Wardens to Vigil's Keep. It was too dangerous to send them to Weisshaupt. Hawke went with them." Evelyn took a deep breath. "Warden-Commander Cousland... didn't make it."

Several gasps rang throughout the crowd. There were more gasps now than there were when Evelyn said the Wardens had been stopped. 

Leliana supposed it was because Elissa was the Hero of Ferelden, the one that had saved them all ten years ago. 

Even as what happened played over and over in her head, Leliana did not move. She merely stood, her brows furrowing. 

Before she knew it, she was taking a step back, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. 

This was all so familiar. Everyone else comes back while Elissa... Her fate remains unknown. 

Except this time, Elissa was dead. 

_Dead._

The word rang in Leliana's ears.  _Elissa is dead. She's not coming back this time. Oh, you idiot, what did you do?_

Leliana's feet moved on their own. She was climbing up the steps of the courtyard, trying not to listen to Josephine shouting behind her. 

In just a few moments, she was in the safety of her room. Reaper had followed her, barely making it through the door before Leliana slammed it. 

She leaned against it, her breathing erratic. 

A small sob escaped her mouth as Leliana slid down the door. She wrapped her arms around her knees, sobbing into them. 

Reaper curled around her, grieving in his own way. 

The only question on Leliana's mind was  _why?_

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hours later, Leliana was still in the same position against the door. 

There was a small knock on the door, followed by a quiet, "Spymaster, may I come in?"

Leliana sniffed. She lightly pushed Reaper away, standing and wiping at her eyes before opening the door slightly. 

"What do you want?"

Evelyn swallowed, looking down at her feet. "I wanted to express my condolences. About Warden-Commander-" She cleared her throat. "About Elissa."

Leliana narrowed her eyes. "Thank you."

And then she shut the door. 

"Leliana," Evelyn said. "I know you don't know the full story. I'm here to tell you what happened."

Leliana sighed, cracking the door open once more. 

"We were stuck in the Fade. Physically, I mean. By the time we made it to the rift where we could leave, a nightmare demon was blocking us. Once it was defeated, another demon appeared. Someone had to stay behind so the rest of us could escape."

Leliana shook her head. "And you chose Elissa?"

Evelyn put her hands up defensively and shook them. "No, no, not at all. She and Hawke were bickering over who would stay. In the end, it was Elissa's choice to stay." Evelyn bit her cheek. "I regret what happened. I could have prevented it, but I didn't. And I'm so sorry, Leliana." She looked like she had something else to say. "Before we left through the rift, Elissa told us to tell you that she was sorry. And that she loves you so much."

Evelyn gave Leliana one last look of sorrow before she began to descend the stairs. 

Leliana softly closed the door, leaning her forehead against it. 

"You promised," she whispered. "You promised me you would come back."

A tear slid down her face, dripping onto the stone floor. 

Leliana's hand curled into a fist. For a moment, she thought of slamming it against the door, but instead, she let it relax and fall to her side. 

Leliana, with tears beginning to spill once more, made her way to her bed. She sat on the edge, calling Reaper over. 

"Your mistress really isn't..." Leliana bowed her head. " _Wasn't_ the most intelligent, was she?"

Reaper gave her what looked like a little headshake. 

"We won't forget her," Leliana murmured. "I promise, we won't let the world forget her." 

It was a promise made just to help them both feel better. Eventually, the world would forget about them all. 

But for now, Leliana just wanted to remember. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	30. Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! This work is almost over. There’s just gonna be a couple more chapters I think. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

News of Elissa’s passing had spread quickly. Nearly everyone knew that the Hero of Ferelden had perished.

Fergus had not taken the news well. He was furious, but in his letter, he said he would not be able to visit Skyhold to attend the small funeral they had for Elissa. 

Kallian had been able to visit. Her visit had to be ended abruptly when she started a fight with the Inquisitor. 

Solona hadn’t been able to visit, either. She and Hawke were at Vigil’s Keep, watching over the Wardens there. They both sent their condolences. 

Amethyne had written a letter in response, one that worried many of the advisors. She told Evelyn to watch her back. 

They all hoped she wasn’t serious, but with her being Elissa’s daughter, it was hard to say. 

Leliana sighed, rummaging through the letters on her desk. Recently, she had been looking through books and scrolls, trying to find anything that could help them find Elissa, if she were alive.

Morrigan had told her that while it was possible that Elissa was still alive, it was nearly impossible to tell. Demons would be trying to imitate Elissa’s form to trick them. 

Meanwhile, Cole continued to try and convince Leliana that Elissa was still alive. 

“ _Blood running down skin, limbs weak, why can’t I give up yet?_ ” Cole said from behind her. “We need to help her.” 

“For the last time, Cole, she’s dead. We just... We need to move on.” 

Cole was silent for a moment. Leliana didn’t even hear him come up behind her. 

Cole pressed a letter into her hands. “She asked to give this to you should she be killed before she could do it herself.” 

Leliana’s brows furrowed. The Cousland family symbol was pressed in wax on the front. Carefully, she broke it, opening the letter. 

It seemed fairly new. As Leliana opened it, a ring fell into her lap. 

She picked it up, cocking her head at it. 

Shaking her head, Leliana decided to read the letter first, then question the ring. 

_Leliana,_

_If this letter has reached you, it either means I’m dead or you were snooping through my things and stumbled upon it. If the latter is what you did, please put this back. I don’t want you to read what I’m going to say if I’m not gone._

_Now. I’m sorry. I can’t predict the way I died, but I can assume it was because I did something stupid, like act heroic. Or I pissed someone off. Either way, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you alone. If it was because I did something heroic, know that I did it because I saw no other way._

_I know it will take you a while to understand my motives. And I don’t blame you. But know that I regret leaving you alone again. I never wanted to. You deserve better than that._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t be better. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the person you needed. I hope that you at least were happy while we were together. I know I was._

_I could write a million books on all the things I love about you. It wouldn’t be hard. But I won’t, because you’re already stirring beside me and I need to write this and hide it before you wake._

_Now that I think about it, I will tell you one thing that I love about you. I love your determination. Your faith. I know that you’ll do great things, Leliana. And know that when you do, I will be so proud of you._

_I remember our talk about you possibly becoming the next Divine. I think you should do it. Think about all the good things you could do with a title like that. I think you could really change things for the better._

_Anyway, I’m getting off track. I need you to know that I do love you, and that I need to ask you a question._

_Unless it slipped out, there should have been a ring in this letter. You’re smart, so I imagine you already know what it’s for, but I’ll ask anyway._

_Leliana, will you marry me?_

_I know it would hold no meaning, considering I’m dead. But, when I haunt you, I want to know your answer. It’s okay if you don’t want to, I understand. I honestly don’t blame you._

_You were always too good for me, Leliana. And I’ll never forget how happy you made me feel when I was alive._

_Goodbye, Leliana. I love you, and I’m so sorry._

_Elissa Cousland_

Leliana didn’t know when she had started crying. All she knew was that when she had finished reading, tears were sliding down her cheeks and into her lap. 

“I was there,” Cole said quietly. “When we left her in the Fade. She didn’t want to do it, but she saw no other choice. She hoped you would understand.” 

Leliana shakily pulled off the glove on her left hand. She slid the ring onto her finger. It was a simple gold band, but it meant the world to Leliana. 

The same as Elissa’s old amulet meant the world to her. 

It had been nearly a month since Leliana had learned of Elissa’s fate. In that time, the Inquisitor had gone to the Temple of Mythal and learned how to defeat Corypheus. 

All that was left was to gather what they needed to defeat him and end this once and for all. 

When Leliana looked around the room, Cole was gone. Silently, she stood, folding the letter as neatly as she could. She would have to store it in a place no one would find it. 

Before gently putting it away, Leliana looked at the letter in her hands. Her brows furrowed as she thought. 

Maybe Elissa was right. Maybe she could change things. 

With newfound determination, Leliana placed the letter in the chest in her room. She turned on her heel, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

She and the Inquisitor needed to talk. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

”Are you sure?” Evelyn asked, her arms crossed over her chest. “I hold a lot of sway, Leliana. If this is really what you want, it’s likely that this is what you’ll get.” 

Leliana nodded. “I’m sure. I think I could really change things for the better.” 

Evelyn smiled. “You could, there’s no doubt about that.” She sighed and nodded once. “All right. I’ll write a letter to them, telling them my decision. I’m sure it won’t take long for them to elect a new Divine.” 

“If you hear something before I do, let me know,” Leliana said. “Thank you, Inquisitor. I owe you.” 

Evelyn waved her away. “You don’t owe me anything. It’s the least I could do.” She began to walk away, but paused. “Leliana? Will you be all right?” 

Leliana thought for a moment. She would be, eventually. It would definitely take some time, and it would take work, but she would. 

Leliana nodded and gave Evelyn a small smile. “Yes, eventually. Give me some time. I think this will help me move on.” 

Evelyn gently patted her shoulder before leaving the war room. 

Leliana looked out the window at the setting sun. It truly was a beautiful sight, watching the sun disappear over the horizon. 

Leliana smiled, feeling lighter than she had in weeks. 

A new day was approaching, bringing them one step closer to the peace they strived for. 

_One day at a time_ , Leliana thought as she began to leave the war room. 

She could do that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	31. Divine Victoria (9:44 Dragon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this takes place two years after the end of Inquisition, but a few months before the start of Trespasser. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Divine Victoria sighed as she listened to the concerns of some nobleman.

Becoming the Divine had been a strange transition for Leliana. But, after two years, she was finally getting used to it.

“As I have told you before, that is something you will have to take up with Lord... what was his name?” Leliana asked.

She didn’t listen as the nobleman repeated the name. Instead, she focused on a figure in the crowd.

They were wearing damaged Grey Warden armor. A hood was over their head, covering their features.

 _Of_ _course_.

Leliana shook her head a little and returned her attention to the man speaking. When she glanced back to where the figure was, they were gone.

It shouldn’t have surprised her. That was happening a lot recently.

Every time, she thought it was Elissa’s armor she saw. But when she looked again, whatever had been there was gone.

She saw the armor when she walked in crowded streets, or in crowds during her speeches. They never appeared when she could actually see who they were.

Even if they had appeared when she could actually see them, they always had that damned hood over their head, preventing Leliana from seeing their identity.

They were even so well hidden that she had no idea if whoever it was happened to be a man or a woman. She often desperately hoped it was at least someone she knew.

Before Leliana could answer the man in front of her, a bell rang above them. Everyone began shuffling out of the cathedral.

When everyone except the guards were gone, Leliana leaned against the wooden stand in front of her, bowing her head.

“Divine Victoria?” one of the guards asked. “Are you all right?”

Leliana nodded and raised her head. “Yes, I am. I believe I will retire to my chambers. Today has been a long day.”

The guard nodded. “Whenever you’re ready, ma’am.”

Leliana smiled gratefully at him before leaving the stand. Her two guards followed behind her.

As she walked, Leliana looked up to the sky. She still had time to do things if she wished, but honestly, she would rather spend the rest of the day relaxing.

When she arrived at her chambers, her guards took their places outside of her doors.

Leliana entered her chambers, shutting the doors quietly behind her. Already, she could feel something was off.

She felt like she was being watched. Her paranoia only grew when she noticed one of the balcony doors was open.

She walked over to it, eyeing the shadows as she did so, and closed it gently. She didn’t remember leaving it open.

Deciding not to alert whoever was in here that she knew they were here, Leliana took off the hat on her head, setting it down on the bed in the room.

Leliana hummed as she undressed from her robes, slipping a dagger out as she did so. Under her robes, she wore a simple tunic and trousers.

She was about to turn to a particularly shadowy corner when she heard, “You know, you are really bad at pretending.”

Leliana froze.

“And as much as I like watching you undress, I really don’t feel like being stabbed tonight.”

Leliana whipped around to the dark corner of the room, searching the darkness.

Sure enough, there was that Grey Warden she kept seeing in the crowds, the hood still over their head.

But that voice...

The Grey Warden was sitting on the desk in the room, legs crossed, chin sitting in the palm of their gloved hand.

“Elissa?” Leliana asked hesitantly, not really believing her eyes.

No, it couldn’t be her. This was just Leliana’s wishful thinking.

A figment of her imagination.

The Grey Warden leapt off of the desk, landing silently on their feet. “You really should get better guards,” they said. As they stepped into the light, they removed their hood. “It was incredibly easy to get in here.” 

Leliana stared in shock. There she was, her pale hair pulled back into a braid, those familiar blue eyes shining, and that familiar cocky smirk.

Her lip was cut open and bleeding, there was a bandage on the side of her head that seemed to be staining through. But... it was her.

“Leliana?” Elissa asked, her smirk fading and her brows furrowing in concern. “Look, I know this is sudden, and I should have come a different way, but-“

“You’re here.”

Elissa paused, her eyes going wide. She smiled and let out a breathless laugh. “I’m here.”

Before she knew what she was doing, Leliana ran to Elissa, jumping into her arms.

Elissa laughed and wrapped her arms around Leliana’s waist, spinning her. After a moment, she set Leliana back down, grinning from ear to ear.

“I can’t believe it,” Leliana said, hands reaching up to grasp Elissa’s face. “What happened? And how are you still alive?”

Elissa snorted, her eyes fond. “You really think the Fade could kill me?” She shook her head, looking away. “It came close, I’ll admit. I didn’t even know how much time had passed. Inquisitor Trevelyan told me I was gone for two years.” Elissa frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Leliana sighed and leaned forward, resting her head on Elissa’s chest. “Two years without you, after I had just become used to you being there... It was hard.” She bit her cheek. “How did you escape?”

“The Inquisitor opened a rift,” Elissa answered. “Cole helped me leave. He led me back to the rift. He said he knew I was still alive, and had apparently convinced the Inquisitor to help him.”

“Why didn’t they tell me?”

Elissa kissed the top of her head. “Well, me being alive was just wishful thinking for the Inquisitor, I believe. And when I got out, I asked them not to tell you. I wanted to surprise you. It took me weeks to gain the courage to even come here.”

Leliana lifted her head, looking Elissa in the eyes. “You’ve been back for weeks?” 

Elissa grimaced. “About two months, actually.” Before Leliana could speak, Elissa continued with, “To be fair, it took me a while to adjust to the real world again. And then Kallian gave me the cure for my Warden-ness, and-“

“You’re cured?” Leliana asked. “You’re no longer a Warden?”

Elissa shook her head. “I’m no longer a Warden. I’m now just a regular person again.”

Leliana grinned for a moment before she frowned. “Who else knows you’re alive?”

“Kallian, Zevran, the Inquisitor, Cole, and now you.” Elissa brushed her hand over Leliana’s cheek. “Trust me, Kallian wasn’t too happy that I was waiting to confront you. She’s the one that beat me up.”

Leliana laughed, brushing her thumb against Elissa’s cheek. “I can’t believe you’re here.”

Elissa rested her chin against the top of Leliana’s head. Her hand reached up to grasp Leliana’s on her cheek, only to pause when their hands touched.

Elissa brought her face back, pulling Leliana’s hand back as well. She tilted her head at the sight.

“You’re wearing it.”

Leliana glanced at her hand. “I read the letter you wrote me. The one you wrote should you die before you could ask me yourself.”

“And you said yes?” Elissa asked, disbelief in her eyes as she turned her attention back to Leliana. “There was never anybody else?”

Leliana smiled, leaning up to kiss Elissa’s cheek. “You were always the only one for me.”

Elissa grinned, tears beginning to pool in her eyes as she leaned forward, her mouth pressed fully against Leliana’s.

Leliana sighed into the kiss. She had missed this so much.

Well, really, she had missed Elissa the most, but the kisses were definitely a bonus.

Elissa pulled back, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” she said, something between a laugh and a sob. “I’m not leaving you again.”

Leliana shook her head, looking away. “That’s what you said before you were trapped in the Fade.”

At least Elissa looked ashamed. “I know. And nothing I say will ever make up for that. But, since you are now the Divine, if you’ll have me, I would like to stay here. With you.”

“You don’t care that I’m the Divine?”

“Of course not.” Elissa shrugged. “Honestly? I’m okay with sneaking around.”

Leliana nodded, kissing Elissa again before stepping out of her embrace. “Come, you’re filthy. I’ll ask the servants to draw a bath.”

Elissa grinned mischievously. “You’ve only had me back for, what, five minutes? And you already want to get me undressed?” She let out a tsk. “My, Leliana, you’re bold.”

Leliana smacked her arm. “Sit on the bed. I’ll be back.”

Elissa’s eyes lit up as she made her way to the bed. “Yes, ma’am.” She paused before she sat. “Leliana? I understand if you need time. But I’m not leaving unless you want me to.”

“It will take some time,” Leliana said. “Give me a little while. Just... don’t leave again. Please.”

Elissa’s eyes were soft, a small smile on her lips. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

As Leliana turned away, she allowed herself a private smile.

It would be strange. And it would definitely take some time to get used to, but she was glad to have Elissa back.

As she spoke to one of the guards to find a servant for her, Leliana thought of a way around the laws surrounding her role.

She would need to change some things. If the people didn’t like it, at least Leliana had had a good time being the Divine for as long as she was.

With the exalted council coming in a few months, change was already on the horizon.

Maybe things would finally start to change for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A part of me feels like you all knew this was coming, and another part tells me i got the drop on you all. Oh well, this was basically how it was always going to end. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed! There’s only one more chapter after this (no angst, I promise). After that, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do. If you have any suggestions, feel free to tell me :^). 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome!


	32. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Enjoy!

“Five more minutes,” Elissa mumbled into her pillow, pulling the blankets tighter around her body.

They were both taking a little vacation away from their duties. Elissa, it seemed, was getting comfortable not waking up at dawn.

Leliana chuckled. “My love, today is an important day.” She turned away from the mirror in the room, smiling softly at Elissa. “You know you need to be there.”

Elissa groaned. “I don’t want to be.”

“They’re your family.” Leliana shook her head fondly. “They’ve missed you.”

“They can wait.” Elissa opened one eye. “How much do you want to bet Fergus will punch me as soon as he sees me?”

Leliana shrugged. “Ten silvers.”

Elissa snorted and rolled onto her back. “You’re about to lose ten silvers, Leli.”

Leliana rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the bed. Elissa stared at her, a soft smile on her lips.

“Are you going to get out of bed anytime soon?” Leliana asked, tilting her head to the side a little. “Or do I have to get you up myself?”

Elissa grinned, a mischievous glint in her eye. “You can try.”

Despite the fact that she knew exactly what Elissa was going to do, Leliana still reached for her arm, pulling it lightly.

Elissa pulled back, effectively bringing Leliana down onto the bed. Leliana sighed and shook her head at Elissa.

She moved to straddle Elissa’s hips, planting her hands on Elissa’s shoulders to keep her pinned.

Elissa’s own hands traveled up her thighs before settling on her hips.

“Hi.”

“You really do enjoy this, don’t you?” Leliana leaned down, kissing Elissa softly. “You won’t for much longer if you don’t get up.”

“Oh, really?” One of Elissa’s hands moved to her thigh. “We’ll see about that.”

Before she knew it, Leliana was being flipped onto her back, Elissa hovering over her, face mere inches from her own.

“You should know better than to challenge me and expect to win, darling.”

“Someday,” Leliana sighed, “you’ll realize my plan was to always win this way.”

Elissa narrowed her eyes. “Was this really your plan or did you make that up?”

“It wasn’t my plan, but I’m not complaining.”

Elissa laughed and kissed her nose. “All right, I’m getting up. I’d rather not have a search party knocking at our door.”

Leliana smiled and watched as Elissa dressed. She wasn’t in anything fancy; just a decent-looking tunic and trousers, along with boots that went halfway up her shin.

“Do you need help with your hair?” Leliana asked in a teasing tone as Elissa struggled to get it in place.

Elissa stuck her tongue out before shaking her head. She gave a quiet, “Yes.”

Leliana snorted and stood from the bed, grabbing Elissa’s hands and putting them down at her sides while she worked.

It wasn’t hard. All she really had to do was put a few pins in place.

Elissa kissed her on the forehead when Leliana was finished. “Thank you.”

Leliana just nudged her. “We should be going, yes? Fergus will likely send a search party soon.”

“A part of me wants to wait to see how long it would take for that to happen.” Elissa nodded, heading for the door. “But you’re right.” She opened the door, sweeping her arm out. “Shall we?”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

Elissa paused when her family came into view.

Mattie and Carolyn were playing some game with sticks. Fergus and his wife, Lyra, were speaking quietly, glancing around.

After two years, would they even recognize her?

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Leliana said quietly. “Trust me, I’m sure they would be delighted to see you, _mon_ _amour_.”

Elissa nodded. She looked down at her feet. “I know, I know. It’s just... Two years is a long time. What if they don’t want me back?”

Leliana grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” 

Elissa swallowed thickly, walking into view of her family. 

Fergus was the one to notice her first. He just stared at her while she slowed to a stop. 

“I know it’s been some time,” Elissa said, watching as her family noticed her presence. “But if you’ll let me explain-“

Before she could finish, Fergus stepped toward her. He paused for just a moment before pulling her into a tight embrace.

“You’re alive,” he said.

Elissa slowly wrapped her arms around him. She laughed, tears forming in her eyes.

Fergus pulled back, only to punch her in the arm. “That’s for leaving me to think you were dead.”

Elissa grimaced and rubbed her arm. “Legally, I _was_ dead for two years.”

“Aunt Elissa?” a timid voice asked from behind Fergus. Elissa peeked around her brother to see Mattie looking up at her.

“Hey, little one,” Elissa said as she crouched down to her niece’s height. “Did you miss me?”

Not a second later, Elissa was tackled by two small bodies clinging to her. She grinned, scooping her nieces into her arms as she stood and spun them around.

Mattie and Carolyn giggled in delight, their faces pressed into Elissa’s shoulders.

Elissa gently put them back on the ground. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She nodded at Lyra. “It’s good to see you again.”

Lyra smiled. “Likewise.”

“Aunt Elissa?” Elissa looked to Carolyn. “Who’s that woman you’re with?”

Elissa smiled and turned to Leliana. She wrapped an arm around her waist. “This is my wife, Leliana.”

“It’s nice to meet you two,” Leliana said kindly. “Elissa has told me much about you.”

Mattie and Carolyn beamed, but Fergus looked ready to throttle her. “Your _wife_?” he asked. “Why am I just now hearing of this?”

“It is not like it was a legal thing,” Leliana said. “With me being Divine, it would be hard for a legal marriage.”

Carolyn gasped. “You married the Divine?” She shoved Elissa’s leg. “That’s bad, Aunt Elissa!”

Elissa shrugged. “Only if I get caught.”

Leliana shook her head and kissed Elissa’s cheek. “Where is Amethyne?” she asked Fergus. “Shouldn’t she be here as well?”

“She should be here any time,” he answered. “She told us she would be arriving later than she wished. I’m going to assume it’s because she wants to see how bad she wants to hit Elissa.”

“Why does everybody want to hit me?” Elissa grumbled.

“Maybe because you sacrificed yourself in the Fade and left everyone to think you were dead only to show up two years later?” Fergus shrugged. “That’s my guess.”

Elissa rolled her eyes. “I understand that you are upset, but I’m back now. I’m no longer a Warden. I’m Leliana’s personal guard. Among other things.”

Leliana smacked her arm. “Not in front of the children.”

“I didn’t technically say it-“

“ _Mamae_?”

Elissa looked over her shoulder. Amethyne was there, looking like she had seen a ghost.

“Amethyne,” Elissa said. “You... You’re here.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t be here to see my mother again?”

Leliana nudged her. “Go. We’ll be here.”

Elissa smiled gratefully before walking to Amethyne.

“I missed you,” Amethyne said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.”

Elissa snorted. “ _You’re_ sorry?” she asked. “What in the Maker’s name would you have to be sorry for?”

Amethyne shrugged, looking down at her feet.

Elissa put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t apologize. Come. I’d like you to meet someone.”

“I already know about your wife.”

Elissa grinned. “But have you met her?”

Amethyne shook her head fondly. “Fine. I’ll meet her.” More quietly, she said, “I can’t believe I have two mothers now.”

Elissa introduced Leliana and Amethyne, watching as they interacted.

Soon after, they were all speaking with each other. Elissa watched her family, smiling at them.

Leliana noticed her stare. She walked over, placing a gentle hand on her arm. “Come join us. They’ve really missed you.”

Elissa bent down to press a kiss to Leliana’s lips. “Thank you for this,” she murmured. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”

“Of course.”

Leliana grabbed Elissa’s hand, leading her to her family.

This was where she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can’t believe this is over. I don’t know what to do with my life now. 
> 
> It’s been a long journey, and I’m glad you all have been here for it. I’ve had fun writing this, and I’m going to miss it. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for sticking with me. I appreciate everything.


End file.
